One of the highlights of the summer was showering our daughter and son-in-law as they prepare for their first baby's arrival in a few weeks. Several of us were able to travel from Utah and Colorado to be together. The aunt's and uncle's-to-be are beside themselves with anticipation. Moira and her husband have lots of family nearby who have been a tremedous blessing to them as they have begun their lives together. They are so lucky to have them!
This is a whole starting over for us, a definitive next chapter. In so many ways it is not unlike my own first pregnancy. So many daydreams, trying to wrap your head around what is coming, trying to predict what may happen and how you might feel. All that imaginary role play we do ahead of big changes, trying on the new life for size.
And just like it was when I was expecting my own first baby, the end of my musing as an expectant grandmother leaves me with only guesses and wondering. I can't know what this will feel like, though people try to tell me. I can only wonder at my new role and how I will do in it. I am not at all sure how to do it well from so far away much less how one could ever inspire the sort of devotion my own grandmother did. How DID she do it, I ask myself now.
Perhaps the one thing different at this time in life is having a long history of things falling together as they should. There is less a need to know beforehand. Somehow the answers will be birthed along with this tiny person.
There is much more to tell about the long road that brought us here and eventually I will. I can say this though, watching my daughter already owning her motherhood, researching her options, and making educated decisions for her baby leaves me in awe. She is not a carbon copy of me. She does things her own way. Many things she does much better than I. A welcome gift time has given is that different choices don't bother me so much as an older woman. I am only inspired with profound respect seeing her fierce determination to do her very best.
It was probably youthful arrogance that led me to subconsciously believe the most monumental part of life was the early climb. Year after year of expanding everything – doubling recipes, replacing stock pots, bigger vehicles, more bedrooms. The dailiness of it was all-consuming and I think it led to a sort of myopia about what would come after all that. It seemed as though whatever was coming next could never be as tremendous as what was. For some years after my own last baby it was difficult to imagine any other way of life ever being as good.
I am not "there" yet to report back but I can say the trailers for this upcoming show are very promising.
Starry Sky Journal 