Marilyn Moll, best known as The Urban Homemaker, lost her husband Sunday night.

I recently purchased Simply Charlotte Mason’s Laying Down the Rails ebook. Awesome! I have been printing in little chunks and hope to finish soon. They have gathered pertinent quotes from the series and organized them by trait. Included are tips to develop each habit. Best of all are the questions for mom at the end of each chapter. I think I am going to jot some of these down on index cards and just rotate through them periodically, even one a day or whatnot. It is amazing how many durned things there are to remember, isn’t it? Helps like these are so welcome. They keep my focus on the children and the home.

There is a free download at the site called Education Is… which explains very well the balance between ideology, discipline, and environment. Excellent perspective about how these factors intersect to form a three-legged stool. Without one of those legs the whole topples. Check it out.

Ok and now my icalendar is beeping to remind me to go read aloud. Have a wonderful day. : )

We homeschoolers are a funny bunch. We are intensely interested in life and we have a particular need to sort and categorize things, including ourselves. We try on different educational theories to see which is the best fit. We hold out hope that we will eventually find our label. Labels come in handy in the homeschool world. They net you membership in support groups and validation from your peers. They are a means of ready identification when you meet other homeschoolers. Why hello, pleased to meet you. Yes, we are the so and so family and we are ______ (unschoolers, a unit study family, classical educators, Charlotte Mason fans, Montessorians, fill-in-the-blank)

We are a fickle bunch however, and membership in some of these groups is more abundant than in others at any given time making it even harder to discern our place. In our zeal to understand and to be understood we often exert unnecessary energy trying to find our niche. It can be especially frustrating for those of us who don’t fall neatly into just one of those boxes. I say that as a woman who has rendered herself totally ineligible for box membership by the sheer number of inexplicable contradictions that are who I am. For instance, I am a devotee of natural foods. I cut my culinary teeth on Laurel’s Kitchen and Moosewood favorites. And yet, I really love a cold, neon colored Jones Soda from time to time.

If you call my house, chances are good you will hear classical music in the background. If I am cleaning then you may hear celtic or golden oldies – probably very loud. If we are driving home from town at night I may well be listening to sappy love songs punctuated by the hypnotic voice of Delilah cooing out of the radio into the night. Chances are good though, I will be flipping the channel periodically to hear what my other favorite DJ has to say – Alice Cooper. He comes on at 7. I have an odd fascination with the man whose real life bears no resemblence to his stage persona.

My childhood home is a small, period correct Victorian. I can decorate a room in that style with one hand tied behind my back. And yet, my fondest wish is to have a 60’s style rambler with lots of glass and an IKEA interior. It works well with my full life and my love for color and clean lines. It reminds me of the people and places from way back when that are no longer with us.

My husband is no different. He leaves for work every morning in a suit and tie, looking every bit the corporate executive he is. Other times you can spot him in a checked flannel shirt and boots stringing barbwire or driving the tractor looking every bit like the hobby farmer he is. He falls asleep promptly if he sits still for more than a minute or two. And yet, he regularly runs marathons in great time.

So yeah. It’s like that. I could go on but I suspect you get the point. Our life is a study in contrasts. I wouldn’t have it any other way – except when it comes to the problem of lingo. If I include just a few of the adjectives at any given time people often come away with a very incomplete, often lopsided picture. I think that may have happened in discussing structure, obedience, and so on. Those words are loaded with connotation, as are ‘military’ and ‘order’. So if you will indulge me for a moment I will explain my take on balance and choosing your labels carefully.

A lot of greater minds than mine struggle with how to reconcile volition and obedience, structure and spontaneity, creativity and order, intellect and intuition. I have a different take on the dilemma. Perhaps it is simplistic of me (though I think we are at greater risk of overthinking) but I don’t see a dilemma at all. I think both ends of the spectrum can and do co-exist quite happily and in fact they complement each other in fundamental ways. I seem to be in decent company with this opinion. Close examination of some of the most popular educational and child-rearing philosophies reveals a number of similarities among seemingly distinct methods.

Montessori schools alternate group work with individual work, teacher presentations with ample opportunity for discovery, all within a comforting, predictable framework. This unchanging routine frees the child to think about the tasks at hand versus splitting his attention between his work and his environment, wondering what to expect next.

Charlotte Mason bemoaned the views of children held by her contemporaries. She advocated for relevance and respect in the curriculum. Her short lessons and insistence upon free afternoons spent out of doors has earned her the affection of many. And yet, she was rigidly structured in many ways. Her curriculum was planned in detail, covered an enormous amount of ground each year and held the formation of habit to be foundational to success.

The Avilian Method follows the monastic model which balances social and private times, prayer and work, with recreation and rest.

The Swann family who worked through the Calvert School curriculum at an accelerated pace kept their studies within the mid-morning hours. Though they worked responsibly with no nonsense during those hrs the children were absolutely free to do what they wished for the remainder of their day. Mrs Swann says:

Has this schedule, which we have adjusted over the years to accommodate our growing family and changing needs but which remains as rigid as ever, squelched creativity and inhibited individual expression? Absolutely not! These rules actually give my children a good deal of freedom that they might not enjoy in a less structured setting. After all, they know that they will be finished with both their routine housework and schoolwork by 11:30 a.m. The rest of the day is theirs to spend as creatively as they like.

she also says to: encourage them to get creative without your input. When adults get involved, children will often back off and lose interest. My personal rule is that I never interfere with my children’s leisure activities.

Has this outside structure wounded the Swann kids? Apparently not. Alexandra, in relating their story, ends with the comment that if given the opportunity (with her own children) she hopes to recreate their childhood ‘as closely as possible’.

Waldorf Schools, which may seem completely incongruent with the proceeding list, in fact do share many similar ideals though at times the terminology may be different. You hear of the inbreath and outbreath new review do In Waldorf circles this means alternating periods of concentrated study – or the intake of concepts – with periods of creative activity such as handcrafts, painting, or movement. Integral to the method is the establishment of both daily and yearly rhythms:

reverence and rhythm No one can say too much in praise of reverence, but another quality gave me so much peace, a feeling of harmony and centeredness that stabilizes the life forces. That quality was pattern or rhythm – the recurring activities, each day, each week, each year.By Esther Leisher

Therefore formal learning for us just becomes a part of our family rhythm. Jones Family

From a purely biblical point of view one can see that Jesus Himself alternated periods of direct instruction and formal debate with informal times of rest and relaxation. We need both. To thrive in this world we need a balance between income and spending, work and recreation, study and assimilation, exercise and rest, inspiration and perspiration, order and creative chaos.

My husband does have a military background. I can assure you however we do not run a ‘military academy’. We do not call the children to the schoolroom by bugle, nor have them fall-in for math drills. While images of Captain Von Trapp and his whistle are amusing, I am afraid you won’t find that here. Please do not infer excessive force when you read about our ideals. They are ‘ideals’ which means in reality we often fall short though we are making progress.

We also practice attachment parenting which means that we choose to ease our children into routine rather than enforce it by whatever means possible. Their struggles are more related to human slugginess rather than against authority. While I am pleased that their cooperation generally comes from their heart I was also relieved last year when I spotted a skunk walking into the barn and was able to say GO RIGHT OUT THE BACK DOOR! without having to debate my reasons before they acted. There is a time for discussion and a time for stepping out in faith.

A friend tells of a mom she knew who made her kids stay up til 11pm one night finishing the last coloring pages scheduled by their curriculum for that day. Her kids are now in school where she has been rumored to have chastised the nuns for not giving enough homework. The good sisters feel that the 7 hrs they have them is more than enough time for formal learning and that afternoons and evenings should belong to the family. God bless them. : ) In their zeal there are a few moms who are more demanding than even the monastics. That is not balance, it is legalism. It is exerting authority arbitrarily – just because you can. I am so not about that and I hope that you are not either. These examples seem to be the exception though.

It is highly unlikely that children in a healthy, happy, growing family will not have opportunity to explore and bounce ideas around. There IS however the possiblity that, in the hustle and bustle, some core academic skills may not be sufficiently honed. Therefore, I do think it is ok to be intentional. It is in fact a fine thing to live life on purpose, with clear goals and gentle guidance. While children definitely need down time to assimilate new information and make it their own, they need something to assimilate, something to chew on.

One mom admitted to confusion when reading descriptions of kids doing logic puzzles, painting, handcrafts, hikes, field trips, music, discussion, and read alouds when these were presented as replacement for formal academics. She asked, aren’t those things we all do anyway? To which I would say I hope so! Those are ‘outbreath’ activities to borrow the Waldorf phrase. We do those in our very ample down time and enjoy them a great deal. They apply the skills learned in more traditional courses and help flesh out the framework those studies lay. They refresh us for times of more concentrated academics and both types of work bless us greatly.

There is no apology necessary for lovingly planning for our children. We can confidently plot a course between the extremes and begin this journey together. Many days it will be smooth sailing thanks to our maps and our provisions. Other days the water will be choppier. Some days we will anchor a bit and enjoy the view. Others, we will send up the sails and catch the wind. We can expect that we will reach the harbor safely and in good time however. We know where we are going even if we hit some unexpected weather along the way. There is joy in the journey to be sure, but that doesn’t mean it is necessarily better to be without a destination.

There are no ‘sides’ to this discussion in the sense of controversy, there are simply many facets to a full life. Unless we are cultivating a very one dimensional existence, we will incorporate elements from many approaches and not find them contradictory at all. So what does this make us? Are we traditional? Alternative? Artsy? Analytical? what? We may be all those things at different times as they help us reach our goals. We are right brained AND left brained. We got both for a reason. We breathe with both lungs. We are fellow travelers with our children through life. While we stand close by and steer through the rough patches we ever have an eye towards handing off the wheel (without shipwreck) and our choices are guided by that goal. Here’s to all of us as we work to that end!