Do you wish you had known?

Posted on April 28, 2010 by Kim Halloran-Fry

Insomnia struck Colin and I at the same time in the wee hours this morning. It landed us in a chat over a new OK law that would protect life but also disallow suing a doctor for not sharing suspicions of birth defects. In this litigious age it will likely not stand. I am not sure if it even should. There are so many issues involved, all centering around Colin's questions last night. Did we know? (about his health) Would it be better to know? What can we really know? What should we know?

I don't have those answers. We did not have those decisions in 1985. Newly married and newly in a foreign country and newly pregnant we knew only that we were having a baby. That was enough for us. The ultrasound was crude and the resulting image looked like stormy weather patterns. No matter, that was our baby.

After months of bed-rest and medication to stop the contractions that landed me in the hospital on my 19th birthday we met the most beautiful baby in the world. He happened to arrive with a litany of medical complications. No matter, he was our baby. We would deal with all that later, after examining that perfect swirl of dark hair and kissing those hands stretched in newborn surprise. There were songs to sing and rocking to do.

Priorities, you know. ; )

Would I have wanted to know? Not really. Despite months of pre-term labor, I was full of joyful anticipation which I would not have traded for a prognosis which could never define nor determine the person Colin would become. He is so much more than a label. Would we have been able to know that before we looked into his eyes?

We think we know so much these days. We test. We make predictions. We think our knowledge will save us. In fact some of that knowledge did save my baby. I will be forever grateful for that. But, I don't pretend to think that a lab sheet is ever going to give a complete picture of the mystery that is us. It reduces us to our data. We are so much more than that. We cannot know love on a piece of paper.

If you are given prognosis before you are given a baby, let me tell you this secret. Your world is about to rock. Your heart is about to break. And it's ok. It will mend and stretch and grow in ways you can't even begin to imagine right now. You come out in a better place. And you won't want to go back. I promise. Don't miss it.

resourceful

Posted on April 27, 2010 by Kim Halloran-Fry

Does this happen at your house? I have been stumbling over these large pairs of socks lately. The most recent find felt exceptionally dense. Upon examination it turned out to be several pairs of socks wadding together. Some clean and some, um, less so.

me: So what's with the wadded up socks?

them: It's a sock football.

me: Why?

them: To play football with (falls under 'ask a stupid question…')

me: But you have a football.

them: Yeah but we can't throw it in the house.

Ah. That explains it. Resourceful – if barefoot. : )

Simple Woman’s Daybook

Posted on April 26, 2010 by Kim Halloran-Fry

more daybooks at Peggy's

FOR TODAY… April 26th

Outside my window… snow falling when I walked out the door at 4am. (taking dh to the airport) I don't recommend walking out the door at 4am… yawn.

This guy was seen out the window this weekend. Took this through the glass 'cause folks its COLD out there. Pretty sure he was lost because I have never seen a bird like this out here. If you've hung out here at all you probably already guessed that I have no idea what it is.

I am hearing… music for the new ipod. Turning out to be a quirky mix. But then again, so am I.

I am thinking… we are beginning a month of 'last times' and that is hard.

I am thankful for… this strange peace this morning. Lots to fret over, but I can't seem to get the fret on.

I am wearing… gray/black dotted empire waist top with 3/4 sleeves, boot cut jeans, black boots and a rather bad hair day which may have something to do with the walking out the door at 4am thing.

I am reading… mail from an old friend. Grace, grace, grace all over. What a blessing.

From the learning rooms… on the home stretch for most kids. Props to Aidan for getting up early every morning to knock out multiple days of assignments.

Otherwise – Pitching straggling pieces of manipulative sets left and right. Not many of those left nor do I have a deep desire to replace them. If I never see another Montessori tray I will still live a full and happy life. Without little pieces. Yes, I just said that.

I am creating…. possibilities

Pondering these words…

"Now I'm not who I used to be,

there's still work to do in me,

God's not finished with me yet."

Around the house… closets and barn cleaning this week. Ick. Have some big thoughts on school paperwork to share. Keyword there – Done Lists. Make them. Keep them.

Looking ahead this week: maybe the eye appt will happen this week? Meeting to schedule the movers tomorrow. I'm not looking too much further ahead. One day at a time. : )

One of my favorite things… bed-headed little girls in footed pj's running to greet me at the door

From my picture journal…

Brendan at the baseball game last week. He had a pretty good time ; ) And for the record that is his dinner not a cavity lol! Home run came right mid-slice of pizza.

the gift of you

Posted on April 26, 2010 by Kim Halloran-Fry

To my husband on my birthday,

It's been quite a year – in many ways a year with valleys lower than I had ever wished to venture into. Thank you for the gift of walking them with me.

It's been a year of hard work. Thank you for believing I was equal to it.

It's been a year of second chances. Thank you for taking a chance at a whole new life together. Thank you for waiting til I could say yes.

I had not imagined the end of 42 would bring me to this place in life, but I am grateful to be here, grateful for another year of…

holding hands

sharing hope

loving better

smiling long

trying harder

laughing loudly

and

whispering I love you – often above the din of clattering dishes and running bathwater and barking dogs

I am grateful I woke up this birthday morning to the gift of you, which has grown into the gift of them and the gift of us all together.

Thank you.

meet my social network

Posted on April 23, 2010 by Kim Halloran-Fry

I signed in to a new social network online yesterday which had been highly recommended by women I know. It was indeed every bit as lovely as promised. I was tired, through and through, and could not bring myself to dig into the number of things in need of my attention. So with a few clicks I found myself there. I filled out my profile, visited a few delightful pages, and slowly sank deeper into the lethargy and exhaustion that was overtaking me.

As I waited for a new page to load I turned and looked out the window. I saw little faces between me and the door, some looking as cranky as my own. Silently I reached for shoes and camera, put the tv remote out of reach and the computer on sleep. The children and I made our way outside, football in tow and I forced myself to wake up. To notice.

The sky was a startling blue, punctuated with white clouds which brought us rain earlier and would bring more as the day wore on. Right then, we were in a pocket of sunshine.

So I alternately threw the football to the boys and a plush babysized ball to Abbie. Between passes a boy etched this into the wet ground:

Little boy found a ladybug and coaxed it onto his finger. As it took flight I snapped a couple more pictures.

I asked him to say something, since that usually prevents that frozen posed smile. He began to recite a prayer from his bedtime books, "Dear God, I love you," he said sweetly in a tiny voice. I stood rooted to the ground, stunned by his spontaneous prayer.

Dear God, I love you too. And I almost missed this.

Daughter was behind us. She had picked up a stick and slowly drew it through the puddles. Tess found her own stick and joined her, which naturally caught the attention of mud hungry little boys.

There were more sticks and more puddles and eventually someone 'accidentally' stepped into the water. I thought about the cleaning. I thought about the laundry. There would be more of both. But there would not be many more puddles, in this place, with these children.

So we stayed. I smiled. They splashed. They chased each other around the barn with war-painted faces, hurling handfuls mud and whooping with glee.

Dear God, I love you, and I love this beautiful mess I'm in.

Laughter rang out through chattering teeth as the sun was swallowed up by the clouds moving in. Eventually there were showers and piles of towels and wilting dandelions to pull from wayward ponytails.

So, that is how I missed my networking. Or maybe I didn't. Instead I wallowed in muddy splendor and a little boy uttered quiet praise and woke me up.

Dear God, I love you.

room by room – living room

Posted on April 22, 2010 by Kim Halloran-Fry

Cheryl's room by room declutter is nothing short of amazing. We have talked a bit as we both worked through this process but I hesitate to even share my results because they are no where near as remarkable as hers. You want inspiration? Go there. I am less cluttered but Cheryl is becoming truly minimalist. She is making very decisive moves in that direction. I am flirting, one toe in the water. In the spirit of sharing progress however I will tell you what we have done and where it is going.

Before you get too impressed let me disclose a few things. First, we rented a 22 by10 ft roll off (construction type) dumpster and we filled it three times. Now, much of that was rickety furniture, patio set, farm stuff, and so on. Lots of fixer uppers that never got fixed up or thrifted items past their prime and we had to be real about the likelihood that they were going to be more than that in the foreseeable future.

Then came the bags of stuff. LOTS of stuff. A humbling amount of stuff for a woman who thought she was doing decently well at simple living. We have lived here 8 yrs though and had an enormous amount of room to spread it all out indoors and in the barn and outbuildings so it was easy to miss how much we were dealing with – much of which came here with us and hadn't been touched since. I will elaborate on what went out as we go.

Letting go of stuff can be a wrenching process even if you are not all that materialistic. There are lots of emotions attached to the 'stuff'. For me it it is a often guilt, especially if someone gave me the item or it got ruined while we had it. That last one is particularly hard. Or it is a frugality thing. Maybe it could be worth something if we fixed it up or it would be cheaper than replacing it with something new. So there is that tug of war going on every time I pick something up. There is only so much time in the day however and oftentimes space is worth more than the items in question. And finally there are the things that our kids used. I am seriously looking at little airplane baby jumper knowing it isn't even functional. But my babies used it. : / Realistically though, we aren't in a position to maintain a shrine to our past so we have to make these calls. The whole thing goes in stages with me initially thinking I can't part with it and months later deciding, yes, I can. With our numbers and mobility I must.

The living room was the easiest room of the house so we will start there. It was easiest because we also have a family room. There is no tv in here, hence there is never food in here. Secret #1 for an easy to maintain room.

So what it is in here is the piano, music books, art, 3 piece leather set, lace curtains, a plant stand, the sewing machine table holding the lamp, and the prayer table with statues/bible/devotional books/candles.

The biggest clutter challenge in here was the music books. The volume was unreal. It is STILL unreal though it is fairly well contained behind the chair in baskets. Alannah is still culling the books, saving what we can use for the littles and tossing the duplicates.

There were some project items under the couch – frames to be painted – and the basket under the prayer table was overfull. I love all my books and have a bad habit of grabbing one and thinking Oh! this is a great read. And then another. And another. And they ARE great reads. Inspirational. But they are just as accessible on the shelf as in a stack. Probably ; ) So there is a bible and devotional left on the table and a few on the windowsill for good measure.

Some challenges left -besides the little box left on the chair lol – are the blinds. They are really hard to keep clean on the prairie but the sun demands something be there. I have debated about whether to take or leave the lace panels. I realize that lace has fallen out of favor in design circles but I am still torn. Maybe it's the Granny Chic in me lol. I have this ongoing internal battle between minimalist and vintage and the latter keeps winning.

The leather is really easy to clean. Good call that was. The floors are easy care. It takes all of ten minutes to clean the room. So there you have the easy fix room.

calm surrender

Posted on April 21, 2010 by Kim Halloran-Fry

"Often we struggle against aspects of life that are largely beyond our control – noise, confusion, comments we don'tapprove of, lost items, rudeness, imperfections, negativity, broken pipes, clogged drains, whatever. We fight, get angry, and annoyed, and wish things were different. We complain, fret, and commiserate. Yet when you add up all this frustration, the end result is always the same. The things we are frustrated about remain as they are. No amount of gritting our teeth and cleanching our fists makes the least bit of difference. In fact, kit only adds fuel to the fire.

Calm surrender is not about giving up. Nor is it about being apathetic, lazy or not caring. Instead it is about appropriate acceptance, being willing to to let go of our insistence that the events in our lives be any certain way or different than they actually are.

If you are willing to give this strategy a try you will be amazed at the results. The calmer you will become, the easier your life will be. Rather than exacerbating negative events and bringing out the worst in other people you'll begin to stop negativity before it has a chance to spiral any further. In time you'll begin to experience chaos in a whole new light. There will be so much less drama in your life.

So starting today, see if you can ease the chaos by experiencing calm surrender."

– Don't Sweat the Small Stuff with Your Family, Richard Carlson PhD

mean people

Posted on April 20, 2010 by Kim Halloran-Fry

Hat tip to Elizabeth for this one which is especially timely since my heart has been heavy observing this very thing and it's not pretty. Thank you, Kristen, for reminding us that:

"God uses people who mess up!"

At least He does if we don't completely destroy them before He gets a chance. : /

Here is the thing. We are all mess-up's. Every last one of us. (Rom 3:23) Dependent upon grace, unable to do good on our own strength. (2 Cor 3:5) What do we know, really? He says not much because

"…man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Sam 16:7

…and we can't see in there.

I'm thinking if someone is deemed to be especially messed-up, then we can pray for them. And iff they are gosh-awfully, pheNOMenally messed up? ( you know, like your's truly over here, for instance…) Pray harder yet. Certainly we have learned something by the alternative?

Have mercy. Be a buffalo. : )

Simple Woman’s Daybook

Posted on April 19, 2010 by Kim Halloran-Fry

more daybooks at Peggy's

FOR TODAY… April 19th

Outside my window… watched the sun rise on dewy pasture. Mama cat saw me at the window and called up.

I am hearing… we went to see The Jake Loggins Band live Saturday night with friends. Jake himself reminds me so much of our Asher.

I am thinking… you can get run over on the high road too. : /

I am thankful for… A wonderful weekend of fellowship. Started Friday when a Lady of Virtue graced us with a lunch visit. She truly was all that and I am blessed to know her. Then dinner and music Saturday and a picnic at the park with church friends yesterday.

I am wearing… Black yoga pants and a red v neck tee with a tan sweater over.

I am reading… scripture and Imitation of Christ. Just a few moments in the chair with Jesus is about what it has been recently. Otherwise, see below.

From the learning rooms… The bishop of Bingen. Aidan was reading The Children's Hour in his English book and there was a footnote about the Bishop of Bingen line. He looked it up here and spent an hour rather slack jaw-ed over the whole thing. We picked up an unabridged copy of Grimm's Fairy Tales a few days ago. It has been requested repeatedly since and Aidan is reading ahead and telling us a new gruesome tale daily.

I am creating…. plans for a new home. Can't decide which of our 'looks' will get center stage from here. I know it can't all go but am still debating.

Pondering these words… "Blind guides, who strain at a gnat and swallow a camel." - Matthew 23:24

Not even going to comment further….

From the kitchen… a roasted turkey all made for dinner already. Running dinner over to a friend who was blessed with twins. Twins! So very cool.

Around the house… Getting back on the "all clean, all the time" bandwagon. Tricky business, that, especially when we are in and out like we were this weekend.

Looking ahead this week: A haircut, eye appt, more paperwork, more sorting.

One of my favorite things… Baby learning to talk. Realizing she is actually saying words intentionally now. Guess it's time. Not sure I am ready! Overheard lately, "Shoes, Tess, Aidan, More (this complete with hand signals) Daisy, and Go!!!"

From my picture journal…