Will this be us someday?  Elena has a wonderful tribute to the grand piano that has been in her family since she was a child. It now graces her living room, beginning a new life with her children. 

Here is Jen’s piano story as well. It is so wonderful to read about what a lasting impact the gift of music can have on a family.

Sherry commented on this blog and I ventured back to hers to find a treasure trove!  She has been blessed with 13 children and a boatload of insight. This post about Backwards Living ties in very well with the Fuller Farms links from this past week.  Look around.  Lots to chew on here!  Happy Sunday you all!

It has been a full week for us. We have been gone more than home which is not our norm and I for one am feeling it. Monday Allen packed us all up and took us for a picnic in the mountains. It was a nice surprise.  The children had a blast around the water. They found some eggs of some sort (fish, frog?) at the edge. The big find for the day was a columbine flower. (pic taken before the discussion about not picking wildflowers….)  We had just made a notebook page about them since they are the state flower although we hadn’t actually seen any until now.

Wednesday we had our piano lessons and errands and yesterday we had my midwife appt. I can make a 95% announcement that this baby is a…….

GIRL!   Ok but with the disclaimer that I am still 5% unconvinced lol! After six boys you get skeptical when you hear news like this. <g> Tell you what though, we got a long look at her(his?) face with the tiny little mouth just sucking and swallowing away. THAT was priceless. Baby is measuring right on target for dates so I think we are looking at pretty close to Christmas for delivery.

After the appt we drove up to Denver to shop for pianos. Ours has been played into the ground and with so many pianists in the family we need to make an investment in a higher quality instrument. Investment is apparently the operative word there. Ouch! That and ugly. Gone are the days when a piano was graced with lovely woodwork and carving. : p  I will really miss our old upright. Looks like we are going with black for a new one, since that seems to be the most attractive option.  I now need to rethink the living room plan I thought I had worked out last week.

What else – scrapbooking and vet care but I will give those their own posts. Guess we ought to try to do something academic here today, though I have to hope that all these outings contributed something to their storehouse of knowledge. We had a field day in the mountains, learned more about pianos than you ever wanted to know, got a first hand look at fetal development, and now can regal you with equine dentistry info. Not to mention seat work in the car. That counts right??  Hope you all had a great week!

Here we grow again! Just passed the 24 week point so we are 2/3 of the way there. I am starting to contract now, which is par for the course for me unfortunately. All is well otherwise!

  Before I share this story I must add the disclaimer that I sat on it for some days hoping to do it justice. I fear I haven’t been able to tie the miscellaneous experiences together as coherantly as well as they fell together in my head.  I decided to forego compositional perfection and just write.  My excuse for random thoughts is that the number of children now officially exceeds the number of hours I sleep at night lol! 

  I recently came across an old friend in the thrift store. Not the flesh and blood type, but rather the kind you find between the covers of a well-loved book. I had first stumbled across this book, Plain and Simple, when we were relatively new parents. Our first two boys were itty bitty and we lived in tight government quarters. All the while I was yearning to be elsewhere. When I saw the Amish quilt on the cover I grabbed it. I was hungry for any snippet of simple rural living. I realize now I missed a good portion of the author’s message and instead of taking her intent to heart, it just fed my discontent. This would plague us for years to come. Ironically, now that we do live rurally the book has resurfaced in my life and its message is very clear. It was never about where you were, it was about where your heart was. 

   Sue Bender was an artist, a counselor, a wife and mother, suffering from another kind of discontent – a restless search for purpose – when she saw her first Amish quilt in a dept. store display. She found its disciplined geometrics and color scheme haunting. The urge to learn more about the women who created such puzzling beauty finally propelled her to take a trip through Lancaster County. Discouraged by the tourism she drove further on to Amish settlements in the Midwest. There she met the people who would come to shape her future. 

   She contracted two women to make her some faceless Amish dolls. This led to several other women’s contributions and many letters exchanged. The dolls and the quilts began to symbolize for her the difference between their lives and hers.  Eventually her drive to understand and articulate led to an unlikely invitation to stay with an Amish family for several weeks. This book lays out the discoveries she made, discoveries with unexpected ramifications for city dwellers.

   She expected to come away from her journey telling people to move to the country and lose their appliances and all would be well.  However the message she left with was not where to be, nor what to be doing, but how to look at the ‘where’ and the ‘what’. It was about how to “be” and making peace with our place in life. She found the Amish quilt patterns to be a metaphor, both for their way of life and for the lessons she left there with.

   One of her most important insights was that the Amish seemed not to differentiate between work and play. She writes. “Noone rushed. Each step was done with care.  The women moved through the day unhurried.  There was no rushing to finish so they could get on to the “important things”. For them, it was all important…”  This was a sharp departure from her struggle to get through the monotonous, drudge type work in her life so she could do the really ‘fun’ activities. As a result, she spent her days suspended in a sort of futile desperation, fighting the necessaries and longing for the payback.

   An insightful artist friend explained to her that, “If accomplishing is the only goal, all that is takes to reach that goal is too slow, too fatiguing- an obstacle to what you want to achieve.”  Pg 85  This was all too true. He also pointed out that the source of the discontent was not the necessary work itself but the struggle against it, “Argue your limitations and they are yours.”

  They were certainly mine for way too many years as I fought long and hard against the limitations of our place in life. I was unhappy with our urban homes and our transient lifestyle. I felt hemmed in by the chores that never seemed to be completed to my satisfaction. This led to resentment towards my husband and though I didn’t admit it then, likely resentment towards God for not making another way. It was such a wasted opportunity because as long as my happiness depended upon our circumstances it would remain fleeting and just out of reach. That discontent would follow us to our rural home and to the incredible workload we found here.

   We had to learn to love the work, to love the limitations that every place and time impose upon us. We had to learn to let go of all the options that were no longer ours because of the choices we had made. Only then could we really thrive.

  Interestingly, Bender found that embracing a characteristically Montessori principle was key to her own happiness, “Having limits, subtracting distractions, making a commitment to do what you do well, brings a new kind of intensity.” Pg 140 She learned that the real message was not the quest for a different life but rather a different view of the life she had, “I found no shortcuts. Satisfaction came from giving up wishing I was doing something else.” Pg 121

   This would be true for us as well. Whether we are homemakers or have careers outside the home, we are tempted to covet.  There is always a more attractive pastime waiting in the wings to call our attention away from the task at hand, making demands upon our peacefulness. Even now I find myself tempted to rush along to the next thing. It was my six year old Aidan, who reminded me of that error the other day, as I urged him not to waste time and to ‘move along’. I can’t even remember now what he was doing because his reply went straight to my heart. He said, “But I am not wasting time, I am spending time.”  Out of the mouths of babes. 

  Bender found that Amish children, like Montessori children, share this outlook, “A child learns from an early age the value of work – that work is enjoyable, important, and should be respected.” She found this attitude is carried with them to adulthood, “The Amish find meaning in work itself.  Work is never a stepping stone to success or advancement but a challenge to do whatever you are doing to the best of your ability.”   Pg 61

   This was not about rushing to get to the good stuff.  It was about making all of life the good stuff by giving it your undivided attention, which is ultimately the only way to truly find satisfaction in your tasks. This wasn’t any easy transition for an adult who had been conditioned to think otherwise. She relates, “I whined, kicked, and screamed, and persisted.  Sticking with something for a long period of time, the day in and day out doing it, the living with it, was teaching me humility and patience I hadn’t known before.”

   This would be our experience as well. We learned we could fight the limitations of this way of life or we could let those limitations teach us contentment, patience, and the true gift of finding joy in all circumstances as St Paul advises us to do.

   Elizabeth Elliot says this about suffering: “–it’s having what you don’t want or wanting what you don’t have.” As long as we continue to fight against those things we lock ourselves into suffering. If we can embrace our circumstances and all the mundane tasks that fill our days as the will of God we can release that suffering and find the joy God intended for us. The “Plain and Simple” message was less about a particular group of people or an antiquated way of life and more about acceptance and making peace. I hope to, someday, embody those principles as well as my six year old already does! 

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body." -Elizabeth Stone

Another child of ours reaches legal adulthood. Zach turned 18 this week. I have discovered that if you look away for just a moment they have a tendency to do that. Here is a snapshot from the birthday dinner. 

…watch him as he goes…."  (Foo Fighters)

The truck turned south and is heading to Arizona with computer hardware, music cds, philosophy books, lots of clothes, and my heart. As I sit here processing that, I just wanted to thank everyone who has supported us this week. It was wrenching as expected, though our family has gotten pretty good at goodbye. Heaven knows we have had a lot of opportunity to practice that over the years.  In fact it was exactly two years ago that I stood pregnant and watched my husband head off to war. The difference this time is that while I am as accustomed as one ever gets to saying goodbye to my husband, I have never said goodbye to one of my babies. I am not sure when you get accustomed to that, but it’s fair to say it won’t be today.

This farewell is also clouded with the knowledge that his little brother turns 18 next week and is chomping at the bit to get out in the world. Part of me feels like there is a neon sign over this date in my calendar saying "Empty Nest Starts Here!"  Still, it’s been a rare blessing to carry new life just as my boys are beginning new lives of their own. God is merciful!

Please say a prayer that the world is gentle with my sons.  And if you have one to spare please add an intention for their mother. Wherever you are, please know your love carries us through.  We appreciate you! 

…..that you have to wait until your first child actually gets in the car to leave for college before you fall apart?  I’m thinking there must be a pregnancy clause if so. True to form I am getting a jumpstart. 12 hrs and counting….  Gotta go get a kleenex.  : (

Some scenes from the ranch:

   We are heading out shortly for a marathon appt. day for Colin. He is trying to hit his specialists before leaving for school next week.  (did I just say next week??) Unfortunately that means today we have a ten AM appt in town and then a 4PM appt in Denver. Say a prayer for the tiny person who is hitchhiking inside of me if you would. Long time to be vertical at this stage of the game for a pg woman!

   We have had so many wonderful people wish us and our new baby well. People know by now we weren’t hoping for a boy or a girl.  We were just hoping for a baby. In trying to convey understanding and concurrence with that hope we often hear, "of course,just so its healthy."  And we do so wish for good health, long life, and all good things for our children. Twenty years of living with Colin has shown us that sometimes less than desirable health can be an unforeseen blessing of the sort we could never have realized in the absence of such challenges.

   I remember years ago listening to a lady talking about her twins who were born quite prematurely. I believe it was in the 24 week range. When she had first learned she was pregnant she and her husband had daydreamed about these two little people and what life would be like with little girls, or little boys, or a mix. Like all expectant parents you naturally picture your life as it is, then picture your life with these hypothetical two and four and 16 year olds superimposed upon it. When the babies threatened to arrive early her thoughts changed to their health.  Just please let them be healthy! Suddenly those daydreams included images of NICU’s and medical intervention. Sadly, one twin did not survive.  The remaining twin was hanging on in intensive care and each week there was another complication. Before long her parents wish was, "Just let her survive."  That was not to be either. They discovered all too brutally that even life itself is not a guarantee. She swore if she was ever so blessed again that the least of their worries would be ten fingers and ten toes.

   And so it goes. You come to a point where you see perfect health as a luxury, one which you would gladly have your child enjoy, but one which you realize is out of reach, to one extent or another, for nearly all of us at some point in life. You gladly trade that luxury for the privilege of simply living with this little person. Nothing else really matters after that.

   I have watched Colin struggle with his body that so rarely does the ‘right thing’.  Sometimes I have laid in bed and wept for him.  Moreover I have wept in shame at my own frustrations, so minor in light of the load he was carrying. And I thanked God for every single moment we have been honored to witness the miracle of his life.

   We do so hope for excellent health of this new baby. Mostly though, we just hope he or she "is". Life is enough.

   I was fortunate enough to "meet" the folks at Woodstone Prairie along this blogging adventure. You won’t want to miss her Thoughts of a Mom essay. If you are not familiar with the reference to it, you may access A Trip to Holland here.  Now go hug your kids y’all!  I am off to to the doctors.

    Ahhh the simple life.  You know the one where you cut out all the complicating clutter, get back to basics, where everything is just plain easier.  Hold it! It’s not quite that.  Or ‘quite not’ as the case may be say Patrick Fannin and Heather Mitchener the authors of Simplify Your Life.  I am a fan of simplicity and have been reading new titles and rereading old ones to help me articulate to myself, if nothing else, what simple is and isn’t. 

In the introduction "Simplify" states quite unequivocally what simple isn’t.  Number one on that list is “easy”. 

   This sometimes comes as a surprise to people who endeavor to simplify their lives.  In our quest for saner living we take any number of steps that feel most right to us such as eating more naturally, homeschooling, making what we need, and doing without. What comes next is often bewildering. We no longer are running to the store for milk and eggs, but instead we are called to the barn twice a day or more to attend to our livestock.  Instead of running children to school and back, we are now creating personalized learning programs and checking math problems daily. Instead of spending our hard-earned cash at the box store we are spending our time sewing, cooking, and so on.  Bottom line, they say- simplicity can be ‘complicated and exhausting’.

The flip side is that the energy expended in simplifying is often more satisfying than the time savers we have been told will enhance our quality of life. It is the process of taking care of ourselves and others that is as important as the care items themselves. 

   This was related in another new book House Thinking.  Author Winifred Gallagher shares studies of polar bears.  Polar bears in the wild spend hours in the repetitious action of hunting for fish in streams. When they are taken out of their habitat and placed in captivity where they are given all the fish they need they don’t relish in their newfound freedom from labor, rather they become despondent.  Moreover, they begin to exhibit the symptoms of starvation.

   This should rightly make us pause.

   We are not meer animals reacting to instinct.  We can reason. We apparently are not completely separate from our natures though and those same impulses towards self-sufficiency seem to be built into us. Perhaps the reason we find the steps necessary to move towards simplicity to be so satisfying is that we intuit that they are filling needs far beyond the physical.

    Simplify Your Life claims to have captured the 50 Best Ways to make life saner. I might argue with that number, but there are some good guidelines given, particularly in the first half of the book. Following the "easy" train of thought, the next great myth they dispel is the need to go purchase more stuff for the paring down process.  That may strike you as ironic but it is true.  Many of us assume that in order to organize we need more stuff – crates, storage systems, new homes, new wardrobes, new careers.  I have been known to fall into that rut, paralyzed with the *stuff* I have collected and the lifestyle we had created and unsure of how to begin the climb out. Buying more stuff makes you feel as though you are making some progress. We are accustomed to initiating change with purchase. A better step, says the book, is to take inventory of your life and your home and determine which parts of same are contributing to your overall happiness and which are dragging you down. Then begin to cull the latter – ruthlessly.  You may eventually be led to make some of those other changes – in location, in vocation – but you will be in a better position to do so at that point.

    We have made the location/vocation changes in recent years. We are still in the decluttering phase and may well be forever. This is likely less of an action and more of a process. It is a filtering of sorts.  We continue to draw things and experiences to ourselves throughout our lives. Then we must discern which of those things and experiences continue to be a blessing and which become a burden. This discernment is making me look deeply at our belongings, our wardrobe, and the upcoming giftgiving season.

   I am by no means the only one thinking about these things. If you want to visit more folks who are articulating this process you can try Amy’s Blog  She has hired a professional organizer to help with the re-ordering of their nearly paid for home vs buying a larger place.  In her post today she references Tackle It Tuesday which is more inspirational than I can say! This article, The Big Cleanup is a great start and the companion blog Living the Organized Life helps present concepts in digesible chunks. A similar blog is Neat Living which is as much about goal setting and reordering life as it is about neatness per se. Consider these more about living life on purpose and beginning the necessary process of viewing our things through new eyes.

   I hope to share more of our journey, and those of the women who are also walking it, as time goes on. I lost a couple links to ladies who had ‘simplifying’ references on their blogs. My simple life gets ‘complicated and exhausting’ at times!  So please do re-send if you have thoughts to add and I promise to try harder to get it posted.  : )  I am indebted to the women who are helping me think through this process!