Life has been moving along at a quiet hum, reasonably steady but at a swift pace.   I enrolled in an ambitious course for myself this spring which has impacted our schedule and my own peace of mind considerably. It was still a good idea but certainly highlighted the role I play in our home and what happens when hours are diverted from that role on a daily basis.  Like any worthwhile project I am glad to have undertaken it, but also looking forward to reestablishing a more restorative rhythm once this initial push is past.  

My husband meanwhile has begun a rigorous training program to prepare for his first triathlon.  It might seem exceptionally unwise for both of us to commit to challenging exterprises simultaneously but it's actually helped us to be intentional about our time.  

We have always divided up home chores but over the past several months have made after dinner clean up a group effort.  Assigning the kitchen to the children was a bad idea.  It meant waking up to at least a couple pots still soaking or counters half wiped.  Truth is, no one enjoys working alone and many jobs were done haphazardly.  I took the room back in the end.  My husband didnt think that seemed right so he rolled up his sleeves and worked alongside, making sure the older boys were in the kitchen as long as we were.  It's not a new idea.  My friend Jenny advised many years ago that working WITH the children, even older children, was far more effective than 'assigning' work to them.  We find this to be true.  It is a huge morale boost to wake up to a tidy kitchen and coffee ready to go.  

After dinner cleanup is finished we say the rosary and then some part of the family runs over to the athletic center.  The younger children sometimes go along to swim or run or play ball.  The olders use the machines or weights. If I have worked out early in the day then I catch some study time. Between warmer weather and the gym there isn't much time or interest in the TV, for any of us.  All the better. 

It definitely stretches you in all sorts of sometimes uncomfortable ways to move in new directions at the midcentury point in life.  I know we are not alone.  A good friend has recently reentered the workforce.  Others have taken on care of parents.  More than a few friends entered college at this stage of life for completely new career paths. Some have relocated and are starting new lives in other communities and new climates.   Not gonna lie, brains and bodies sometimes resist thinking and moving in unfamiliar directions, at least initially.  There have been tears and a lot of sabotaging self talk:

I'm too old for this.  

Perhaps you can't teach old dogs new tricks.

Wasn't I doing just fine and had plenty on my plate already?

Should it be taking THIS long?  

One of our son's shot this note to me:

"Fulfillment means embracing and conquering your mental blocks, and constantly stretching the boundaries of your comfort zone. Especially when it's a healthy discomfort that won't harm you, and just frustrates."

He was right.  I was way out of my comfort zone and not enjoying myself at all but this is not a harmful pain.  It is simply frustrating and in time, with consistent effort, this will pass.  At least I am pretty sure it will lol.  If not I will die trying and there are far worse ways to go.

New moves are hard y'all.  By this point in life it is much more comforting to carry on in the ruts of well worn paths.  While listening to a pop singer on the radio however, we were discussing how this artist is still performing many years later. (which is a wonderful thing) The catch was that the performances were all repeats of those early hits.  I knew in my heart while we were talking that I don't want to simply revel in our glory days.  If God is granting us more healthy years then hopefully we can continue to explore and develop new skills and new ideas.  This is how we can experience some springtime in the autumn of life. 

  “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” 
Mathatma Ghandi

A story that encouraged me this week here.  

"I am going to show you a secret to holiness and happiness. For five minutes every day let your imagination be quiet, close your eyes to everything they see, and shut your ears to of all the world’s noise so that you can withdraw into the sanctuary of your baptized soul, the temple of the Holy Ghost. And speak to that Holy Spirit and say to Him:

“Holy Spirit, soul of my soul, I adore Thee. Enlighten me, guide me, strengthen and comfort me. Tell me what I ought to do and order me to do it. I promise to submit to anything that Thou requirest from me, and to accept everything that Thou allowest to happen to me. Just show me what Thy will is.”

If you do this your life will be quiet and peaceful, and comfort will abound even in the middle of troubles. For grace will be given to match any stress together with strength to bear it, grace that will take you to the gates of Paradise, full of merit. Such submission to the Holy Spirit is the secret of holiness."

from Fr Jacques Philippe via Finer Feminity

I am trying to sit down daily and transfer all the little scribbles and phone notes I make to myself over here.  

Lent is nearly upon us.  Great Lent has in fact begun for Eastern Christians who keep a very strict fast.  Traditional fasts in the West were historically also much more rigorous than many observe today.  In fact, many of us are much stricter in our weight loss or physical fitness efforts than we are in our spiritual exercises. St John Chrysostom challenges us to take good advantage of these weeks given to us to strengthen both areas and see fasting – both physical and spiritual – as a the opportunity it truly is to gird ourselves up and start anew: 

"Fasting is the change of every part of our life….

because the sacrifice of the fast is not the abstinence but the distancing from sins. Therefore, whoever limits the fast to the deprivation of food, he is the one who, in reality, abhors and ridicules the fast. Are you fasting? Show me your fast with your works. Which works? If you see someone who is poor, show him mercy. If you see an enemy, reconcile with him. If you see a friend who is becoming successful, do not be jealous of him! If you see a beautiful woman on the street, pass her by.

In other words, not only should the mouth fast, but the eyes and the legs and the arms and all the other parts of the body should fast as well. Let the hands fast, remaining clean from stealing and greediness. Let the legs fast, avoiding roads which lead to sinful sights. Let the eyes fast by not fixing themselves on beautiful faces and by not observing the beauty of others. You are not eating meat, are you? You should not eat debauchery with your eyes as well. Let your hearing also fast. The fast of hearing is not to accept bad talk against others and sly defamations. Let the mouth fast from disgraceful and abusive words, because, what gain is there when, on the one hand we avoid eating chicken and fish and, on the other, we chew-up and consume our brothers?

For there exist, there really exist, ways which are even more important than abstinence from food which can open the gates which lead to God with boldness. He, therefore, who eats and cannot fast, let him display richer almsgiving, let him pray more, let him have a more intense desire to hear divine words. In this, our somatic illness is not a hindrance. Let him become reconciled with his enemies; let him distance from his soul every resentment."  - St John Chrystostom

It is a huge spiritual reset button.  Such a gift!  No matter how you keep lent remember it is a very private matter between you and God. (Matthew 6:1) This essay about the counsel of St Philip Neri urges us to follow Gandalf's advice in Lord of the Rings to "keep it secret, keep it safe" so we don't lose the merit, or value, of our practices by exposing them to the eyes of the world.  

May your lent be fruitful and peaceful.  

Outside: The sun is setting over a snowy hillside. That's right.  While Instagram is showing me the beginnings of spring from my coastal friends, we just got another six inches or so of snow.  In fact, we just took advantage of some end of season good luck and bought a snowblower.  Our sons are beside themselves with relief.  

Wearing: a navy linen tunic dress with black leggings and boots.  Variations of this theme are pretty common right now.  

Around the house: deep cleaning happening.  Now that we have had a few days in a row at home I have been tackling some long put off chores like pulling out the fridge and wiping down the light fixtures.  

Reading:  I read The Great Divorce on the road trip.  It was a fast read and gave me lots to mull over.  I hesitate to recommend without Lewis' own disclaimer:

"I beg readers to remember this is a fantasy. It has of course – or I intended it to have – a moral.  But the transmittal conditions are solely and imaginative supposal: they are not even a guess or a speculation at what may actually await us. The last thing I wish to arouse is factual curiosity about the details of the afterworld."

I agree wholeheartedly.  Whatever awaits is bigger and wider and deeper than we will ever be able to picture literally.  I read the story thinking his hell or purgatory is actually more akin to our daily decisions here in life. THAT part of the story is not meant to be considered literally.  It is the character discussion, the life choices that he means for us to consider well.  With that said the analogies are convicting, especially this one about grumbling:

"Understand me.  The question is whether she is a grumbler or only a grumble?

But how can there be a grumble without a grumbler?

It begins with a grumbling mood,  and yourself still distinct from it: perhaps criticizing it. and yourself in a dark hour, may will that mood, may embrace it. Ye can repent and come out of it again. But there may come a day when you do that no longer. Then there will be no you left to criticize the mood, not even to enjoy it, just the grumble itself going on forever like a machine…."

While my total number of classic novels read is still short of my target I am encouraged by this article. 

"Here’s how much time a single American spends on social media and TV in a year: 608 hours on social media and 1642 hours on TV. That’s 2250 hours a year spent on TRASH. If those hours were spent reading instead, you could be reading over 1,000 books a year!"

Now I don't think I read as many pages per minute as the author estimates but I would be happy reading even 20 books a year.  A good deal of my reading time I don't "count" right now because it is nonfiction/instructional content but it's still happening.  

Listening to: my children, my husband, the quiet, the pages turning.  I began something of a social media fast early this year, mainly Facebook which requires closer monitoring and feedback and is more and more given to debate and disagreement.  

Years ago when Managers of Their Homes (MOTH) was a popular topic of discussion I recall an article where a woman showed her hourly spread for the week.  She was contemplating committing to a new project and put her head together with her husband who said very practically, "Which of these squares can you take off the chart each week?"  Those old enough to remember know that MOTH recommended an hourly grid you could fill with removeable post it notes that were labelled with your commitments like appointments or classes or housework or meetings etc.  While some balk at the regularity of it all it IS a good tool to lay out your days and check to see if you are trying to cram more activities into your day than there are free hours to do them.  

That happens.  

It was happening here.  

I have some personal creative projects I wanted to commit to and we had a wedding, a First Holy Communion to prepare for, a mentorship to complete, and family travel.  Then we got a large scale basement remodel added to that. Something needed to go because my thoughts were scattered a dozen different directions.  Pulling back helped me find more hours.  More quiet.  Sometimes it feel too quiet and the lost conversation is felt keenly. It was a good decision for right now though.  

Towards wellness: We joined a local athetic club and are having a marvelous time together there.  My air hockey skills are awesome just so you know.  I rock the game room.  The other rooms, not so much but we are improving.  We are doing a Whole30 during lent though modified to accomodate the tradtional fasting and abstinence.  Feels good.  

Creating: new projects in the works.  If you are over on IG or the Facebook biz page there will be updating happening there. Basically I am rambling and thinking out loud over here and sharing artsy images over there.  

“The power of finding beauty in the humblest things makes home happy and life lovely.”

Louisa May Alcott

“It's sad if people think that's (homemaking) a dull existance, [but] you can't just buy an apartment and furnish it and walk away. It's the flowers you choose, the music you play, the smile you have waiting. I want it to be gay and cheerful, a haven in this troubled world. I don't want my husband and children to come home and find a rattled woman. Our era is already rattled enough, isn't it?” 

– Audrey Hepburn