Monthly Archives: January 2009

a time to keep silent

Posted on by

Several things have been weighing on my mind lately. One is this maxim shared by Bill Gothard:

Time is a valuable asset which attracts many robbers.

A related thought was this from Horace Mann:
 
Lost yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes.  No reward is offered, for they are gone forever. 

Scripture says something similar when it tells us to "redeem the time, for the days are evil." (Eph 5:16) I have been stewing over the implications of all this and how time online – both reading AND writing – figured in.  I have spoken with women much wiser than myself about this.  Colleen's post asked many of the same questions I had. I have seen earnest rebuttals to these concerns, but to be truthful, they don't reassure me much about those lost diamond minutes.  Not right now. 

Then I read this description of St Rita of Cascia:

…instead of visiting or gossiping with the women of the neighborhood, she remained at home, never leaving it except to pay a visit to her aging parents or go to Mass or Vespers… She paid much attention to the comfort (of her husband) and took zealous care that his clothes were always scrupulously neat. The management of her household was wise and prudent, and she taught with example what she advocated with words…. For Rita knew well that all the beauty of the King's daughter is within. She was kind and affable (to all in her care) and studied to make them happy and contented….She saw that they attended their religious duties, taught them good and polite manners, and molded them into models of obedience, neatness and propriety. 

She was ever diligent, never idle, in her vocation. Can I honestly say I am as diligent? Can I honestly say time spent in conversations here are as effective as other things I could be doing right now? Is it ok to divide my attention so?

I thought of various reasons I have come online and when really pressed there doesn't seem to be much that sitting here could help.  Trouble with schoolwork?  Think of what 30 min a day reading just a step ahead of my kids in their books could do.  Fussy preschoolers?  They don't need more ideas, they need me at the table with a box of crayons.  Stress?  30 min more each day in quiet prayer would go a long, long way. And so the list went. 

For me, right now, it has become all too clear that more words and more screens are not the best direction I could be taking. There is indeed a time for everything under the heavens, a time for speaking and time to keep silent.  In fact there can't be much worth saying if it isn't borne out of regular periods of holy silence and contemplation.  This is such a time. 

So for now I am quieting myself in all the ways I can.  Fasting from excessive chatter, fasting my eyes, redeeming the time. I am sure the bustling cyber world will continue to revolve with or without me, but I did want to let those of you, who have become so dear to me here, know where I was in the meantime – starting lent early.

God bless you.
Prayer

Teach me to fix my eyes on the things of
heaven even as I walk each day with my feet
planted firmly on the earth. Help me, through
the practice of virtue and the pursuit of devo-
tion, to avoid anything that would otherwise
cause me to stumble in my attempt to follow
Christ and to be an instrument of the Holy
Spirit.


– from novena to St Francis de Sales

FAQ’s

Posted on by

"I am overwhelmed'
"I spend a lot more time on planning than on doing."
"Our plans sound good but they peter out."
"I never feel as though I am doing enough, but we are always so busy."
"I am having a hard time staying on top of things."
"How do you know when it is "enough." (read alouds, activities etc)

I have gotten some remarkably similar letters this past month.  So similar in fact that I suspect they are touching upon an increasingly common theme. I wanted to share some of these comments (above) in case you also have ever felt this way and wondered if you were alone.  You aren't. I don't personally know many of you personally but I am willing to bet you are diligent, committed moms who have some burdensome assumptions about what it takes to do this well. 

I have a lot of thoughts on this subject but only snatches of time on the computer.  I am going to first share with you the reply I sent initially and then re-sent with variations afterwards.  We are also working on a major blog overhaul which ought to help track down old articles which address "how we do it."  


The short answer to that last question is that I only manage to do what I do because I have become ruthlessly realistic about how many hours are in a day and what I can accomplish in them. A little goes a long way – a little reading aloud, a little memory work practice, a little art, a little decluttering, a little bit of date night and time to think about something besides school.  That is also important. As a good friend remarked, part of this dilemma is due to "school" taking up an disproportionate amount of our thoughts and lives.  


Anyway here are my initial thoughts with more to come, Lord willing and the crick don't rise: 


I do think it is very hard to both create all your own curricula and follow them in a large family.  There is a lotta life happening for most of us.   I have said before that no one is doing it all – at least not well.  There is only so much time and this particular activity takes up a big chunk of it.  For me, it took up too big a chunk to justify.

Some of the most organized and successful (large) homeschool families I have known through books and real life have not gotten caught up with reinventing the wheel.  They recognized that real life is plenty full of meaningful experiences in many different areas.  They cook, they travel, they garden, they care for pets, they sew, they paint, they are part of a church community, they play music or sports or games, they welcome new babies regularly.  (some combination of the above – though certainly not all for every family)   A child in an active loving family is rarely lacking in meaningful life experiences. This does not mean school just has to 'get done' with no regard to the quality of education.  It does mean that there isn't just one definition of 'quality education' and that a curriculum designed by mom is not necessarily better than one she selects carefully from another source.   


One advantage many of these families have is that they have chosen a program and stuck with it over the long haul despite the fact that many other homeschoolers may turn up their noses at their choices.  Their children did not shrivel up.  They thrived.  Why?   Because they knew what to expect each day and week.  They had consistency.  They made the most of their materials. They know them inside out and then can easily tweak when they teach the next child. Therefore, each year finds them jumping in again and making steady progress.  They are not losing big gaps of time while mom wrestles with methodology and writing new material.  They are
n't waiting on mom because she underestimated the amount of time she would have to devote to teacher directed lessons.   They know what to do and they do it. 


Many, like your children, are not fond of open-ended assignments nor lessons that drag on and on.  That doesn't mean they don't love learning nor that their learning is less authentic.  They just don't need the type of bells and whistles activities that look quite impressive to other moms.  Instead they do very well with careful reading of various subjects.  If you feel you are selling out if you don't do extensive hands-on projects for school it may help to check out articles like this one which point out how educators…
"..in the quest for relevance or utility, are failing to reinforce the basic facts."
and that…
''Discovery is a lot of fun, but often there are questions about what students learn from it. It degenerated into activity for activity's sake."


Many parents also don't realize that they likely ARE doing LOTS of hands on activity throughout their day.  If you keep your children alongside you as you do all the many things required to run a home and family (and for some families a business or ministry) you can bet your kids are involved in plenty of projects.  You don't need to apologize for not adding yet more in their academics.  We learn best by living, not by classroom activities no matter how clever they may be. 


As far as what must be done academically if you aren't using a prepared program, I would say do math.  Do it very well.  Do not neglect to do it.  I can't stress that enough.  It composes a huge chunk of college entrance exams and upper level science depends upon it. Even if your child is entering a liberal arts field they can earn money for college by scoring well in the math area and it will make their prerequisite courses much easier.   


Write regularly.  A complicated program is not necessary.  Keep journals.  Write letters.  Proof everything and discuss their errors.  Then, have them read widely and well. If you can't keep up with booklists and thematic reading it is perfectly fine to use anthologies or prepared courses.  Many kids really and truly enjoy them.  Mine have often discovered new authors through such volumes. It may also help to remember that even a hero like Charlotte Mason did not do thematic, activity based unit studies.  She used good lit and history books (often texts at upper levels!) and usually had a couple different things going at once (ie some world history, some national history, some ancient etc.)  If you haven't read it recently a read through Colette Longo's tips for simplifying homeschool is well worth the time for the perspective it affords. 


As mentioned here before, we also try to do Morning Time daily, even if it actually happens at noon time or dinner time. <g>  That is a short time all together where we go over history dates, the names of the planets and continents, times tables, poems, greek/latin roots and so on.  Can't swing Morning Time?  No problem. Try adding some audio learning products here and there. Throw a book on tape into the cd player when you run errands. It adds up. 


Be honest with yourself about the time and energy you have to prepare and to participate.  Don't underestimate how much time it takes to run a home and family and be a loving attentive wife.  Also, don't OVERestimate how much mom-involvement is necessary for a student to learn well.  I have shared before how the head master of Kolbe Academy once said that if you can help your student with his studies, fine.  If you can't, then it's even better.  Art Robinson, Drew Campbell, and John Holt would likely concur.  Their reasoning is that you cannot learn for anyone else.  It is not a team sport. The child may have to wrangle with the subject matter but odds are in his favor that if he sticks with it he will come out on top for the effort.  He will really KNOW that material in ways he would not if he had someone holding his hand.  That isn't cruel. (we do lend a hand, just not HOLD a hand)  It is doing him a great kindness in my opinion by teaching diligence, proficiency and responsibility for his own work.  We moms t
end to shoulder that load for them too often and end up with kids who are less than self-motivated as a result.  


Almost anything we do over and over we get very good at.  There is practically no curriculum that a child cannot learn a great deal from if they just stick with it.  There is also no perfect curriculum.  There are imperfections in all programs and with having no program at all.  Part of success is due to deciding which imperfections you are most comfortable with.  For many successful large families (see above links) that choice is prepared curriculum in at least some areas. Mom is freed up to focus on character training (a big part of which is doing schoolwork responsibly) and homemaking and being a wife.  Those are areas that often suffer when we get sidetracked trying to do every academic thing from scratch.   In fact those very areas are often more key to children's success than the content of their academic lessons.  


So am I suggesting we abandon hands on learning? No. We do school projects here and there but increasingly they are spontaneous and the curriculum does not depend upon them.  When we have time we usually choose to allocate it to a real life project like making a skirt or helping an older neighbor or preparing for a church play or music recital.  Like I said – there is a lot of life happening and that's ok.  Life is good : )  We also have combined traditional materials (like texts) with alternative methods (like notebooking) with absolutely stunning results. More to follow on that!  In this way we enjoy the best of both worlds and have the time and energy to dig into projects in the world around us. 


Remember this is a marathon, not a sprint. It is a cross country journey for some of us. We have to pace ourselves.  Be tortoises, not hares. : ) A little done well and regularly goes a long way.


God bless you!
-Kim


a post script – I know its publishing with funky highlighting and if I figure out why that happened I will try to rectify when I get another moment

Civil War Ball

Posted on by

Once again Alannah donned her hoop skirt and ball gown and took to the dance floor with her friends for the annual Civil War ball.  Once again it was incredible to behold.  I am not sure what the attendance was this year but last year's ball had some 400 dancers.  

We definitely lost something as a culture when we let the Virginia Reel and Schottische go by the wayside. I can't watch them without remembering my grandparents and great aunts and uncles doing some of these at every family wedding we attended while growing up. That was not THAT long ago despite my children's assertions ; )  I am glad we still have an opportunity to share this with our kids. 

As you can see ages 13 on up to adults attend the ball.  Many parents join in the fun. Allen was just flying home on this evening so the baby and I went in his stead.  She did not enjoy the night as much as her big sister. While Alannah spun around the dance floor Abbie took turns being bounced by my dear friends and I. (My back thanks you, Laura and Barb!!!)

DSC02243

DSC02236

DSC02245

the gentlest of rain

Posted on by

"Oh this is altogether too much," you may say, "besides we leave the care of all these things to the priest or teacher." Be not deceived; it is a duty that belongs primarily to you- you may indeed invoke their help, but you can never completely shift your burden onto their shoulders.  Add to this that no one can convey instruction to your children so efficaciously and with such good results as you, both because of your greater authority over them, and because of the facilities  afforded you by the ceaseless intimate contact with them.  The gentlest and smallest quantity of rain, provided only that it falls frequently and at the proper season, does much more good to the earth than torrents of rain falling at the wrong time; and in the same way, easy and short lessons given opportunely from time to time during your ordinary household occupations, will prove much more profitable to your children than extensive instructions received elsewhere. 


– Msgr John Hagen (1911)

Simple Woman’s Daybook

Posted on by
Simple-woman-daybook-small 

Monday January 12, 2009

(Please visit Peggy's site to participate in the Simple Woman's Daybook project)

Outside my window…. Snow is blowing wildly which caused several calls to automated line on base this morning. Verdict? No closings.  Just a nasty commute for my husband. 

I am thinking…. about that commute. As we traveled home last night, still abuzz with all the fun of the weekend fresh in our minds, we came upon a deadly accident out in the boonies near home. We missed it by just minutes. This is the second near miss in a month.  Asher and his sister were pumping gas in town a few weeks ago and the owner of the only other car at the station was mugged right in front of them. (broad daylight!)  I am so grateful for safety but it does make you think long and hard about being ready 'to go' at any time. We never can know. 

I am thankful for… children who take forever to round up (like herding cats my friend Casey used to say!) who kept us at the potluck those extra minutes last night.  For friends who bounce babies and settle in with you by a woodstove. For the opportunities the children had this weekend (more on those this week)

From the learning room…  the core subjects are trucking right along. Happy students! A simple plan has kept them productive right through their sister's birth and my recovery. I wish I had learned this lesson many years ago instead of constantly over-shooting with elaborate plans and falling far short of those unrealistic goals. 'Less complicated' has meant 'more consistency and progress'. 

From the kitchen… There is oatmeal and elk sausage from our friends this morning(thank you Barb!) Before the day is over we will have new batches of bread and yogurt. (Barb shared this article about Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day) There is pre-cooked meat and a couple whole main dishes in the freezer which ought to make dinner easier this week. 

I am wearing… jammies and the famous slippers.  AGAIN  lol!  A black skirt and a pastel sweater set are waiting upstairs. We are moving reeeeallly slowly today after a big weekend. 

I am creating… the last of the daily checklists for second semester. They have been a huge success. We are choosing crochet patterns for the girls' next projects.  

I am going…  to have to get the little boys to town later in the day if the snow dissipates. Colin needs a ride to the bus back to school as well

I am reading… I am finishing up Family Driven Faith which has inspired me to read excerpts aloud to my husband. We of a different denomination but the author shares important statistics from recent studies of Christian young adults that ALL parents should consider. 

 We are also STILL working through Theras and His Town which we started at the beginning of the school year. (have I mentioned that Slow and Steady is my motto lol!)  I would have thought the children would have given up on it by now but one morning last week when I asked for it from the basket Brendan hollered, "Yay!  Theras!"  I agree.  This is one of THE best read alouds we have shared. 

I am hoping… for a peaceful week with some time to stitch and read and rest.  


I am hearing… Aidan finishing up the oatmeal prep in the kitchen. The refrigerator humming. Kieran shuffling out of bed, wiping his eyes, and asking, "Where is my new math book?"  We picked up the next Miquon Math level Friday night and he is chomping at the bit to begin. 

Around the house… The Christmas decorations need to be taken down and the boxes put away now that we have celebrated the Epiphany. 

One of my favorite things… falling into a warm bed made up with soft flannel sheets after a full day. 

A few plans for the rest of the week… a visit to a friend's after piano and the last midwife visit and possibly a SPIN farming class at the library. 

Here is a picture thought I am sharing…
DSC_0116
Asher and his sisters. Tess has been restless these past evenings since she isn't feeling 100%. (hence the nose) 

Bread Dread and other raw food myths

Posted on by

My friend Barb shared this article with me this week which asks us to consider whether we are intolerant to certain foods or if we are preparing them incorrectly. The author explains how modern food preparation fails to neutralize naturally occurring toxins.  His position is similar to Sally Fallon's, which originated from Weston Price. His bottom line?  Slow food is best. Soaking and fermenting help make food more digestible and remove mineral-blocking phytates. Raw is not always better. (this is also a position taken by macrobiotics) And finally, the current trend to eliminate more and more food groups may not be the wisest solution to all ills – an assertion also made by Adelle Davis some decades ago. 

He shares this recipe for slow rise bread.  We tried this the other day with good results even at our altitude. It produces a light, French bread type loaf with a nice crust. You can adapt any bread recipe by using a bit less yeast and letting the dough sit overnight before baking. 

The discussion that follows his article is quite interesting.  There is no simplistic solution to the myriad health problems people face today.  No doubt food prep is only one contributing factor.  Pollution, genetics, vaccinations, soil depletion, food additives and stress all play their parts.  Still, it is one of the factors over which we have a good deal of control so it is worth considering what we can do in this area.  It is also good to examine the origins of some of our assumptions about what makes food nourishing. 
DSC_0121

colic

Posted on by

Once again, we are becoming quite familiar with babydance. It was such a regular part of life years ago that we find we are able to fall right back into step now after several rather mellow babies. Abigeál is such a joy to us, but she is not mellow by any stretch. From the start she has been distressed by the whole gamut of bodily functions, all of which were uncomfortable and overwhelming for her. She has made her peace with eating, but digestion is not without its challenges. She still cries at the prospect of each burp and simple things like falling asleep are not always simple. Actually being awake isn't always peachy either. <g> 

While pacing and patting one afternoon I remembered this passage from an old book by Femmy DeLyser, a Dutch midwife, which gave such a nice word picture of what babies go through and how to relate to and comfort them:

 When your baby cries and neither food nor diaper or position change ease the distress, assume that its bowels are giving it painful contractions. Now recollect what you learned about pain during labor. Fear made it worse. Yet every time a strong contraction came on fear did rise. When you looked at a trusted face and that face showed calm caring, your fear lessened and you could let your body work. It was still painful but not quite as frightening and lonely. If a hand touched you in the right spot that too made it better. And while kisses were nice when a contraction was over, in the middle of one they would have been quite out of place. Apply these insights to helping your baby. With one major difference: your baby perceives the feeling of others more directly than you did during labor. Therefore you have to overcome your responses of fear and panic when your baby cries so desperately because they will intensify its innate response to pain – tension and irregular breathing. Your baby is little, vulnerable, and sensitive. You are big and strong. You say, "Oh my little baby, I know you are hurting but nothing is seriously wrong. It is just your bowels from all your eating and growing. Let me try to help you with it. We will work on it together." 

And so we do. We work on it together. In fact it is a family affair. It is not unusual for an older sibling to casually walk by and take Abbie for a spin on the Babydance-floor. They are especially adept at dancing without getting tied in knots over the crying. Asher in particular has the touch. He will tune into one of his documentaries on tv and waltz her all over the family room, totally oblivious to the decibel level. His theory is that she can sense your tension so he distracts himself and keeps walking. It nearly always works!

Though time sometimes threatens to stand still when we are in the thick of it, this really is a small blip on the big screen of time.  Every week is a little bit better and before long this will be a dim memory. So we dance, and wait, and treasure every tiny smile she graces us with.  

DSC02155