I have the best friends in the world. I am pretty certain of that. Rebecca, these photos are long overdue but I wanted to show how adorable Tess looks as a strawberry baby now that we finally are getting them transferred to
the new machine. Thank you for your gift – both the handcraft and the friendship. : )

One of my favorite reads in recent weeks has been a reread of Scott Savage’s A Plain Life. It was published in 2000 so it couldn’t have been just all that long since I read it the first time but there was a lot to chew on. Scott and his wife Mary Ann walked away from an yuppie urban existence to embrace a Quaker lifestyle as a result of their “pursuit of a more meaningful life together and the spiritual gifts… uncovered along the way.” He tells the story of their journey in the context of his physical journey, by foot, from their small town in Ohio to the DMV in Columbus where he deposited his driver’s license. His reasons for doing so, particularly since the day he arrived was the day the license was due to expire anyway were personal rather than practical and articulated as he walked.

The first read for me was a bit of vicarious thrill. Here was a family thumbing their noses at public perception of progress to seek a simpler, saner life of less power (both physical and social) and more connectedness. The second go ’round reveals a broader message, even for a woman like myself who spends a fair amount of time in a 15 passenger van. He poses thoughtful questions about relationships, authenticity, and offers nonjudgemental reflections on the range of personal responses to such challenges.

The writing easily moves between humor and concern. Introspection mixes with the reality of negotiating a horse and buggy in a zoom-zoom world. I could have written his description of themselves at the journey’s beginning:

MaryAnn and I had always shared a great unhappiness with modern American culture. We couldn’t find a comfortable place for ourselves amid the shallowness and cynicism masquerading as coolness and irony many of our 20-something peers bought into. We also didn’t like the sheer ugliness of modern life. We both valued old: old houses, old forests, old neighborhoods, old people. The more close we got to old the better we could compare it to the new. And something about the new, in the most pervasive way, didn’t feel right.

Nope it doesn’t. Though of course, ultimately our response to that pervasive problem of ugliness in all its literal and figurative incarnations will be as unique as each of us is.

That is the sound of a happy woman. : ) We are the new owners of a Mac and couldn’t be happier so far. After umpteen years of battling with pc’s this is blessed relief. I wish we had taken the plunge sooner.

This lent, like most of our lents, has been full of unexpected challenges and redirection. The children and Allen are plugging along with their meatless season. I had to return to the diet my Dr prescribed for me. Guess he knew what he was doing. I have an uncommon form of arthritis that responds to little else but a no-starch diet. Long story. Its related to a starch loving bacteria which is molecularly similar to the genetic blood marker for the disease. Odd. Apparently vegetarianism is not for everyone at any rate. Spent a week not movin’ well. : / All is much better now and we are getting back to normal. Whatever that is.

Allen’s grandfather passed away and he is planning to attend the memorial service. A blessing for the man but nevertheless sad for those left behind. We are hitting the point in life where mortality is impossible to avoid. Our day will come and if the speed with which recent years have passed is any indication it will likely surprise us. I remember reading once that most likely one of us (in a marriage) will eventually be burying the other. It is a sobering reality. Makes you look at each day a little differently. (go send your husband a love letter!)

The children have been making good progress in school. They are loving the Story of the World Volume II and seem to be retaining the stories remarkably well. They have made lovely notebook pages and narrations which I will upload as soon as I can figure out the new printer/scanner. Not millions of them, but some very nice work. I am very pleased with the care they have taken. We also picked up some Spectrum workbooks for one of them and I am as happy with those now as I have been in the past. Cheap, effective, user friendly. The writing series seems to have exercises very similar to those we have seen in Calvert School’s curriculum. They have been a good addition to our program, leading the writer from elementary categorizing exercises to graphic organizers to topic sentences etc rather painlessly.

I haven’t been online much but that has been alright too. There has been lots of time to read, both with the children and on my own. I realized that had fallen by the wayside – relaxed, kicked back reading replaced by snatches of online articles. This has provided a good balance. I hope to share some bits and pieces of that in coming days. Balance is a good thing.

M is nearly ready to publish. Expect that Funschool entry this week.

What else? Lots more and nothing more I suppose – the minutia that makes up our lives and commands our attention from day to day. Daily chores interspersed with the occasional major speedbump. Waking up with resolve and vision, falling into a well-earned sleep at day’s end. Hopefully the new machines and continued organizing and decluttering will translate into more crafting soon. That is one weak link here. It has been a very hands off many months art-wise and it is taking a toll on my morale. It is definitely time to make something. Meantime I can honestly say we have had many restful moments together tucked in between the rest of it all and cherish them more than I can say. I hope the same is true for you. : )

Ok off to start the day and will try to share more before long. God bless.

Kieran celebrated his birthday tonight.  6 years old. He spent much of the evening competing with his father and brothers to see who had the best shot with the new Nerf suction bullet gun. It was loud. It was messy. It was very Kieran. : )

Kieran has been a lot of fun. Never a dull moment with this boy.  Right from the beginning he was an intense little man. His birth rivals Brendan’s for Most Eventful. He was due on Valentine’s Day which was pretty cool but I didn’t think I would go that long. Still, when I woke up with a massive contraction at 1am on the 7th I didn’t think it would amount to much. I didn’t think much of the next one either.  After the next 3 or 4 it seemed like some raspberry tea was in order.  It takes a reeeeeeeeeeaally long time to make tea when you are contracting. You get the pot out and then breathe.  You fill the pot and then breathe. You look for the tea box and then breathe. Before you know it, it can be like 2am and then some.

After an hour of strong contractions I asked Allen to get up and sit with me.  He got to work filling our tub so I could try to relax and see if this was the real deal. I still smile when I remember this part of the story.  We lived on base and our government issue tub had an overflow drain about 5 inches from the bottom of the tub. He rigged up a ziplock bag and duct tape plug for the overflow drain and I finally settled in to soak.  Allen decided it was probably a good idea to pack the hospital bag.  Just in case.  Word of caution – don’t let your husband pack your hospital bag. ; )  It did keep him busy while I breathed though and for that he was grateful. <g>

That soak in the tub lasted about ten minutes. Then my water broke. That was a bad thing. I am notorious for giving birth almost immediately after my water breaks. That explains the stricken look he had upon learning this news. His only words: Please get dressed!

It takes a reeeeeeeeeeally long time to get dressed when you are contracting. You get one arm in and then you breathe.  You get another arm in then you breathe. You wonder if your clothes were always so hard to get into. Allen announced brightly that the car was warmed up and ready to go.  He looked hopeful at that point. I waddled out to the driveway, actually attempted to sit in the car. He was mentally high fiving himself and then I lurched back up.  Nope. Can’t sit. What?  Can’t sit???  How about we take the Suburban?  Its bigger and the seats are more comfortable.  Fine.

Allen backed the car out. Got the Suburban fired up and came around to help me. I made a heroic effort to bend but it just was not going to happen. I told him straight – I cannot get into the vehicle. What??  PLEASE get in the car!  More pleading followed.  Then defeat. So, like, what now????  Should he call the ambulance?  That really didn’t seem like a good idea. The only thing worse than bending right then was the prospect of bouncing along on my back on a gurney all the way to the hospital.  Agh. In that fog that is labor consciousness I assured him I was just going to go back into the house and check things out.  The man has birthed a lot of babies with me. He pretty much assessed the situation himself at that point and called the ambulance.

If you ever watched Rescue 911 you might expect the operator to whip out her handy dandy spiral bound flip book with scripted how-to-have-a-baby directions and begin to calmly explain exactly what should happen when your wife calls from the bedroom that the reason she couldn’t bend was because the baby’s head was crowning. You would be mistaken however.  You might even be put ON HOLD. I kid you not. The fire station was ON OUR CORNER. But they put the man on hold and transferred him to another unit.  He didn’t wait around for that. He threw the phone to Colin who was in charge and got back to the bedroom in time to catch the rest of the baby. It was 3am.  I kid you not again.

Colin must have given them directions because about 15 minutes later they arrived looking about as stunned as we were and even more clueless. Probably at lot more clueless since most of them had never actually seen a baby born. They were very nice however and let us show the baby to the children and rest for a bit before packing us off to the hospital.

The paper came by later that week and took pictures. Our five minutes of fame. <g> Some time later we were shopping on base and a lady recognized us and asked if he was the baby delivered by his Daddy.  Indeed. Who knows what is in store for a boy who starts out like that. Great things I am sure.

When I listed our daily musts and extras I should have clarified that these reflect our family’s priorities.  As a rule, in-home work takes precedence over off-site activities. However, if your children attend school someplace else then that outing and its requirements are a high priority for your family. If you are like Elizabeth, whose husband’s livelihood and recreation is focused around the sports world, then your MITs may include a heavy, but important, sport team schedule.

It is crucial that your understanding of what is most important mirrors your husband’s. I will be candid. My priorities did not reflect my husband’s for many years of our marriage. This caused untold and unnecessary strife in our lives. It took me stepping back and realizing that God gave me THIS man with THIS vision. It was not my concern how other people’s schedules or homes looked. What mattered was how ours worked, which required us to be of one mind.  Success – maritally and otherwise – lies here.

"Better do a little well, than a great deal badly." -Socrates

I noticed the  Large Family Logistics site has been closed pending the publication of a new book. While I don’t begrudge her that option, it does leave a void. Since I have linked to her system in the past I wanted to provide some new links and thoughts as I revisit my Home Mgt Binder and flesh out our routine.

Good news is, its still in place and I haven’t actually changed much.  Bad news is, kids are pretty, well, childish for lack of a better word.  Being works in progress means every day you get up and remind them again how things are done. The challenge is to do this cheerfully, as though you hadn’t done the very same thing yesterday…..

Judging by the comment load I would guess there is strong sentiment for the idea that we can’t do it all. So then, how do we do what we must?  Before that, how do we determine what we ought to be doing?   A bare basics list would tell us that we must clean, we must educate (onsite or off), we must eat, we must be a loving helpmeet to our husbands. Those are the must do’s.  When those are done well we can add ‘nice to do’s’ like lessons, meetings, hobbies, outside commitments.

To hit those basics we have divided our house into sections and try to tackle a section each day of the week. LFL called those Focus Rooms or Focus Days. Simply put, we assign part of the house to each day and then try to devote like half an hr to whipping through it – vacuum, dust, wipe, declutter.  If you do this daily your house won’t get away from you ideally.  (please read words like "ideally" carefully ; ))  My focus day lists detail what has to happen in our house to make a room ‘clean’. Don’t assume children will know what ‘clean’ means without such a list. A detailed list keeps everyone nice. Or much nicer than returning to the room with increasing frustration to announce again that no, it isn’t done. You will have to tweak the lists to include things that are in your rooms. They are in word documents so you can do that.  (For personal use, please do not redistribute)

Ok, with that basic framework for the week you then break down the individual day.  Best advice there – ALWAYS get up before the children.  Whatever else happens do not wait until you hear Cheerios hitting bowls or Barney on the tv. The day is already in trouble at that point. Try to get out of bed ahead of your crew and purpose your day. I love Leo Baubata’s site and plan to hash out here in the coming days what I have been reading there. On this page he discusses establishing your MITs – your Most Important Tasks – for the day. He advises you to list no more than 3 major things that must be tackled in a day. You can ‘batch’ little jobs into a half hr slot at some point. An example, yesterday our MIT was getting Colin to the wheelchair fitting. That meant printing mapquest directions, packing the van and baby bag, dinner prep so it would be ready when we returned, and gathering insurance info. 

Begin with the end in mind, to borrow a Covey slogan. Actually this was my Grandma’s slogan long before Stephen Covey thought about time management. She sent everyone off for the day then immediately set about dinner prep and table setting since those things had to happen by the end of the day.  With that in mind, what can you do this morning that will ensure that your day ends well?  Can you prep dinner ahead?  If you are married, your MIT includes being relatively coherent and put together when your see your spouse at the day’s end. Can you rest so you are awake when you see your husband next?  Can you arrange for a late afternoon tidying? Can you schedule quiet time for the children right after?  If you have after school activities is your van clean and packed – this morning?  Do you know where the uniforms or music books etc are? Will you return to a relatively tidy house? What will be the next steps when you return home?  Are they set up now or will you be tired and scrambling?   Bottom line – work backwards.

A point for reflection here – if you do the last things first and the must do’s and there is not much time left then you have just had a wake up call about how much a person can really do.  Time to rethink the in-between commitments.  This is exactly what happened to us. By the time we prepped the must do chores, the evening  stuff, and got school done the day was pretty much full. We have not actually gotten to a bunch of ‘nice to do’s’ because they tend to encroach upon the ‘must do’s’.  That is ok. They are not God’s will for us for right now and if they aren’t then they won’t bring us a lot of peace and happiness if we try to squeeze them in anyway. Being rested for my husband and having the evening run smoothly with the children is more important than anything else I can be doing in the afternoons right now.

While I don’t follow a perfect hourly schedule I do recall a story that is always in my mind when I plan. A woman was sharing how she set up her weekly calendar with color coded postit notes. She had a large family and her calendar was full by the time she laid out her tasks, meals etc. When someone called to ask her to volunteer for something or asked her out her husband pointed to the chart and said well, which of these (postits) can you take off?  Clearly that new activity would have to replace something in their week. It was just a matter of what. Now, I don’t recommend being anal about your time but you do have to be realistic. If you days are full then any new commitments are going to have to replace something already there. Keep that in mind before you say yes and be sure you are willing to make that swap.

Ok more later.  Off to practice what I preach. : )   What are your MITs today?

60 seconds to count respirations
4 temperature checks
6 nebulizer treatments
3 calls to make appointments
One missing insurance card
2 hours in the car
3 hours in the urgent care office
20 minutes on oxygen
2 chest xrays
35 minutes waiting for 3 prescriptions

Equals….

2 sick babies, one long day, but a much improved night.

Asthma stinks.

The Herald has Elizabeth Foss’ column about Brendan online here.   Please offer a prayer for all families who are separated when you read it.  Thank you again E. Was the baby who had the world praying for him. : )

Brendan the Be-Bop boy is three today. I would show you a picture of his three year old self but I can’t figure out the new camera cord so will wait for Allen on that.  Please be sure to go send a birthday wish to his birthday Buddy, Elizabeth, who stood by us all those months leading up to his birth while his Daddy was in the desert.

Have I told you this story?   Probably but I don’t see it on here. Whooey. What a night. What a year that was. Allen had decided to retire from the Air Force.  He thought a baby would be a good way to celebrate lol! We are funny that way.  I remember getting that positive pg test.  I remember standing in that same bedroom two days later when the call came.  He was being deployed. I didn’t cry then. I did lose my vision temporarily.  Freak migraine. Silent blind terror.

Grace covered us those months. Everything that could go wrong seemed to but friends showered us with help. I spent the second half of the pregnancy on partial bedrest as this baby grew faster than his dates suggested. When he steadily measured weeks ahead of his due date I gave up on Allen being there for the birth.  Then he didn’t come and didn’t come. Finally Allen left Iraq and flew to Baltimore. The last leg of the journey home. My gosh, he was gonna make it. I fell into bed in awed relief. It lasted about 15 minutes.  Then my water broke.  Dang.

After the initial panic wore off I called Allen back. Well, after I called the midwife and my labor partner. He had a fully charged calling card and managed to stay on the line for the next three hours til that baby appeared. Gotta wonder what that sounded like on his end. ; ) We wrestled that baby out. He remained neither posterior nor anterior but rather sideways. Ow ow ow.  So much for babies eventually just falling out! 

When all the excitement died down and the midwives went home I laid in bed staring at this little person sleeping. In all that post-labor adrenaline rush I couldn’t sleep and ended up just waiting until Allen walked in the door. It wasn’t the way we planned it.  Few things ever are!  But it was all good in the end. It always is. : ) 

Happy 3, sweet boy!  What would our lives be without you? 

And happy 39-again E!  Call me when that package arrives!

A real life friend of mine was asking more about our first son’s birth and how that played out – being young, a continent from home, and in a medical crisis.  Our chat evolved into a larger discussion about joy in general and how one accounts for it.  She asked to share my letter so I am going to share it here fwiw since this topic has come up a few times in private email:

> No there are no easy answers.  I have thought a lot about why we
responded
> the way we did. Part is just really good fortune. I have always
been doggedly
> optimistic.  Also more than a bit stubborn. All it takes
is someone saying
> ‘you cant" to trigger my ‘oh yes we can!’ response. 
Part is that joy is a
> gift of the spirit and I can’t take personal
responsibility for that gift.
>
> That said, I do think Joy is also
something we can cultivate. No matter how
> awful things are there are
always many more awful things that are not
> happening. We have to focus
on the rose and not the thorns because in truth
> the one is always
accompanied by the other.
>
> I am not an old woman but the longer
you live the more awful things happen
> both to you and to those around
you. As time goes on I have become acutely
> aware of what suffering is.
Every moment we have been given protection and
> reprieve is treasured in
my heart because gosh life is hard and short.  When
> you face that
reality you have to choose whether you will let that overwhelm
> you or
whether you will survive – and thrive. That is where that dogged
>
determination comes in. I am determined to thrive and to make the most
of
> the roses. I can’t control the thorns. I CAN maximize the garden and
make it
> as beautiful as possible.  Its my little attempt to thwart Satan
who would
> like to see us despair.
>
> Sometimes it takes a
very conscious effort to look for things to
> appreciate – the sun coming
through the window, the smell of bread baking,
> the soapy clean hair on
newly bathed babies.  Once you make a habit of
> seeking out those little
wonders like that, always always thinking of how
> much worse you could
be, it starts to come more naturally.  In our family
> there is never a
shortage of opportunity to practice. : /  Just this morning
> our(second)
brand new trampoline was victim of a freak wind storm.  $400 GONE.  It
> was
hard to swallow.  My dh and I saw thorns.  Lots of them.  When the initial
>
shock wore off we stopped and talked a minute.  I said well, for all we
know
> someone may have been going to have a terrible accident on there
today and
> God swept in and intercepted that disaster.
>
> I
guess my other thing is that depression runs in my family. I have been
>
blessed to avoid it but its been ever present in my relatives. They can be extremely
< negative and it wore on me. I have vowed to try to avoid that
rut
> to the extent that I can. Now that doesn’t mean the Pollyanna in me
always
> wins. I cry easily and often. Some horrific things have happened
to me. The
> baby’s health wasn’t one of them if that gives any indication
of how serious
> I am.  But what are you to do?  I just won’t let it
defeat me. Thank you God
> we aren’t on the streets of Iraq or Darfur. We
have warm rooms, good food
> and the opportunity to try harder again every
day. We have our knowledge of
> God. We will never suffer as He did.  We
are ok. We have to ride the waves
> with our eyes on the shore
ahead.
>
> One thing that has helped me beyond measure has been
surrounding myself with
> uplifting stories.  For me that is the story of
the saints who to a number
> have had to overcome horrible suffering.
Scripture is full of suffering
> people who still found joy. It is a
mystery in my opinion.  That whole
> concept of ’embracing’ the cross has
always been a mystery to me. Slowly
> slowly God is helping me.  I have
had to ask HIm to please help me
> understand HOW in the world to actually
embrace my crosses when my gut level
> response is to dodge them wherever
possible. Maybe someday I will actually
> ‘get’ it. I am an admittedly
slow student.  God has given me lots of chances
> to learn this lesson
though. Bottom line though – I try to remember to just
> ask Him when I
can’t find silver lining. "What is the good You are bringing
> from this
situation?  What am I supposed to learn? Help me to suffer
> patiently as
You did." It works. Sometimes better than others ; )