Like so many families we gathered to watch the debate last night. Like so many families – across the political spectrum – we are full of emotion and thoughts are swirling. What best summed up for me was this commentary:
“….what we saw on TV is exactly what is going on in our country. What they displayed last night was just a publicized, played-out version of what is happening on social media right now; people yelling at each other, talking past each other, cutting each other off…no one able to actually engage in a debate on the issues.
People are so firm in their stances that they can’t even speak respectfully to each other. We have lost respect for each other as humans. Yes, we should blame Trump and Biden (and Chris Wallace, too) for the display they put on last night.
But we should also be taking a good hard look at ourselves too, because…
this is exactly what many of us look like from the outside as well.
The debate was a sad reflection and representation of where our country is right now. We can do better, people.” -Shanti Landon
There are any number of things about what unfolded last night that we can be outraged over. I won't point fingers, nor defend the indefensible. I'd just say go ahead, vent those frustrations. When we are done, though, we need to take a step back and consider very honestly first, what we know about formal debate and second, how closely we follow those guidelines in our personal and social lives.
If our conversations, our posts, our memes were placed under the national spotlight how would we fare? How would our tone come across? Would our positions be compelling or off-putting? Do we generally engage or repel? Consider how we respond to criticism: Do we remain calm?
Resort to name calling?
Become defensive?
Turn the attack around?
Complain about problems or create solutions?
The Mother Love mass reflection reminds, “Has not a slight contradiction, the shadow of an insult, made me lose my self command and inspired me with thoughts of aversion?”
I can answer that in the affirmative. Oh yes, I can. I bristle, y'all. Full of the Spirit one minute and full of spitfire the next.
For school today we first discussed what civil discourse is – and is not – as outlined by American University here:
Civil Discourse is…
• Truthful
• Productive
• Audience-based
• About listening and talking
• Each Speaker's own responsibility
Civil Discourse is not…
• Mere politeness
• An exercise in martyrdom
• About telling other people who they are
• Purely performative
You begin to see the problem, don't you?
We then printed out some guidelines for civil discourse on the US Courts site here. These can and should be applied to a wide variety of interactions. We would be better for it personally and collectively.
I want to mention that I ran across a comment online this morning along the lines of 'desperate times call for desperate means.'
“We are in a battle and have no time/need to observe polite chit chat.”
Think about that.
Do we believe civility is merely desirable or obligatory? The answer is important. I’ll go ahead and play the WWJD card. I’m going to make the argument that even on the battlefield there are generally accepted rules of engagement. Even in wartime there are bounds to our behavior beyond which we harm our own character as well as our opponents.
The key virtue in fruitful debate is objectivity. You are debating the validity of ideas and actions, not the worth of persons. That last part ought to be a given. Our own egos ought to be so secure that we are able to separate ourselves and our emotions from the facts presented. This becomes more difficult when debate deteriorates.
Families and friendships are destroyed by our failure to observe these basics, though, so we will keep discussing over here. We will take this opportunity to check ourselves and keep striving to do better. To that end we will be working through the civil discourse lesson plans here We will go through the freebie here. Teachers Pay Teachers has some great graphic organizers here.
The Lincoln-Douglas Debates, which many students study in debate clubs, are worth a visit. (note: they had far more than two minutes to speak.) We will probably even check out some more contemporary debates such as the one between Reagan and Mondale. (note: at the 26min point both candidates are asked to establish that they are "real" Christians and even challenged about missing church services.)
They are a serious palate cleanser and should serve to dispel any meritless comments like, "this is how it has always been," because it has not. What has changed has changed in the second half of my lifetime and sadly, too many adults who grew up with better example are tossing it aside with abandon in their own discourse.
Hopefully we will take the skills learned here in class out into the world and do better.
One conversation at a time.
Ultimately this is what we can control. We can make civility cool again.
Starry Sky Journal 