I love my kids’ friends. I love them about ten times more today than I did 48 hrs ago. That was before the tour of the state college campus in Denver yesterday. That was before my hope for mankind was shot to the gutter along with the sucker stick our tour guide had exhausted. Let me back up a bit.

Since Colin is transferring to Denver soon and we wanted to put eyes on the place finally we went up for the afternoon to take the tour. We assembled in the admin building with a dozen other potential students and their parents. I was already distracted by the young man in the black jacket embroidered with the sillouette of a naked girl standing WITH HIS MOTHER. (hello??) Before long we were greeted by a young woman with a red Mickey Mouse sucker hanging out of her mouth who introduced herself as Veronica. Evidently she was to be our tour guide.

We headed out of the building and entered the throng of denim-clad young adults clutching cigarettes and cell phones. Veronica marched us along at a pretty ambitious clip, seemingly oblivious to the effort this required of at least one older woman in our group. We worked even harder to keep up with her dialogue. This was no easy task given the lisp caused by her substantial tongue piercing. The hefty faux gemstone stud clicked against the lollipop rendering me totally unable to focus.

We saw all the hot spots – the childcare center for the students’ children, the pool, the theater, the housing complex (which had flyers at the door directing us to the fifty-cent beer joint) and the health clinic whose staff, the lovely Veronica assured us, were “really really nice.” The nurses are nice. The doctors are nice. The receptionists are nice. They are all just really REALLY nice. Whew. I can’t tell you how relieved I am. ; )

The tour ended rather abruptly at the Student Union where she spotted some friends. I noticed her later as she dropped down into a seat where friends of hers were dining and plopped her feet onto the table alongside their lunches. They didn’t appear to be terribly disturbed by this. Not sure if that says more about them or her. Or perhaps this is about my own inability to roll with the

ch-ch-ch-changes……

Admittedly I am appalled by so much of it. This is what the hallowed halls of state-run academia are churning out to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars? Everywhere we looked there were bodies sprawled upon lawns, benches, ledges. The alert among them were smoking. When did that become so widespread? I thought this generation had been thoroughly indoctrinated in Just Say No and DARE curricula? What was even more ironic were those among them who stopped us as we passed to see if we “had a minute for the environment”. I felt like saying darlin’ I just gave a year of my life for the environment. (which is now all resolved thanks be to God! thank you for your prayers) Besides if you put out that cigarette and ditched the fast food containers by your side YOU could do the environment a bigger favor than my signature would. But I digress.

I don’t get out much. I know this. I don’t think I am missing a whole lot however. The teens in my world are well-groomed, look me in the eye, and are adept at conversing with both babies and old people. And, I have never seen one of them with their lips candy-dyed red during a public speaking event. If this isn’t the real world than I am happy enough to reside in a civilized alternative reality.

Lest you think all I do is rant I have some practical links to share. The ever-wise Willa shared with me some lifeskills sites that we have enjoyed a great deal. Sometimes we take for granted that our kids know everything they need to know to be successful in the big world. Perhaps, judging by what we saw yesterday the bar is a lot lower than I estimated. I still think everyone would do well to have basic instruction in proper interpersonal communication, body language, phone and interview skills etc. We have used some of the charts and handouts on these sites as springboards for discussion. Some of these lists are for special-needs folks but really, the skills apply across the board. A google search for life skills checklists pulls up even more.

A Wise Woman posted a link to this list today. How did you fare? Me? Room for improvement as always!

I was just reading a similar letter about humility:

Humility is not the trait of thinking of self as being of less worth. Humility is not thinking of self at all, whether good or bad. Humility is thinking of others and seeking their advancement. For you to be thinking about your condition and trying to be humble is pride itself, for it is valuing yourself above others, that is, measuring yourself against what you perceive they are thinking about you. Stop considering your humility and use your energies and confidence to help others.
There is nothing wrong with doing something well and knowing it—like music, art, sports, etc. Pride would be to use your successes to put others down and make them feel of less worth. It is fine to say, “I am the best violin player in the orchestra,”—if it is well known to be the case; but then you should use your skill and influence to raise the skill level of others and to encourage them. Then, if one of the others should surpass your skill, true humility would acknowledge that you are now second best, and you would rejoice in their abilities while continuing to improve yourself.

Bad-mouthing anyone, either yourself or others, is pride. Lifting everyone up―others first and then yourself―is true humility. But then, the truly humble person usually does not know he is humble, nor does he care. To strive for humility and believe you have reached it is to arrive at pride. To strive for humility and not reach it is to wallow in self-pity and condemnation, which is just another expression of pride.

Pursuing humility is like pursuing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It moves when you move and can never be attained. If one did pursue humility and actually attain it, it would be because he had forgotten his own personal aspirations while serving others, and he would be unaware of having achieved humility. Wow, this is rather philosophical for a ninth grader. Hope you can understand it. I must say, you caught my interest. With tongue in cheek, I say, “Let me know when you get to be humble.”
Your friend, Michael Pearl

That was the theme song of my husband’s junior prom some twenty-FIVE years ago. 25. Two-five. Our kids think we are old as dirt. Doesn’t bother me too much. There are a lot of things I want to be. Sixteen isn’t one of them.

I was thinking about that dance this weekend as we set off for dh’s corporate gala shindig. How things change. How things stay the same.

That was us in the gym of a high school in a town of 5000. These are the crepe paper flowers and someone’s garden swing that look oh so lifelike – yes? The decorations were awful but the feelings were sincere- sincere enough to blossom into a third decade of marriage; sincere enough to embrace a family of eleven and carry us around the world and back; sincere enough to weather the storms of growing up together (which let me tell you, is not for the faint of heart)

I would not trade time for where we stand today. I might give back a few wrinkles and a few gray hairs which threaten to escape now and then… Nothing more though. Nothing.