Yesterday I spoke with a few women who had seen the Jeub’s on TLC the night before. The consensus was that we all found them to be engaging, warm, and loving. To a number, each conversation eventually came around to the story of their oldest daughter. What was most remarkable to me is not that this young woman has had a rocky journey to Christian adulthood, rather that it was so remarkable that we learned about it at all.
Jen sent a link to a wonderful blog post from a fellow homeschooler who is launching young adults at a steady rate. Like most of us, some of these kids start off with a strong steady pace. Others falter. Still more rush headlong down alternate paths, determined to discover for themselves what was so wrong with the lives their parents rejected. While they journey in varying degrees of darkness their parents often torment themselves with shame, cross examine their parenting, and rarely if ever share their burden with others. Why? Because whether we admit it or not we have expectations of our major life decisions. Namely, we expect them to work out. Worse yet, so do our peers.
Perhaps it is naivete, perhaps it is self-preservation. Whatever the reason, though many of us are well-versed in the truths of our faith, we tend to fast forward to the happy ending, skipping over the problematic statements in scripture. The bible, for all its comforting promises, also pulls no punches. It tells us flat out that we all are sinners. All of us. The tendency among parents, especially those who have not weathered the storms of rebellion, is to follow up those sections with a subconscious, "Yes….but…" Surely we didn’t put all this thought and energy into creative, responsible parenting only to, gasp, FAIL??
The good news is there are no failures where there is sincerity and love. The even better news is that most of these kids will come around in time. Key words being ‘in time’. Between the ‘now’ and the ‘then’ they may need to push the envelope in lots of undesirable ways. As OreoSouza wrote in the blog Jen sent today, some of them will have to "spend some time in hell to figure out that hell exists."
In some ways I think the children who straight out rebel are in a bit better shape than those who don’t. At least they are honest about their situation. What can be even more dangerous is the outwardly compliant child harboring far more insidious tendencies towards pride, envy, anger, sloth and the like. While rebellion did not make the list of the seven deadly sins those others did. Sometimes it helps to keep that in perspective.
Our kids, like the rest of us, eventually need to make their own way in the world. It is a terrifying truism. Sooner or later we have to let go and hold our breath while they take their first, sometimes wobbly, steps into the great unknown. They don’t go out onto this highwire of life with no safety net however. They have our prayers to buoy them back up when they fall. And while our peers may forget this, the other truth is that they can never fall so far that God cannot reach them should they just call His name. As the Jeub’s story shows us, while there is life, there is hope.
Starry Sky Journal 
This is interesting. I just read the post you linked to, and I found it disturbing that Carrie and Clark felt the need to hide the truth about their family becaused they feared being judged. It seems that the difficult times are when you would really need the support of your friends. Do you think that this judging is common among homeschooling and/or Christian communities?
I do think so, particularly when it comes to a child who goes astray. There is a false sense sometimes that if you homeschool and if you “train them up in the way they should go,” there will never be a prodigal. So, if you have a prodigal, you must have done something wrong. In the case of the Jeub’s, I think their daughter proved otherwise. she stated on the show that she knew what she was doing was wrong and she chose it anyway. Why? I don’t think we can know. But she certainly makes a case for KNOWING the right thing because she was TAUGHT the right thing and then rejecting it willfully. God gave everyone free will. Even kids. And when they are grown, they have will and they have the power to enact that will. Sadly, the pain the parents of the prodigal experience at the departure of a child is often compounded in Christian communities by the disapproval of “friends.” And/or it is compounded by the distance of the community. They want to protect their own kids from whatever is going wrong in the prodigal’s household. You’re right Cheryl, it doesn’t seem like it should be that way. But, unfortunately, it is all too often.
Thank you for this thoughtful post! As the homeschooling mother of a child who seems determined to go in the opposite direction than that to which we have raised him, I find great comfort in your words.
As for the homeschooling community being judgemental, I believe there is certainly truth to it. As Elizabeth said, so many of us enter into homeschooling with that false security that homeschooling is THE answer to protect our children from the sin that abounds in the world. When it ends up to not be so, the sting is that much worse as we wonder what we did wrong. And as we try to figure it out, we smile politely to those in our homeschooling community and act like we still are in control.
I can feel in the “advice” that I receive from homeschoolers who have not had to deal with a rebellious child, either because they aren’t there yet, or by the grace of God they were spared that particular cross, a certain tone of puzzlement and even condescension. To have someone tell me that my teen shouldn’t be able to tell us what he is going to do, but has no real answer for turning this child’s heart towards us, doesn’t help. Instead, it only frustrates me and confirms my feeling that somewhere we did, in fact, fail.
I remember being that person, stepping back from those families that seemed less than perfect and idealizing those that looked like they had it together so well.
Now, here we are. It is blessing to know we are not alone. Thank you for the reminder that it is not over yet!