A good friend recently wrote a short essay extolling the wisdom of older women and the general public's disregard for the elderly, despite numerous scripture verses exhorting us to honor the aged. I agree with her completely but have been thinking also that age does not necessarily guarantee wisdom, maturity, nor spiritual growth. This fact should make people like me, who have reached or passed our 'half life' as a scientist friend used to call our late thirties. If we are very lucky we are in the second half of our lives, though of course we have no certainty that another half awaits us. What have we done with this time? What plans do we have for the next half?
Ideally the passage of time should find us gentler, kinder, wiser. It is just as possible however that the years may have left us with deeply ingrained vices, bad habits that no longer seem so bad or worse, seem virtuous now. Our ways can become comfortable and a world of possibilities can subtly narrow to our way of doing things.
I have thought a great deal about all of this over the past few months. This might well be remembered as the winter of transformation, personally and collectively in our family. It is a time of turning the familiar on its ear and looking at it in new ways. It is a time of considering whether the years are finding us better or just older.
I have asked myself: Are you still making goals, having grand adventures, and setting the bar a bit higher for yourself? Or rather have you settled into a comfortable routine? Have you chosen safety over facing fear? Do you still feel the need for personal challenge or have you convinced yourself that it's no longer necessary? Perhaps these can all be summed up with the most pressing question - have you considered hidden areas in need of improvement or have you decided you are good enough the way you are?
It is my sincerest hope that I never grow so old that I stop trying. I think that I came pretty close. Sure I had projects in the works rather regularly. I cannot say honestly that those projects stretched me terribly far beyond my comfort zone. In fact, even if subconsciously, I suspect I kept my adventuring and my personal growth within the bounds of my personal security. They were of my choosing. That isn't living though. It is maintaining. It is plateauing. It is settling. Worst of all, it is telling God, "Thanks, but I'm good." I have pleaded with God to do His will and then added the postscript that His will would be painless and familiar if at all possible. If these are our conditions we may as well just leave it at "Thanks, I'm good."
This story will be told in time. Maybe in bits and pieces. But this is the start anyway. My prayer today is that the God who began this good work will see it through. We don't know how much future any of us really has It is my intention to run this race to the very finish however. No more strolling. ; )
"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6
Starry Sky Journal 