There are many pictures piling up here. Archeology digs, pond dipping, soccer games. One girl is driving. A future being speculated upon. And work. Lots of work. And more play. And then sleep has to happen and the day is all gone and the pictures languish. (Actually they aren't languishing long because I am working on albums. The paper and glue sort. All old school and low tech.)
I have talked with moms young and no longer young in stolen minutes in between. As I have listened to exhaustion and exasperation I remember my own. What women want to know is where to find these answers, those strategies. The right consequences to make kids behave, choose well. Clean stuff. : ) I know this. I did that. And it wasted much time, only postponing what really needed to happen to create peace and progress. That bit was me being all those things I wished they would be – orderly, peaceful, diligent, merciful. It was about getting UP from my projects, my book, whatever and being present and accounted for. Right in the thick of things as often as possible. Doing it all together. The laundry, the dishes, the ball games too.
(on a side note: A friend shared a fabulous site called GOYBP – get off your butt parenting. It sums up what many of us figured out. You just have to get up and engage. Be the grown up. Follow through. Fix the breakdown. Prevent future breakdowns by being there before it goes south, since most kid problems happen when they are left unattended.)
Lest it sounds like I have arrived in this journey I am humbling admitting that daily I have to remind myself how this dynamic works. And why it doesn't when it isn't working. It is nearly always the same. Getting off my bum and engaging. So that's where I am right now. Stuff is cleaner this way. : )
Two things have happened that brought it into focus. A younger mom friend was saying how she met two 'workhorse moms' at a camp and how well their families worked. I remembered workhorse moms in my past. They spent most of their waking hours well, working, except they never gave the impression it was work. They were reaping so many blessings by their efforts that it was clearly benefitting them as well as their families. Peace. Joy. Progress.
We got word last night that one of those moms from our own past died this week. She was just a few years older than I and tried to tell me these things in a long ago and far away life, when I had just three little boys, really wanted a nap, and lived for mom's nite out. She pressed ahead modeling that diligence, raising nine kids, mentoring women, and moving with her military husband. They welcomed grandparents into their home. They sent kids to seminary. And then a rare cancer struck and in her early 50's with elementary school kids still at home she was gone. I sincerely doubt she had many wasted days to her name. She left a strong team behind.
Coincidentally today we read a euology in our book:
"…he simply did his duty in all things, and did it so cheerfully, so faithfully, that it kept him patient and brave, and happy through poverty and loneliness and years of hard work. He was a good son, and gave up his own plans to stay and live with his mother while she needed him. He was a good friend, and taught…much beside Greek and Latin, did it unconsciously, perhaps, by showing an example of an upright man. He was a faithful servant, and made himself so valuable to those who employed him that they will find it hard to fill his place. He was a good husband and father, so tender, wise, and thoughtful, that Laurie and I learned much of him, and only knew how well he loved his family, when we discovered all he had done for them, unsuspected and unassisted."
He never asked help for himself, though often for others, but bore his own burden and worked out his own task bravely and quietly. No one can say a word of complaint against him, so just and generous and kind was he; and now, when he is gone, all find so much to love and praise and honor, that I am proud to have been his friend, and would rather leave my children the legacy he leaves his than the largest fortune ever made. Yes! Simple, generous goodness is the best capital to found the business of this life upon. It lasts when fame and money fail, and is the only riches we can take out of this world with us." Little Men
That first line holds the secret – doing it all cheerfully, kindly, and generously kept him patient, brave, and happy.
The very things we balk at turned out to be the very things that make life better. Make us happier. So it seems so much easier to just do it.
Starry Sky Journal 