We all have them.  Moments which find us at less than our finest. Pent up frustration demands release. All too often it is found through hurtful words, uttered too quickly, too loudly, to harshly.  I know this.  I regret this.  So I stand in the kitchen, broom poised for action in one hand, directing clean-up and feeling that tension.  I am determined not to vent it here in front of many sets of eyes learning how to be family.  Barbara Patterson counsels wisely:

  " Everything we do in the presence of the child goes in deeply." 

Then I remember to sing.  Singing is praying twice and we could use twice as many prayers this day.  I remember the Waldorf and Montessori transition verses and how melody eases us back into form, calls us down from the frantic pitch that threatens to overtake us.  And so it does.  

"Do you know the song I learned in children's choir?" asks Kieran

"No, but you could sing it for us and then we will know," I say.

He sings.  I smile.  

"Do you know this hymn?" I ask one and all.  They don't.  So I sing, poorly but sincerely.  I feel my heart settling into a steadier rhythm.  The floor clears.  My head clears.  

I wish I had remembered earlier.  I wish I had checked those words that came too soon, too raw to one I love, much older but no less dear, and no less in need of loving kindness from me.  Next time…  Thank you God for next times. Forgive me for presuming there will always be more.  Next time I hope to remember sooner.  

For now, we sing.  

"…singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord;  always giving thanks for all things…." Eph 5: 19-20  

Outside my window… pitch black. It is 5:40am as I begin to type. Oh yawn. Going to be warm and sunny all week should I be awake enough to notice. ; ) 

I am hearing… older sons preparing to take off. Machinery in back room.  Today would be a very good day for at least one contractor to finish. Yes? Let's hope. Hope with me. 

 I am thinking… about spectrums and malleability since reading Simplicity Parenting. He says q+s=d or something like that.   Premise being that given constant, unrelenting stress kids slide from personal quirkiness along the spectrum into disorders.  However, and this was the revelation, that by simplifying and removing or resolving one stressor after another that slide can and does go the other way.  I think I have actually seen that happen and it stunned me considering popular thought is that the brain is fixed and therefore either works just right or doesn't.  He insists that is not so. I believe him.  

I am thankful for… growth – bumpy as the road that leads there can be. 

I am wearing…  missing husband's big robe. Wish it was filled with him instead.  

I am reading… Making Children's Clothes This was the last of my recent Amazon purchases and WOW.  I saw it last fall at Hobby Lobby while waiting for the girls in class. I regretted leaving it there that night and ordered a copy.  Perfect. It is like the best of all those online tutorials bound into one book with nice sturdy paper patterns included. Very, very simple constructions made oh so cute with pretty fabric. All you need for an entire wardrobe for 1-5yr olds. (more girl than boy options)

From the learning rooms… oh, the singing! <g> And lots of rounds of The Three Bears. Waldorf and Five in a Row folks were right on this one.  Brendan and Tess preferred to hear this one many times last week rather than opt for new stories. His rendition at dinner was unforgettable. He truly knows this story on a deep and personal level. I can tell you we have not made a single 3 Bear craft, nor done any 3 Bear activities, made not a single 3 Bear food, nor any other thing but read together. It's enough. I promise. 

The printer has been sputtering and finally died.  This prompted our new notebooking approach this winter which has been unbelievably successful. We are using composition books into which the bigs transcribe the day's assignments. They proceed to complete them all on the following pages.  The next day we do it all again. That way there is one notebook for all the subjects and we can check their daily work quickly and easily. Aidan and Moira do have separate notebooks for history which is their subject for illustrating and writing more in depth this yr.  Per Laura Berquist we don't attempt to do that for multiple subjects.  

I am creating…. I wish I was creating tiny dresses from the book! Instead I dream about fabric projects while I am creating space and order which should open opportunities to do more creatively in time. In little snippets am mastering photographic textures.  Feels good to learn. 

Pondering these words.. "I am going to bed and when I wake up I am going to have soooo much fun!" – Tess last night. We should all be so certain of the new day's possibilities. 

From the kitchen…  aforementioned cupcakes  Wonderful feather-light Depression era flourless cake sitting in my kitchen this morning. Will be back with recipe.  

Around the house…  "Contractors and closet purging and painting oh my…Contractors and closet purging and painting oh my…."  I know this song by heart now. 

One of my favorite things…  baby girl's new word this last week – "Uh Oh" – heard when noticing things on the floor. Heard often, lol. 

From my picture journal…

see more daybooks at Peggy's

Outside my window… sunny and cold. Very both. 

I am hearing… deep sigh of dog crumpling back into a sleepy heap by the couch. He is recovering from the earlier ruckus which ensued after we heard a pack of coyotes venturing rather close in. 

 I am thinking… about transformation – of houses, of people, of little things and big. I am thinking that it is generally messy. 

I am thankful for… a surprise call Friday night beckoning me to the mall where I found a handsome man waiting at a table with two steamy Starbucks cups and an evening all planned out. 

I am wearing…  Nubby, tan, cable knit, hooded sweater, boot cut jeans, brown clogs, silver drop earrings.  It is cold and I would like not to be. 

I am reading… Beyond The Rainbow Bridge  Purchased my own copy finally and finished it in a couple sittings. Devoured it. I loved every word. Nothing terribly new here after 23 yrs of mothering and homeschooling but it has a meditative quality that lends itself to early morning consideration.  A very good way to focus and resolve as the day begins. 

From the learning rooms… notebook pages (will post to the sidebars this week), read alouds, circle time songs. A game of grocery store late last week which has Brendan asking for more.  

I am creating…. space, time, and what may be a whole new future. Still. This one will remain for a time. This weekend I pressed and put out some lovely white lace pillow shams snagged at Rebecca's thrift shop last year.  Fifty cents a piece! 

Pondering these words.. "The growing and developing in the child listens to the growing and developing in the teacher. Therefore, just as much as the teacher works on himself, so much can he work on his pupils. Education and self education are one and the same….I can give to the children to the same degree that I work on myself." – Erich Gabert

which is echoed here. Be what you want them to be.

From the kitchen…  simple food made with little hands. This morning there is hot oatmeal that was soaked before bed last night. Melted brown sugar swimming in whole milk on top. It's the little things. : ) Makes them happy, makes me happy. 

Around the house…  new pipes and new toilet hardware on deck for this week. Not diggin' the remodeling. Can we go back to the pillow shams, please? 

One o
f my favorite things…  Yankee Candle tarts – Vanilla Cupcake and Pineapple Cilantro happening this week. 

From my picture journal…

see more daybooks at Peggy's