"Somehow we have gotten swept into a millrace, and it's nonstop flailing and thrashing just to keep ourselves from drowning. The sheer necessities of modern life sweep us farther and farther from any sense that it is all hallowed, really. What are we to do?

…accept the fact that life comes tumbling at us nowadays but that it is nonetheless possible for us to see our ordinary daily routines as proceeding among the hallows."  

Thomas Howard, Hallowed Be This House

Outside:

We had our first real afternoon hail of the summer just before dinner.  This, right after I had made a note to myself to buy hail netting for our son's vegetable pots.  It may be futile.  We shall see. We ran the attic fan afterwards and pulled some of that marvelously cool and fragrant air into the house.  

Wearing:

Capris, a tank, a floral tunic, and sandals.  All knit.  You could call it sort of lounge wear.  Ok, it's loungewear.  I did some lounging. I was supposed to have an appointment this morning but wasn't feeling great in the night.  The appointment was rescheduled and I indulged in a nap before tackling the day's work. I think we redeemed the day after all though.  Sometimes, especially with autoimmunity, you must respect your limits. 

In the garden:

The lupines are back in the garden.  They are a favorite and I may just dig out Miss Rumphius every summer going forward. Those purple blooms are a tangible reminder of that wonderful character's determination to leave everyplace she went better for her having been there. 

From the Kitchen:

I baked a big ham for dinner.  Beef prices have been climbing but for whatever reason the ham is very economical yet. After dinner I prepped a casserole for brunch tomorrow, put up some slices for another dinner, then diced leftovers for omelettes or salads. There is such a sense of relief and satisfaction to have meals made up ahead.  It is like stocking up hours in the coming days. 

Around the House:

The bed and dresser my husband finished staining for our son is finally dry and installed in his room. This boy has shuffled around many rooms and roommates over the past several years and it is so nice for him to have his own space with some masculine pieces.  I found some thrifted gray and white loose sheets and sewed a simple duvet for him.  

Reading:

I finished my recent Tolstoy short story and am reading some picture books from the civil rights era. Yes, picture books.  I am so visual and have always maintained that if I am still able to learn from excellent picture books then so can my students, even if they are not little.  Two favorites were Ruth and the Green Book and Sit In

Reflecting on:

I've been thinking over the reading yesterday about the lost sheep.  While social media and maybe just human nature in general seem fixated on the sins of others I am reminded of St Paul's insistence that he, who was chosen by God Himself, was in fact the lowest of sinners.  How important it is to read these scripture passages in the first person.  The sheep whose feet I need to focus on is me.  I am the one likely to wander, not some anonymous other, much less a particular he/she/them.  It is I who stands to lose my focus and wind up where I ought not, at least figuratively.  It is Jesus Who I see coming around the bend as though to say, "There you are."  

The miracle is that He is willing to do this over and over and over, never tiring.  

Parental celebration holidays can be warm and wonderful affairs for close, healthy families.  For many others they are at least somewhat complicated. For some they are altogether painful.  We did not all have the same experiences and days like today can put a harsh spotlight on those differences.  

I mentioned the other day that we had recently watched A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.  I knew it was about a reporter who Fred Rogers connected with and how that relationship changed this man.  I wasn't aware of the specifics, nor how timely this story would be. At one particularly compelling part of the film, as the man is describing his life and the very difficult relationship with his father, Fred says simply but clearly,

"Try to remember that your relationship with your father also helped to shape those parts. He helped you become what you are."

All the experiences of our lives, all the people who have played big or small roles – villain or hero, protagonist or antagonist – have shaped who we are today.  It all came together exactly as it did to make us, us.

This thought brings me some peace. 

Outside:

The newly restored fountain has become a haven for songbirds. I assumed we mostly had birds of prey here in the high forest. The addition of this water source is drawing all manner of small colorful birds to the garden.  We plan to make a visit to the local wild bird store to learn more about different feeders and seed and see what else we can attract. 

Wearing:

I found a floral cotton knit robe which soon became a favorite staple.  It inspired me to add a few pastel pajama pieces to go along. It was a small self-care step that paid off well. 

From the kitchen:

We had a birthday.  Asher turned 30.  That makes one of us really old.  We had tacos and  cheesecake.  On one of my first in store shopping trips I picked up some of Pioneer Woman's new checked napkins for fun.  They don't go with my house at all but they will be great for the patio.  

Listening:

The Beatles have been my carpool karaoke soundtrack lately.  

Towards Health and Wellness:

I am all about the dumbbell workout lately.  My knee got messed up a few weeks ago due to a misstep in the house while cleaning.  I have not been able to walk distances reliably but have been able to continue the hand weights. I began juicing again.  Midlife hormones continue to be a challenge and I am experimenting with some plant based bioidentical augmentation.  That sounds much tamer than it is in practice.  Midlife is not for cowards, y'all.  Not at all. 

Watching:

We watched A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood the other evening. The set construct, flipping between a 70's style model town and the actual movie set, was off-putting to me, however it reignited my love for Mr Rogers and has sparked many conversations about connection and empathy, versus pity and judgement. How do we encourage healing? How do we ground ourselves to be truly present with one another? Hint: less talking and more earnest listening.

Reading:

I could not help myself.  After reading a passage from Family Happiness I ordered a volume of Tolstoy's short stories. I feel at home once again, getting caught up in his characters' dreams and fears.  

Around the house:

We installed a giant mirror this past week.  There had been a large architectural mirror in the living room when we first saw the house. It ended up leaving with the family which greatly saddened us, having seen what an impact such a piece made.  After a year we have replaced it and are very happy with the way it reflects the light and adds depth to the space. 

From the Craft Room:

The girls are proficient at the sewing machine now. We bought some things from the thrift store that needed alterations.  Yesterday we tag teamed to get several pieces cut and hemmed.  It makes sewing a pleasure and the job was quickly finished.  

Considering:

"Better than fasting…."

I revisited St John of the Cross last night with a friend when we were both dismayed by a recent display of gossip veiled as prayer.  It is a fine line that runs between information and sensational curiosity.  Before we speak on what we hear he says  in his Sayings of Light and Love, “Conquering the tongue is better than fasting on bread and water.”

In his counsels he goes so far as to advise that we "carefully guard against thinking about what happens in the community and even more against speaking of it, of anything in the past or present concerning a particular (person): nothing about his or her character conduct or deeds no matter how serious any of this seems."   These ultimately distract us from our own weaknesses and tend to puff us up with pride. Is our ongoing commentary really as essential as we imagine?  In most cases we do best to pray for our brethren and go back to work our own fields.  It is the rare occasion where we can speak negatively and not harm ourselves in the process. 

"What we need most in order to make progress is to be silent before this great God…"