Sunday thoughts: the disagreeable parts

Church (1 of 1)

"….she is a confirmed busybody and I told her so!" growled Mr. Harrison

"Oh that must have hurt her feelings very much," said Anne reproachfully. 

"It was the truth and I believe in telling the truth to everybody."

"But you don't tell the whole truth," objected Anne. "You only tell the disagreeable part of the truth."

"You'll have to excuse me Anne. I've got a habit of being outspoken and folks mustn't mind it."

"But they can't help minding it. What would you think of of a person who went about sticking pins and needles into people and saying, 'Excuse me, you mustn't mind it… it's just a habit I've got.'"

I have been interested in one of the later volumes of the Anne of Green Gables series but have decided I needed to buckle down and read the middle books and not skip ahead.  Once more I am glad for making the effort. I am remembering how many life lessons Lucy Maude Montgomery weaves so artfully into her stories.  

Many friends have remarked over the years about the tone we tend to slip into from the safety of a screen.  It is easy to be snide and mocking, to be passive aggressive. (or just plain aggressive) .  "Oh, that's just a joke.  Everybody shares these."   In real life as well, we tend to make excuses for ourselves.  We defend our words because they are true.  And they may be.  It's likely they are not the whole truth about a person or situation, however. It's possible we share only the disagreeable parts.  Very often that is the only part of things we take the time to know about. 

One son challenged himself during a lent years ago not to complain.  To speak only positive things or remain silent.  He noted at the end of those weeks that he felt changed.  Our words do not only wound others.  We cannot avoid doing ourselves harm when we habitually share the disagreeable parts.

 

 

 

balance

Watering web

"With our pitchers we sometimes attempt to water a field, not a garden."  Anne Morrow Lindbergh

"Balance is not an achievement in itself, but a journey – and I am always on my way there, never fully arrived.  The world summons me countless times each day. The phone rings, the request is put forth.  And I must summon the strength and clarity to know when to say "no" with grace, and when to say "yes" with pleasure and conviction. I remind myself I am not shirking my social obligations, I am protecting our family life."  Mittenstrings for God

 

Another edition of Two Related Thoughts from my commonplace book. This time, a reminder to consider the capacity of our pitchers. 

the monastery bells at home

Apr 2011 holland rosary hands heartland

So many families find themselves trying to keep learning going on at home right now. There is no shortage of advice about how to do that.  A friend mentioned the other day another challenge she has: incorporating the daily prayers and bible reading into this new normal.  Before commenting I will remind you that our life has been in flux more often than not so this is not a perfect science. Also worth noting is that I am relaxed to a fault and never have been one to abide by strict clock-dependent schedules.  More often than not however, my days have a flow that includes those things, so I can at least tell you how that happens for whatever that may be worth. It may spark ideas that can be adapted to work in another home.  

Years ago we had a book for Catholic converts which touched on common prayers and practices.  It mentioned introducing one such prayer or practice at a time and trying to be faithful to it for a stretch of time before adding new ones to the mix.  Normally that would be ideal counsel, although with children suddenly home and missing the prayer routine they may have had at school, there is a good argument to be made that including whatever has been taken from them would be a stabilizing thing to do. 

Typically, I begin my day with several bookmarks in the Mother Love book.  Several of us have private prayers we say alone while it is still quiet. I have a deep devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows and the prayers in my confraternity book for various members of the family and various needs speak to me.  Others do bible study or read from something like a Fr Lasance title for boys or girls. It's different for each and some do nothing, quite honestly. 

Then comes the whole waking up and feeding of big kids in the throes of adolescence.  The challenge here is to retain some of that peace and resolve which descended with the personal morning prayers. No lie.  This is a challenge, especially while encouraging them to get up, get up, and, for real, get up now. Eat, do dishes, start laundry.  

When we go to the school room to start lessons we use our large prayer card and say the morning offering.  Technically morning has already started but we are now awake and starting the work part of the day and more importantly, we are together.  The prayer card we use has the morning offering, the acts of faith/hope/charity, and the angel of God prayer. After we finish we read from a saint of the day book.  All that takes just a few minutes. I will often read a bit from a read aloud novel and a spiritual book right about then too. Then we knock out seat work such as math and language and other text work. 

Character Calendar

At noon we say the Angelus (or during Eastertide Regina Coeli) and break for lunch.

After lunch we settle back in to finish any work and then we begin our workouts, usually separately.  I will sit in on the girls' dance practice afterwards. If I write that day or do a major project it's usually in the afternoon.  Then come afternoon chores and thinking about dinner prep.  

Jan 2018 rosary close web (1 of 1)

After dinner, while most of us are together, we say the rosary and St Michael prayer.

Always.

Then we say the end of day prayers: the Fatima prayers, Visita Quaesumus, Act of Contrition, Angel of God.  

Usually we will break up into smaller groups to play games or watch movies or whatever TV shows we are following. Sometimes one or more of us will just go to bed to read or crash early. 

A few random thoughts would be first, none of this takes a very long time.  These are more like little breaks to reconnect and anchor our days.  Sometimes I will listen to the rosary or the Bible online while I soak in the tub or fold laundry etc since I try to get in more decades each day than we say together.  Most importantly I will also mention here that we do not consider ourselves to be better people because of this routine, rather the inverse is true. We try to hold to a routine because we are frail creatures and know all too well how much we need this and how badly we mess up when this framework is not in place.  

In short, we are not superior because we pray; we pray because we desperately need the grace prayer gives.

 

 

Some resources to support:

Many of us have created bulletin boards or a command center of some sort to collect the calendar, saint book, etc needed for our routine.  I like to keep a printable calendar or coloring pages (you don't even need to color them) displayed nearby like this

It helps to have a little basket set up for rosaries and bibles/missals/prayer books.  Pinterest has some ideas for manipulatives for little people. 

Years ago I was inspired by Andrea's discussion about religious communities and their daily routines. She compares the schedules for three different monastic orders, a teaching order, and a suggested "rule" for homeschooling moms. My own schedule look very like hers except dinner and rosary times are flipped.  The chart is super helpful in ordering our days and while it is still available online I hope you'll click through to it here

There are various apps online that can be used for daily devotions.  Butler's Lives of the Saints 

Catholic Devotions Rosary is one I am used to but there are many on YouTube 

 

Since this is supposed to be a very natural part of the day, I don't go too crazy with bells and whistles.  The more complicated it gets, the less likely you are to stick to it. 

For I Remember

"For I remember it is Easter morn,
And life and love and peace are all new born."
– Alice Freeman Palmer

Apr 2020 easter web-3

This will go down as a most unusual Easter celebration, one that found us in our houses deprived of mass and extended family, with so many unknowns. We set the table and made the ham but it was a more subdued holiday than our children are accustomed to having.  Someone had the idea to use the Zoom platform to have a virtual get together. It was both wonderful and bittersweet.  We are grateful to be able to see the babies in their Easter dresses and Will in his little button down shirt showing us his new car, though it is not the same as real life hugs and kisses. 

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The adult boys came to the rescue of flagging spirits by staging a most epic egg hunt, even for our family which is known for pretty next level egg hunts.  Late Saturday night, long after we had gone to bed they hatched their plan.  When I woke up Sunday morning and began to make breakfast I wiped my hands on the cloth laid over the stove handle and the first egg dropped.  When I opened the carton I found another plastic egg among the real ones and realized what they had done.  What followed was a long pursuit of eggs hiding bizarre places such as inside of hollowed out oranges in the fruit bowl.  Fortunately someone thought to keep a master list of hiding spots to refer back to. 

 Later in the day, when the babies were down for the night, we tried some virtual games together. 

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I have been thinking about Easter readings which mention purging the leaven of malice.  Leaven is what causes dough to swell and puff up and malice, of course, is ill will towards others.  The passage would encourage us to consider how easily and often we can swell up with self-righteous judgement and bear malicious feelings towards others.  We know so little, really, about each other.  So little.  Surely much less than we fancy we do.  It cooks up such a bitter loaf in us.  

Our day ended with snow falling.  It continues to blanket the woods even now. That's ok though.  It is just deepening my feeling of hibernation and helping to hush the world outside. 

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When walking the dogs we noticed how brightly the girls' window shines from the side of the house.  It made me think again about the reading today.  I hope that, despite all that is plaguing us, that what is spilling out of us is still beautiful, devoid of malice, and pointing to One Who is perfect. That's my goal anyway, however short I SO often fall of that. 

divide your days

 

Apr 2020 fball yard web-4

"We shall divide the days into teaching thy mind and teaching thy hands, then weariness shall not give thee excuse for discouragement. 

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Because he had something interesting to do and to think about… the days were passing more quickly.


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God's good time, His sunshine, and the love that is borne thee are all healing.

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Tomorrow is another day.  

Soap kitchen (3 of 5)

Take thy rest for now, and thou wilt do better work next time."

excerpted from The Door in the Wall

May we all be finding those doors that transport us beyond the wall of our restrictions.  Remember the good monk's counsel to balance active time with quiet time, academic work with physical work, and rest woven in between.  We try to arrange our days like patches in a quilt, evenly alternating the busy patterns with squares of solid color. 

Work and play. 

Exercise and rest.

Discussion and reflection. 

Big muscle work and fine motor disciplines.  

Music and quiet. 

Indoors and outdoors.  

Like the waves bounding in towards the shore and slipping back out to sea, again and again and again, in a steady rhythm. 

 

 

note: this post may contain an affiliate link to Amazon.  This costs you nothing when you click through but may earn us a small credit to be used for more books to share with you.  Like a beautiful circle of book life. 

Daybook: Holy Week

From the kitchen

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These are full days to say the least.  Many meals to be made with unpredictable availability of ingredients. I am glad to have my books back and pulled out Make a Mix to see what might be helpful.  We made cornbread mix and plan to get some meat mixes made and frozen to start.  If you don't have the book you can check out any of the online Master Mix collections and print. Also a great concept but does require more ingredient mixing on the cooking day than this book. 

Watching:

A Hidden Life | IFFR

Asher suggested A Hidden Life last weekend and boy was that a good call. I have not been so pulled into a film in a long time.  My thoughts continue to drift back to it over and over.  So much reflection about discernment, how truly difficult it is, how so many want to sway you one way or another, and how terribly invested and opinionated people can be in your personal choices. The sheer strength of mind it took him to come to and remain faithful to his decisions amid the swirling controversy and the contradictory counsel he got from all sides is inspiring.  The resolute calm of his wife in the face of the scorn and ridicule of the community was simply awe inspiring.  As her father simply stated, "It is better to endure injustice than to commit it."  

Reading:

 

Perelandra (Literature) - TV Tropes

Kieran is reading Perelandra for class. He's doing fine so far so I have not read along. He's been enjoying it much more than expected. 

Creating:

This might sound silly but most recently I have been absorbed with dog grooming.  We have two Standard Poodles who are used to regular visits to the groomer.  There has been a lot of YouTube happening. My results are very amateurish but respectable enough for the first effort.  

Archie

I am sneaking in some class time for myself when I can.  It isn't often as I would like, but I have online classes backing up and website work to get to. 

Health and Wellness Steps:

We ordered a small oximeter.  A mom whose kids got very serious cases of covid recently had mentioned it is a handy gadget to have and helped her decide who needed more medical attention. I figured it was an affordable item that would be helpful for home eval of many potential respiratory issues.  

Wearing:

My glasses.  Not my fave but I am trying to ration out my remaining contacts. 

Around the house:

The crucifix is covered for Passiontide. 

Apr 2020 passiontide web

Abbie set up the Easter tree with our German ornaments. Once the snow melted we had many small downed branches to use. Friends were discussing sourcing easter candy etc and I realized I have not given much thought to that.  That is very me of me, to say the least.  I don't forget to decorate.  I do forget about food.  I am not doing the shopping these days either, however, and am beginning to see how intuitively I shop.  Trying to create comprehensive lists in advance or to walk someone else through substitutions is a challenge.  

Apr 2020 easter tree web

Outside

We ventured outside to catch the super moon.  It was admittedly less super in the forest where the trees blocked the flashier appearance as it came up over the horizon.  Still?  Points for trying.  The blinds were up last night when I went upstairs later and the moon lit up the room pretty spectacularly. 

Apr 2020 moon web

Thinking about:

The George Eliot line from A Hidden Life and reminding myself that I ought to tackle Middlemarch

“..for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts;

and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been,

is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life,

and rest in unvisited tombs.”

 

 

 

First Friday – April

 


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Prayer of Trust in the Sacred Heart

In all my temptations, I place my trust in Thee, O Sacred
Heart of Jesus.
In all my weaknesses, I place my trust in Thee, O Sacred
Heart of Jesus.
In all my difficulties, I place my trust in Thee, O Sacred
Heart of Jesus.
In all my trials, I place my trust in Thee, O Sacred
Heart of Jesus.
In all my sorrows, I place my trust in Thee, O Sacred
Heart of Jesus.
In all my work, I place my trust in You, O Sacred
Heart of Jesus.
In every failure, I place my trust in Thee, O Sacred
Heart of Jesus.
In every discouragement, I place my trust in
Thee, O Sacred Heart of Jesus.
In life and in death, I place my trust in Thee, O Sacred
Heart of Jesus.
In time and in eternity, I place my trust in Thee, O Sacred
Heart of Jesus.

CATHOLIC BOOK OF PRAYERS

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Daybook – April begins


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from the kitchen:

Sourdough everything.  A friend sent me some starter and I am trying to get up to speed about its care and feeding. I actually have no idea what I am doing but hey, I've never let that stop me.  Family reports that the pancakes today were "much better than usual," which I think is a compliment.  

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wearing:

Pajama pants.  Not gonna lie.  We started this quarantine thing more official like but we are in more self comfort and support mode now. After a late movie with the girls I let them sleep in today so I got semi-dressed and ready to face only the fam anyway.

The girls and I had a talk about some positive, creative steps we could take during lockdown and they decided to sew.  We are going to get the machine set up and work on some paper bag skirts. Looks like we will be making or mail ordering spring outfits this year. 

watching:

Pride and Prejudice with the girls last night.  I love the Kiera Knightley version. It was two hours of complete escape. 

www.gstatic.com/tv/thumb/v22vodart/159494/p1594...

The Office with the guys.  Often.  This plague may seriously go down as The Office Pandemic for us.  

outside:

Apr 2020 jay web

Most of the snow is melted.  At the moment.  It's spring in the Rockies and it's quite likely that was not the last hurrah.  Snow means green grass later though. Meantime, the stellar jays are making a clatter out back.   Tiny finches have made an appearance.  We are going to try to get a bird feeder set up by way of first steps to bring more winged creatures to the yard.  

The deer have been feeding out near the fence line. I never tire of them. 

Apr 2020 fawn web

From the learning room:

The Current War was a hit with me anyway.  We covered electricity and circuits in middle school science this month.  Youtube Kids has many short video demos to flesh that out. 

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Still on our WWI study and we hit the Romanov family and the Russian revolution.  The girls revisited Anastasia and read about all the Anastasia imposters and how the mystery was sadly resolved with the advent of DNA testing. 

Execution of the Romanov family - Wikipedia

around the house:

We bought a clipper set to groom the dogs ourselves.  (Insert dramatic music here.) The groomer is closed and the dogs cannot wait weeks or longer.  Again, YouTube to the rescue.  See above comment under "from the kitchen."

reading:

The Door in the Wall   -     By: Marguerite DeAngeli

We began The Door in the Wall together.  It is a fast read with lots of spiritual and practical relevance to our current plague. Resources we are using include…

Door in the Wall study guide

Bubonic Plague video

Spanish Flu for Kids here and here

Also doing a personal reread of Simplicity Parenting more on that next

big thought:

As with any public crisis I have returned to and referred folks to Kim John Payne and Simplicity Parenting.  Highly recommend a listen to Podcast #5 lower on the page entitled Filtering Adult Information is More Important Now Than Ever Before.  I love this man.  He has such a heart for children and families. It is easy to let ourselves off the hook and blame circumstances beyond our control but we need to sincerely consider the ways we might be contributing to their stress.  There are simple steps we can take to get our children and ourselves through crises like these. He urges us to consider whether our words are true, kind, necessary, and securing. I know its a temptation for me, especially with the adult kids handy, to jump into conversation without that consideration. 

Also included in the podcast is good info about pacing and imagery in contemporary cinematography and its impact on young brains.