Just a little admin note here. I have been under the weather and am not 100% on top of personal mail so some of my replies are ending up as post content for the sake of time and to be sure I am not missing anything.
I wanted to say that I write out of what happens here at home. If there are a number of personal conversations that begin to follow a common train of thought, I write about it. I write about whatever it is I am thinking about at a given moment because I like to think out loud. : ) This week’s entries were born out of such personal conversations and questions from moms just beginning their homeschool journey about why we made certain choices. I have no other agenda.
A very insightful letter came this morning from a woman who shared her opinion that unschooling tends to work best in families with gifted children and/or who have a particularly strong internal discipline. Further, she asserted that large and growing families, particularly those favored with many boys and/or special needs have unique challenges that make this method less workable. I think she nailed it.
I have been the one and now the other. We were once a small family with an academically gifted child and we relied heavily on strewing and spontaneity. Then we moved. Thirteen times. Then we had children. A lot of them, about every 24 mo, some of whom struggled with the academics that came so easily to their older siblings. Then we had surgeries. As many as both of those together and while those other things were happening. A more cohesive, concentrated effort was required to meet the needs of all. We adapted.
As a Christian wife and mother I also believe that it is imperative that we carefully consider and honor our husband’s vision for his children. There is a real risk that mom becomes thoroughly absorbed with online or real life support groups, discussion groups, etc and can be carried far from her husband’s goals for her home. She can become convinced that he really isn’t as well-informed as she, that he in fact is narrow minded on the subject, that it would even be detrimental to the children’s wellbeing for her to follow his lead. Not that I ever fell prey to this train of thought……
Be careful. Nothing you read here or anyplace else should ever supercede his input. As Cindy from Dominion Family so aptly put it, it was Eve who was first deceived. Dads, imo, are the ones whom God directs for the family. So even without the benefit of daunting hours on the internet they probably do know best. Trust them.
For that reason, your homeschool may not – and possibly SHOULD not – look like ours. You don’t have our children and we don’t have yours. We are discerning for ours. We did not get direction for yours. : ) I share our experiences in case you find parallels. Do not feel I am implying that mine is the one right way.
On that note, my little people are now assembled and hungry. We have a Pinewood Derby car to assemble this morning and a novel to finish. Big stuff. : ) I hope your day is as delightful as ours promises to be! God bless.
Starry Sky Journal 
Thank you for this timely post. I just had a discussion last night with dh that could have worked to put me in the mindset that you describe. Blessings to you and your family.
Oh I hope that you are feeling much better!
Your blog is a blessing to me!
I am really enjoying reading so many reflective posts by people about how they came to homeschool the way the do. I had to laugh because I had been thinking that we are not really unschoolers because we have a very academically gifted child with strong ideas about particular things she wants to study. I’m not sure how to unschool Chinese and German — or piano for that matter!
Goes to show that there is no one right way, even for families that seem to have similar children, faiths, and and goals.
I have really enjoyed your last several posts. They’ve reminded me what dh and I want for our family, to keep my eyes on my own work, and that what is going on in my home is infinitely more important than what is going on in the online world. Thanks, Kim. :o)
Kim, I am glad you mentioned the role of the husband and father. I too think that is a key. You mentioned that your husband has a military background and sees the virtue in an orderly, smooth-running household. Another father might see the virtue in a more creative discovery-oriented approach. …my husband for instance, who is a computer programmer. He went to school at a gifted and talented program so he likes the more exploratory style of education the best. So that is what I try to do(not always successfully).
I don’t think there’s necessarily any one way to educate, though certain principles can certainly be kept in mind. You said it better than that : ).
I have lots of boys too and observe that they get to a stage when they literally ask for more structure. At least, my boys so far have tended to do this. It is hard for me to tell whether or not this could be called “unschooling” or not since it is a response to what they seem to need.
I think it is possible to unschool well with special needs, since Lissa does it and so do others I know, but my experience reflects yours — that I personally find it very difficult to have successful days without planning and organizing carefully. My temperament and goals plus the special needs and number of my children make it difficult for me to go completely impromptu. I get way too scattered and so do the children.
I’m sorry this is so long, Kim! It has been interesting to think through the different perspectives on this.
I agree with the statements about unschooling and have thought this myself…I think unschooling would have been great for me, and I think one of my children would likely do really well with it. He is quite gifted in this direction though. My other two…not so much. 🙂 Plus, these other two have very different interests and personalities, and it would take a lot of effort on my part to provide great materials and motivation for “strewing” and such…more effort than I can put out right now. 🙂 I think this technique is great for those it works well for though!
And excellent thoughts about keeping Dad as the head of your homeschool….very thoughtful and on target.
This is such a thought provoking post, Kim, I can’t put all my thoughts about it in a combox! &:o) I just gotta say: Yes, indeed.
Ooh, this is such an interesting discussion! 🙂 Thanks, Kim.
Willa wrote: “I think it is possible to unschool well with special needs, since Lissa does it and so do others I know, but my experience reflects yours — that I personally find it very difficult to have successful days without planning and organizing carefully. My temperament and goals plus the special needs and number of my children make it difficult for me to go completely impromptu. I get way too scattered and so do the children.”
I wouldn’t characterize our days as completely impromptu either. Our days and weeks are structured by planned activities (piano, ballet), my son’s speech therapy, dr appts, etc. Actually this thread has me wondering if perhaps we have more external structure than the average family (due to the pretty regular routine of speech, OT, or PT we’ve had since WB was a baby—right now it is only speech 2x/wk).
And we have had a fairly consistent home rhythm for many years as well. Early on it was shaped by my dh’s and my alternating writing schedules, and in recent years has been a pattern of busy mornings (activities) and mellow afternoons, culminating in a brisk “fix the house up nice for daddy” tidy-up before dinner.
Your insights here, Willa, have me wondering if I take that consistency of rhythm for granted as a sort of baseline from which our unschooling flows. The word impromptu gave me a start! 🙂
Thanks all for more great food for thought!
While I think Kim runs an orderly, well-disciplined household and that is certainly Allen’s desire, I don’t think a smooth running, orderly household excludes a creative approach to education or to life. This blog–and Kim’s real life home–bursts with creativity. A thoughtful journey through the schooling archives reveals post after post of intentional, creative fun learning. And then a few clicks the “the Prairie Home” and we come away with nothing but creative inspiration. When you look through the “Corral” you see that it’s true that barn chores must be done on a schedule because the animals demand it. But what a plethora of unscheduled discoveries have been made in that barn! Unschooling is not the only way to educate creatively. And for some people, a smooth-running environment actually inspires and supports creative endeavors. Allen is not unsupportive of creativity–quite the contrary. He sees how creative this small ranch can be, but only if there is an underpinning of structured support.