“Believe me, life can be much simpler. And you'll discover an energy for the things in life that really matter.”
―Emilie Barnes
Category Archives: Big Thoughts
of moose and marigolds
The timing could not have been more perfect. We had been sitting out back last week talking about our zoning and our place and the plans I once had for my life, how they overlap and where they depart from how life actually played out. We talked about the possibility of doing more urban homesteading. As we talked about this I occasionally glanced down at the withering marigold seedling that had been fighting a losing battle in the shiny blue pot that sat between us.
There are goats at the farm way down below us. Their bleating can be heard in the early morning and late evenings. The rooster's crow echoes up the mountainside before dawn. (4:50am thankyouverymuch) It reminds me of the different farms we have lived on and that agrarian spirit in me stirs and thinks, "We could put up a small coop. We could build some grow boxes. Get bee hives. We could…."
We could.
This morning I was grinding the coffee beans when I caught something moving outside in the corner of my eye. Sure enough, first moose sighting of the year. We stood face to face for just a moment before it wandered off to hang out near our neighbors' flagpole.
We could homestead some again - plant things, milk animals. Moose won't be passing through if we fence ourselves in up here though. And those plants and livestock wouldn't tend themselves while we tagged along on business trips or sat at ballgames or cared for sick relatives and friends or planned weddings or remodeled basements or go to swimming lessons – all things that currently take up the better part of my waking hours. The plants I am in charge of often go the way of the marigold. Often. Very often. The little animals might not fare much better living here on the cusp of mountain and city where hawks circle overhead and deer nibble at the trees and shrubs.
Reality. I come to it reluctantly very often, often only after much wrestling. I know this and know it well: you can have it all (ok, not really 'all' though you can have many different experiences in life) just not at the same time.
God knew better than I where we would thrive and what place fit the life He was planning and the things He would be asking of us. This visit reminds me it is still wild and so very beautiful.
invested
"The plays of natural lively children are the infancy of art. Children live in a world of imagination and feeling. They invest the most insignificant object with any form they please, and see in it whatever they wish to see."
– Adam Gottlob Oehlenschläger
beautiful ordinary – morning
"What I am doing is wrestling with my own sin that lures me into thinking that if my work and daily life isn’t considered amazing, or isn’t recognized, then it isn’t important.
And so I’m learning to practice the beauty of ordinariness through things like patiently brushing my daughter’s hair, thoughtfully completing a year-end report that no one may read, responding to emails that may not necessitate a response, holding a sick child, weeding my garden, listening – really listening – to a colleague, and working through spelling words with my first grader.
These are ordinary things that I feel a deep sense of calling to, a calling that necessitates faithfulness to each and every one of them…" more here
These words resonated with me. Maybe it's human nature. Maybe as my dear friend says it is the on-stage aspect of our lives today. Maybe it's just the age-old message driven into our heads that only things with invoices and price tags are of high caliber, products and services that can be marketed and rated. However it happens, the temptation is to think the hidden, daily, private things are somehow of less value. You know the whole if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there and all.
There are people here though. They compose a small, but significant, audience and even when they are scattered here and there an audience of one good God remains behind, noticing the care put into every chore and project, no matter how mundane.
The older I get the greater the peace there is in hidden work and unrecorded exchanges. Ordinary, but beautiful.
in exchange
It was during a lesson about dividing fractions that I noticed something peeking out from under his cuff. He sheepishly rolled his sleeve up and a silly grin spread across his face.
And mine.
“What it's like to be a parent: It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do but in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love.”
If
If growing up means
It would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree,
I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up
Not me!
– Peter Pan
from grass stained sleeves
“Passion is lifted from the earth itself by the muddy hands of the young; it travels along grass-stained sleeves to the heart."
After a long day in the car but before unpacking the suitcases their Dad suggested we go outside and walk as far as we could before sunset. He and Brendan slowed down to throw the football back and forth. Abbie skipped over to a patch of dandelions, grabbing as many as she could.
By the time we got back to our hotel room all the cobwebs were blown out along with those seed heads. Everyone was finally ready to curl up under the blankets for the night.
And I am finally working through the Last Child in the Woods, thinking of all the places to explore this summer. There are going to be lots of evenings like this, God willing.
A Place of Refuge
A welcoming home is a place of refuge, a place where people worn down by the noise and turmoil and hostility of the outside world can find a safe resting place. A welcoming home is a place that you and others enjoy coming home to.
If you live in a house with small children you may already be shaking your head. "What do you mean, 'noise and turmoil of the outside world?' I have to leave home to get away from noise and turmoil!"
But even in the rough and tumble of family living, home can be a safe haven and even a place of quiet (at least some of the time). And especially if noise and activity crowd your life making the extra effort to create a sense of refuge in the midst of it can pay off wonderful dividends.
Besides, a refuge is not a hole where you disappear to eat and sleep and then emerge to go about the business of life. A welcoming home is where real life happens. It's where personalities are nurtured, where growth is stimulated, where people feel free not only to be themselves but to develop their best selves. That caring, nurturing quality – not the absence of noise or strife – is what makes a home a refuge.
Emilie's words have guided my vision of home for 30 years and helped me to understand that this refuge could be created in a cinder block, multi-family, government unit just as well as in a Georgian farmhouse. It was more about your purpose for your house than the house itself – how it was used, why you were there, and how you emerged from it, for better or worse.
Regardless of where you spend your days, we all go "home" eventually. It is worth the effort to consider what steps we can take to make it a place we long to return to, a true refueling station, a place from which we can launch our best and strongest selves, and a place where we can return to and integrate all those fascinating experiences we have other places.
* photograph from a welcoming old home turned inn where we stayed last month
Pax
The motto was "Pax" but the word was set in a circle of thorns.
Pax: Peace, but what a strange peace, made of unremitting toil and effort – seldom with a seen result: subject to constant interruptions, unexpected demands, short sleep at nights, little comfort, sometimes scarce food: beset with disappointments and usually misunderstood,
yet peace all the same, undeviating, filled with joy and gratitude and love.
"It is My own peace I give you." Not, notice, the world's peace.
These opening lines in Rumor Godden's classic relate to cloistered nuns…or do they?
What a strange peace it is indeed, yes? But so very true.
May Daybook
Maybe we call it a May-book?
Outside: Sunny and 50's. We have had a lot of stormy weather recently. We watched our big aspen lurching into the open part of the yard as a couple roots snapped right in half. It will need to come down now, google tells us, but it is hard to believe it while it's still so green. We then lost power for 8hrs the other day when a power line pole was struck and caught fire. The little ravine our gutters empty into completely filled up after this last storm. Neighbor said it was the first time in 20 years he had ever seen that.
So yeah. Crazy weather but beautiful blue skies once again. They always come back if you ride it out.
Wearing: You're probably like, who cares right? Fwiw, it's some coral ankle length cotton pants, white tee, and a denim jacket for appointments today. Fun look back at fashion by the year here.
Reading: fiction. New fiction at that. This, friends, surprises me. More Chris Bohjalian which quite honestly freaked me the heck out. I grabbed it on the way out of the library and then was taken aback at the opening graphic depictions. NOT g rated. Be clear on that point. This is more a review than a recommendation. I admit though the writing was skillful and one could never, ever be lukewarm about human trafficking after reading. Am choosing a different genre for the next read though, since that is the next best thing to mind bleach.
Tess is all Nancy Drew these days. Steadily working her way across the shelf of the library.
Fitness: Spring training for mom happening now. It's been a good month. Slow but steady progress. This is my last year of the first half century of my life. God willing I will be entering the second half strong. Today was a good day starting this way. Yesterday I was so tired and frustrated with some new resistance exercises I overshot and ended up collapsing on the carpet. There may have been some tears involved. I just got up today and hit it again. Persistance wins right?
In the kitchen: there is an Instapot pressure cooker on the way! Sending up a prayer it is the answer to my weekday dinner time crunch. Are you in on this latest and greatest gadget? Friends have added me to Facebook groups and this promises to revolutionize meal prep. Paleo Instapot recipes here 5 jillion instapot pins here.
From the learning room: Finishing the last few books for several students. Lighting a (motivational) fire under one other…. The boys have been busy with extracurricular sports. We are enjoying exploring some old shows on youtube like Liberty Kids, Wishbone, Bill Nye and even Cover to Cover (yes, I am that old) which follows my best motto of "Speak slow, Speak low." And if you are also a midcentury mom you might remember Write On and probably also saw that one played on a filmstrip…
In other news: Moira has saved up for and purchased her first car. Her brother has been driving me around prepping for his license. I am awed at the passage of time this represents. Not sad at the speed of it, nor particularly anxious for it to hurry up. It's rolling along as it should.
Around the house: I picked up this set of embroidered linens from the antique sale. There had been another similar set at the flea market in Germany which left me with serious reverse buyer's remorse when I left them there. Now they are here. My young German friend tells me they say:
What mother bestowed upon me once
shall be smoothly and prettily ordered,
I treasure/hold it up it in this closet,
like once my mother did.
In community: Such a time we have had. A dear older lady we know had a massive stroke. We helped get her home for hospice and were blessed to help in the small ways we could until her death the other day. It has been so good to have something purposeful to be a part of.
We meantime are awaiting confirmation of what looks to be a grave diagnosis for my mother. The past weeks have been chock full of discussions and decisions, texts and calls. Some of those have been middle of the night which probably explains the being flattened on the carpet part above.
How do you navigate times like these? St. Therese is a good model:
"If I did not simply live from one moment to another, it would be impossible for me to be patient, but I look only at the present, I forget the past, and I take good care not to forestall the future. When we yield to discouragement or despair it is usually because we think too much about the past and the future. But, pray much for me."
yes, please : )
Starry Sky Journal 