A woman posed a question to me yesterday which got me thinking. She wanted to know my stance on textbook learning. I answered her question in comments (which apparently disallows paragraph formatting – yikes!) but felt another word was in order. So here goes.
Do I have a 'stance'? I guess so. The stance would be there are lots of ways to succeed and very often, maybe most often in my life anyway, it ends up being the way we had scarcely considered. In my life, when I am seeking success in a given area my first instinct has been to seek out advice from those I admire. I say that, but that translates into, "I seek out the advice of those I envy," or "I seek to emulate those who appear to have it all together," or any number of other motives which may or more likely may not bring me closer to success. Those giants I sought tended to dwell on the internet or in print which makes for a few major problems.
First, since they don't live next door they don't know me. They don't know my kids. Their well-intended advice may be completely inappropriate for our family in these circumstances.
Second, the reverse holds true. Because they are not next door I have no idea how much of the life they portray is accurate and honest. I don't know what their home looks like, how their children behave, what success they enjoy. I can't ascertain whether their methods are contributing to or jeopardizing peace and balance. The hard truth is, many times we don't see the whole picture and it is unwise to base major life decisions on such a foundation.
Most importantly however, they are not the ones God put in charge of this family. My family. They were not given a vision for these children. As impressive as their vision may be, I have no guarantee that it at all matches up to that which God intended for this bunch. There is one person who does however. Their daddy.
Over the yrs I immersed myself in homeschool books, internet gurus, and pretty much every other possible source of information one could lay hands upon. I was well-versed in methodology and could tsk and sigh with the best of them at the poor folks who didn't know any better than to have "school at home" or who I assumed thought "inside the box." Those of us who struggled with housework or fatigue were assured that burnout was normal and expectations had to be lowered. I convinced myself that my husband had delegated education to me and that I had his blanket approval for pretty much whatever I planned. Surely he appreciated all my research and deferred to me in this area right? All this combined to keep me strolling along with the status quo for a lot of years.
Lorrie Flem's Teach mailing shared advice to bring Dad into the homeschool. Not by making him teach classes after work or whatnot but by truly basing our schools on HIS vision for his kids. She insisted that if you ask, reeeeally ask sincerely, that you may be surprised to discover that yes, he has opinions. He may have strong opinions which he has opted not to share in light of your apparent expertise. She also warned that you should prepare your homeschool to be shaken up if you ask such questions and intend to act upon them.
I did that. She was right. : ) Friends of mine did the same. We discovered that despite all the convincing articles to the contrary, our husbands did want our kids to take tests and study and memorize. They wanted them to be well-read for sure, but they also wanted them to possess skills necessary to succeed in traditional school settings. They supported our lifestyle but they did not want our academic choices to dictate and define all of our life together.
We adjusted. We tried new things. More accurately, we tried some OLD things that we were told would never work. They worked. And I would never have had this experience if my head was stuck in the screen instead of here in my family.
My 'stance' is that my stance is irrelevant. It really doesn't matter a bit in your family. You don't know me and my opinion isn't worth beans to you. If you are married and have children there is one person who does have an opinion – their Daddy. Ask him. Sincerely ask him and vow not to roll your eyes (even interiorly) at what he may tell you. Step out in faith if need be and be willing to follow his lead. Realize that if you have been out in front of this parade for any length of time he may not appear interested in leading it or may direct hesitantly. That's ok too. Your heavenly father and your children's earthly father can and will work it all out and get your family on a good steady path if you let them.
It can be scary to let go of all the 'truths' you have clutched tightly. But you come out in a good place. There is a Christian song which always makes me smile because it describes so well the journey I have been on:
"I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone
Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me"
-Francesca Battistelli
Starry Sky Journal 