That is the gist of the second chapter of the Napthali book where she discusses the concept of equanimity – the ability to keep calm whatever is happening. She discusses the myriad emotions that visit us and suggests that we consider them just that – temporary visitors. As such, we can acknowledge their arrival and allow them to come and go, exercising some objectivity versus clutching them tightly. We ‘host’ these emotions rather than becoming passengers, driven by them.

When something normally considered bad happens, you can handle it – it doesn’t derail you. Likewise, if something good happens you feel joy without feeling dependent on or attached to the event.

This reiterates the message of resignation found in Surrender to Divine Providence which I have read and reread countless times. (I will “get it” yet!) That whole book is about being at peace with the will of God. We can know with certainty that everything that happens has run by God first. He allows it all for (and only for) our greater good. Each will last just as long as He deems wise and not a minute more or less. We can allow ourselves to feel happiness and pain, knowing God has ordained each for a purpose, without feeling the driving need to control their arrival and departure. Someone else has it all well in hand. As the author says:

We should desire what God does and accept with filial submission all that is decided by His Providence

In a spirit of conformity to His holy will we should accustom ourselves for the love of God to putting up with all the little daily vexations, such as a word said that wounds our self-esteem, a fly that annoys us, the barking of a dog, knocking into something as we walk along, a small accidental hurt, a light suddenly going out, a rent in our clothes, a pen that won’t write, and so on.

This issue of control is brought up in the Motherhood book also:

With equanimity we accept what is and stop trying to control the inevitable and impermanent

What is inevitable?

…gain and loss, pleasure and pain, praise and blame, fame and disrepute. No matter how hard we try to attract or avoid any of these, we’ll experience all of them in their turn.

Trying to anticipate each or expecting to exercise control over them causes us unnecessary suffering.

St Philip Neri wrote something similar. He describes three stages of spiritual development:

In the spiritual life there are three degrees.The first may be called the animal life; this is the life of those who run after sensible devotion, which God generally gives to beginners, to allure them onwards by that sweetness to the spiritual life, just as an animal is drawn on by a sensible object.

The second degree may be called the human life; this is the life of those who do not experience any sensible sweetness, but by the help of virtue combat their own passions.

The third degree may be called the angelic life; this is the life which they come to, who, having been exercised for a long time in the taming of their own passions, receive from God a quiet, tranquil, and almost angelic life, even in this world, feeling no trouble or repugnance in anything.

Of these three degrees it is well to persevere in the second, because the Lord will grant the third in His own good time.

In all three sources, tranquility comes after much practice in taming ones emotions and is not generally to be had otherwise. Much commentary is made about being intentional in our reactions. With every challenge or trial we can choose joy. We can decide whether to let things roll off our back or to hold them in to fester. We can be driven by the need for emotional and sensational highs or, conversely, by the need to avoid unpleasantness. Or instead, we can greet both confidently and peacefully. The common theme is that this lofty goal is best achieved by mastering lots of little challenges:

It is even more important to practice conformity to God’s will in these small things than in larger ones, both because they are more frequent and because the habit of supporting them in a Christian spirit prepares us in advance and in a natural manner to show resignation when we have to face serious difficulties.

– Surrender to Divine Providence