I have thought a good deal about Lady Lydia’s wardrobe comment in recent days. It isn’t about specific prints or whatnot, but rather what kinds of images we are planting in others’ minds, particularly those of our children and grandchildren.

Dressing up in pretty dresses was important to me, because I didn’t want my family to have memories of me in the same old thing day after day, looking oppressed and tired. Today I have Miss Lillian and the boys around me a lot, and I want them to remember their grandmother wearing the enchanting little cotton prints and clear colors, with the trims and buttons and laces, my hair done up, and even pretty shoes.

This post was read shortly after overhearing another conversation while shopping for fabric for more dresses for Tess. While I worked my way through the bolts of material there were two women talking to each other over the pattern books. One was considerably further down the room so their voices were heard by all. There were many comments such as, “Well THIS would be s@xy, don’t you think?” or “Do you think this is s@xy?” In fact that seemed to be the one adjective to make or break their purchase. I could almost expect this from silly girls but I was taken aback to turn the corner and discover women who must have been 30 seriously embroiled in this discussion.

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t think our goal is to be asexual or frumpy. If we are married our first goal is to be attractive to our spouse. Still, there is a difference between sexuality and beauty. Beauty can also be alluring, but sexuality alone does not guarantee beauty. In fact it can be downright repulsive on its own without the anchor of loveliness.

Friends and I have discussed the bigger issue of how we will be remembered by our children and their children and yes, by our spouses. Debi Pearl recalls picking berries with her grandfather when she was little. All the way down the row he was telling her how beautiful her grandmother was. All these thoughts came together as I stood in the aisle and realized this isn’t a ‘today’ decision, it is a long reaching choice which will ripple in time.

As Helen says, we are inundated with messages about what it means to be a woman today. If we don’t critically examine them it is easy to get swept away along the current. Beauty is rarely part of the equation as evidenced by the overheard conversation. It is all about the ‘other’ which is the only yardstick many women have. We have been so soaked in these messages we may not be able to properly discern true beauty.

Jen and I have pondered Lady Lydia’s challenge to think about the adjectives used to decribe women of old and women today. It was once a common practice to compare women to flowers. As she points out, yesterday’s softness is replaced by ‘cutting edge’ and ‘sharp’. Are these the images that inspired that old man to adore his wife? Is perpetual adolescence the best response to growing older? Is ‘hardness’ our goal?

My own grandmother has been a good example to me. Never frumpy, she always was pulled together whether for housework or a trip to town, nothing extravagant but her appearance was always cared for, her signature scent (Estee) wafting behind her. Her demeanor called for respect and admiration. I wonder how grandmothers of today and the grandmothers WE are going to be compare?

We are more than our appearance and yet, our appearances will live on in our family’s minds when we are gone. When they are left with memories and photographs what will they have? Will they see confident, beautiful women, lovelier with each decade, at peace with the season in which they find themselves? We can be that. While we can’t be 17 forever we can forever wear our very best asset – a smile. We can nurture our finest attributes – gentleness, understanding, care for others. We can be stewards of our outsides as well, caring for our skin, our hair, our wardrobes; making choices that reflect our vision. Any basic communications course will explain that our appearance sends a message about what is important to us. What message are we sending?

“It sometimes happens that a woman is handsomer at 29 than ten years before.” – Jane Austen

“Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude, and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.”

“The difference between pretty and beautiful is-
pretty is temporal-whereas beautiful is eternal.”

“For the rest, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever modest, whatsoever just, whatsoever holy, whatsoever lovely, whatsoever of good fame, if there be any virtue, if any praise of discipline, think on these things.” Phil 4:8 (Douay Rheims)

The children have been all over with their dad in the past month. Most recently they saw a hockey game and visited the fire station:

“It is a high and important office, that of mother, and requires al the best and choicest qualities which belong to womanhood, trained and perfected. Much love, much patience, wisdom, knowledge, judgement, self-control, with body and soul attuned to, and kept in harmony with, the laws of God and nature, compose the divinity which should hedge about a mother but alas! too often does not.

It is no light thing, no easy task to be a mother and fulfill a mother’s duties. Incessant care, incessant watchfulness, all all without fussiness, or too conscious restraint, is the price of success. The making of a happy home is the first duty of a wife and mother.

Even under the present imperfect conditions, home is hte central attraction of every human heart, the inspiration of nearly all effort, the haven of all our hopes and desires. What would it be were women true to the themselves, to their high destiny, their great work? What would it be were the influences of home charged, as they might be, with the electric current of active love, faith, knowledge, strength, and devotion to the interests they are bound to protect?” – Jenny June, Demerest’s Family Magazine, August 1867