"Mom can you put my hair up and roll it tonight?" she asked very hopefully. I did. It took all of 5 minutes but when we were done we were both smiling.
There is no shortage of advice on how to get the chores done, how to discipline, how to do more and more and more work efficiently. I am a realist. It is inevitable after ten children. There are things we must do. There are problems to solve.
In the 90's the catch phrase "tying heartstrings" popped up. It stuck with me. We can't solve problems unless we are operating from a base of affection and genuine good will. When we are, there seem to be fewer problems to solve. The purpose of the problem solving is also ultimately not about greater productivity, but improved relationships. As one of my other favorite catch phrases go, "The purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship."
(image by Becky Higgins)
Time, which seemed to creep along at a snail's pace when the children were all smaller, now leaps along with great strides. A dear friend and I were musing over loved ones gone, loved ones failing, and our own mortality. We shared our regret over irritations and misunderstandings and renewed our resolve to work harder on patience, gentleness, and empathy, because here is the cold hard truth of the thing: you don't know how many chances you'll get. One of them will be the last one. Kids grow up. People move away. Things happen.
It costs so little to bless a person. Here's to saying yes when we can.
Some older essays on the topic:
Starry Sky Journal 