It is a sin only as……

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Discussing tone of voice strikes a chord, sometimes a painful one, in many women earnestly trying to bless their families. I wanted to add some thoughts to those I posted the other day since so many women seemed saddened.  Most of those who are wounded by falling short of their ideal in this area would might wish to consider this passage,


"'I want you to make a distinction for yourself, which I make for you, between mere ill-temper and the irritability that is the result of a goaded state of the nerves.  Until you do that, nothing can be done to relieve you from what I am sure distresses and grieves you exceedingly.  Now I suppose that whenever you speak to me or the children in this irritated way, you lose your own self-respect for the time, at least, and feel degraded in the sight of God also.' 

'Oh Ernest! There are no words in any language that mean enough to express the anguish I feel when I speak quick impatient words to you, the one human being in the universe whom I love with all my heart and soul, and to the darling little children who are almost as dear! I pray and mourn over it day and night.  God only knows how I hate myself on account of this one horrible sin!'

'It is a sin only as you deliberately and willfully fulfill the conditions that lead to such results. Now I am sure if you could once make up your mind in the fear of God never to undertake more work of any sort than you can carry on calmly, quietly, without hurry or flurry, and the instant you find yourself growing nervous and like one out of breath would stop and take breath, you would find this simple commonsense rule doing for you what no prayers or tears could ever accomplish. Will you try that for one month darling?'"  - Stepping Heavenward
St John of the Cross gives similar counsel,

"Let then the first precaution be that, without the command of obedience, you never take upon yourself any work – apart from the obligations of your state – however good and full of character it may seem, whether for yourself or for anyone else inside or outside the house.

If you do not observe this precaution in little things as well as big, you will be unable to avoid the devil's deceiving you to a small or great degree. no matter how right you think you are."

No matter how right you think you are. 

Many of us make life much harder than it needs to be.  We are over-scheduled, overtired, and irritable as a result.  Problem is most folks who are those things will quickly add that there is absolutely nothing that could be done to change the situation. That is usually not so.  We have to honestly assess whether our activities and involvement is truly necessary or if we are are unwilling to let this or that go for other reasons.  Maybe it is pride. We have convinced ourselves we are called to a particular task. Maybe it is escape and we are convinced that the momentary diversion and pleasure offered by the activity is critical to our well-being.  

I am going out on a limb here to say we are wrong in most of those cases.  No matter how right we think we are.

If we are married and mothers then we ARE called.  We are called to be helpmeets.  We are called to be gentle, yet responsible mothers.  We are called to make comfortable, healthy homes. We are called to keep our eyes on God. We are not called in this season of life to do one bit more.  In fact, doing one bit more may just topple the apple cart.  

I tend to agree with this sentiment,

"The Spirit of God is present when you wash the dishes or pick up the dirty clothes, and He is there while you prepare meals for your family in the evening. 

God does not call women to be mountain top gurus or to seek one out for their personal benefit. He commands them to be keepers at home."  - Created to be His Helpmeet

Everything we need for our well-being is right under our noses if  we make proper use of it.   We can be gentle and attentive or distracted and irritable. The choice is ours, not just at the moment words fly from our mouth but in the hours beforehand when we choose which activities to participate in, which tasks to undertake, and how well we pace ourselves to do them with a gentle spirit. We  must guard the margin in our lives or else we are culpable for the irritability that results. 

Is your voice what you wish it to be?  Do you answer your husband and children with the gentleness you wish? What would they say? If not, can we follow the advice given in the first passage and give ourselves one month? One month to determine what is reasonable for us to do on a given day.  What can we accomplish without undue strain?  What is really required of us in our state of life?  Can we endeavor let go of so many "must's" and revel in the freedom and peace God wills for us and our families? His yoke is light. 
Chrysanthemum

ATV Trip Cathedral Peak pt 1

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Not rain, nor hail, nor sniffly noses in the dark of night could daunt our (mostly) grown-up weekend away.  Ok some of that was just a wee bit daunting but good times prevailed.  

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Debi Pearl counsels, "Don't let the cares of the family, the church, and the world steal the time needed to maintain holy matrimony."  Good advice.  : )   So we made the time and trekked over to the western slope for an action packed weekend.  First we set up camp lakeside. 

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 Allen has access to acres of recreational land owned by a friend at work.  He has hunted there in the past but I had not gotten to see it. We packed up the ATV and headed out on the trails.  It was well worth the wait.  Miles of rugged western beauty.  Check it out!

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Those trails led straight up to Cathedral Peak from which you could see the hazy reservoir and range in the distance.

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The path led up through aspens and around beaver ponds.

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We spotted this deer – though the setting sun and need for speedy shot left it a little blurry.  There was no zoom here though.  The deer crossed the path just yards ahead of us. 

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And finally back down around the gulch we came and headed back to the lake in time to watch the sun set.  A very good day. 

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A Calm Voice

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What follows are exerpts from a compelling argument for mastering our tone of voice taken from the Titus 2 Ministry site which is chock full of convicting articles. (please visit the site for the rest) I suspect for most of us, voice is not given much thought, surely not as much as it warrants. And yet we are told, 

"A gentle answer turns away wrath,  But a harsh word stirs up anger."

What are we stirring up in our homes?

  "A blow with the tongue is just as wicked and irritating and irrational as a blow with the hand; and yet many people let their tongues run loose in the family and strike fore and aft without restraint, and then wonder why there is no government in their homes." 

"Many a man will strike his wife with his tongue, blow after blow, when he would not strike her with his hand. And sometimes wives are tongue-strikers, who do not strike with their hands." 

"The poor government of many families is due to the striking freedom given to the tongues." 

We often bemoan the behavior of children without acknowledging the source of their disposition. Children learn what they live. A sobering thought is that they are learning to parent while her with us in our homes. A good question to ask ourselves is whether we would be happy to watch our children respond to our grandchildren as we respond to them today. 

"Children who hear their parents scold and fret at each other, who hear rebuke and censure, harsh tones and loud faultfindings in them, will not get the obedient spirit, or the harmonious disposition, from the atmosphere of their homes. On the contrary, they will catch the words and tones of harshness and the spirit of disobedience as quickly as they would the measles if exposed to them. 

 Sour, complaining, quarrelsome dispositions are not made in the home atmosphere which is always musical with gentle voices." 

I particularly like this point:

"Our good ideals are often set in sharp contrast with our bad realities. We desire to be so much better than we are that we often blush at our deficiencies." 

This is all too true but yet,

"…the words we speak, the tones in which we utter them, the voice-power we give them, are so outward that we can control them with Christ's help. We need not rage in speech. We need not "grate harsh discord" in our tones. We need not thunder in power of voice. We need not stir up anger nor drive the home spirit weeping away by our manner of speech. This is ours to manage–ours to control"

This we must remember.  This is ours to manage.  We can choose to speak gently or at least recommit to doing so when we find we have strayed from this resolution. We have it within us to ask for forgiveness when hasty words escape us. 


Two-women-reading

ruffled skirt

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 Tess is pleased as can be with the little green skirt we made and we hope to knock out a couple more yet.  Tutorial here.  Basically you cut three long rectangles.  Find the widest part of the hips/waist.  First tier is 1 and  1/2 times the waist.  Next is 1 and 1/2 times the first.  Third tier is 1 and 1/2 times the second.  The length of the rectangles is your total intended length, divided by three, plus an inch per tier for seams and 2 inches more for the top tier to make the foldover waist.   That was clear as mud wasn't it?   If you want to make one for yourself this tutorial has an automatic calculator to figure your measurements for you.  

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Nearer and nearer

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".…God does nothing arbitrary. If He takes away your health, for instance, it is because He has a reason for doing so;  and this is true of everything you value; and if you have real faith in Him, you will not insist on knowing the reason. If you find, in the course of daily events, that your self-consecration was not perfect – that is, that your will revolts at His will – do not become discouraged, but fly to your Savior and stay in His presence till you obtain the spirit in which He cried at His hour of anguish, "Father if Thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will but Thine be done." 


Every time you do this it will be easier to do it; every such consent to suffer will bring you nearer and nearer to Him; and in this nearness to Him you will find such peace such blessed, sweet peace as will make your life infinitely happy., no matter what may be its mere outside conditions. Just think, my dear Katy, of the honor and  the joy of having your will one with the Divine Will and so becoming changed into Christ's image from glory to glory!"