our domain

"Ladies, our homes are our domain to tame. And this isn't a one time project. Just like child training requires constant upkeep, so do our homes. Never stop thinking about what you might try next. Rearrange furniture and try out new colors in your mind. Enjoy the challenge of organizing and making lovely on a budget. Rise with a smile to the job of daily tasks mixed with long term projects. Be the queen of your home who oversees all, as well as the sweet servant who washes the floors.


…the environment that you surround yourself with and the attitude that you wear each and every day can have either a negative or positive effect on your own, as well as each person in your family. Your mindsets, moods, energy levels, and productivity will be impacted by your surroundings. The more organized and lovely you make your home, the more you will enjoy your work and rest in it.

and another thought- 

"Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty, but from the strength of an ox comes an abundant harvest." Prov 14:4

God is saying, "Chin up, Honey. If you didn't have any children you wouldn't have any mess." 
He is reminding us that without oxen there is no manure and I guess you could say the same about children and dirty diapers. We don't want to complain about our blessings. The messes are a result and a part of the blessing!"



G2179~Young-Mother-Sewing-Posters

on reading ahead

"…she further increased her advantage by reading every book assigned to me and reviewing every assignment… She spent many evenings, after a long day of teaching school, reading lengthy books. She tried to make certain that she was ahead of me so that if I had any questions about my work she would be familiar with the material. 


Mother encouraged me to work independently as much as possible… Yet she also scheduled time nearly every day for us to work together.  Whenever I missed a problem she would sit down with me and determine where I had made the mistake. Because she had worked the problems the night before it was a simple matter for to find my error and correct it.  
Although she had as many as five students during the time that I was in high school she always found time to give each of us individual instruction….The one on one interaction was critical to my mastering high school material." 

– Alexandra Swann,  No Regrets

This is remarkable to me and incredibly inspiring considering her mother had ten children in thirteen years, moved to a new city, remodeled a home, had a preemie, and went through a near fatal bowel reconstruction for one son while this was taking place.  

I have said in the past that I could not do it.  But I realize now that the alternative is often being frustrated the next day trying to help a student who is confused about material with which we are unfamiliar.  I have come to think time spent planning would be better spent knowing the literature and texts inside and out so we can discuss them and this is where I would like to focus. 

Another advantage Joyce had was that she needed only to do this once, for the rest of the children used the same books and read the same literature titles for their courses so that time invested with the first child rolled over to all the rest making it much easier with the younger children despite there being more of them. 

I suspect the prime reason she was able to do so much was that they had and answering machine and no computer….     Really mulling that one over.
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Caravan or bust!


"We love seeing new places in the country and we have fun on the journey. It is exciting to see the children's eyes light up when they see something interesting or new. Of course, there is a lot of work in packing for a family of ten." 

True that.   We are living these words as I write.  In other rooms suitcases are being filled and anticipation is high as we prepare for our trip to Ohio.  As luck would have it Allen got scheduled for a work function the week after my birthday.  My present?  The children and are riding along and visiting with Rebecca and family.  Hopefully we won't try their patience too terribly much!  (She is a saint…she is a saint!) 

I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the sweet notes you have left here in the past week.  Between trip prep, computer mishaps, and a traveling husband I have missed some of the notes initially or was unable to track down addresses or whatnot.  So I am doing what I so prefer not to do and sending my gratitude impersonally.  Forgive me!  Please know your letters are dear to me and keep me going when the candle is burning on both ends as it has been this month. They also take me on delightful rabbit trails when you leave your own url's for me to follow. : ) 

I have had a few neat things to share over the past months so I set them up to run next week.  It is possible I will be able to check in once or twice from the gyspy computer.  I promise to catch up properly when we return.  

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Cheyenne

 Cheyenne  is a sleepy little cowboy town which mercifully escaped the 'modernization' trend of the 70's.  It's brick storefronts remain intact with visible ghost ads along the alley side walls.  It was wicked windy the days we were there.  It felt as thought we might blow right off the map at times.  Still the rugged beauty was undeniable.

We began with the lovely historic homes Allen was inspecting. 
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Directly behind us was a herd of pronghorn who were quite comfortable among the cars and commotion:

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We checked in here:
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and then ventured downtown:

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While we were at The Plains the little boys were at The Dog and Duck.  I suspect the accommodations were even more gracious there. Karen I don't know what we would do without you! 

Clean sweep – running the numbers

Re-reading some of my organization books helped me see why we still have some 'hot spots' around the house.  Both Peter Walsh and Dawn Noble have said that it should take no longer than five to ten minutes to tidy up a room.  That isn't a deep clean, mind you, but rather the time it should take to make it presentable again after use. If it routinely takes longer than that there is likely still too much clutter. Or, it may not be clutter per se but just too much stuff, period. 

This seems to be the culprit in our school room/craft room and another purge is in the works. The main rooms have fallen reliably within that 5-10 minute guideline but there are a couple bedrooms and that school room which could use more help. This clean-time goal is a great litmus test to help determine if you have an appropriate amount of 'stuff' for your spaces. We obviously don't. <g>

Some other helpful time estimates from the Noble book:

It takes about this long to clean these areas - 
* a closet: 4-8 hrs
* a bedroom: 8-12 hrs
* a kitchen: 10-14 hrs
* a garage: 8-12 hrs
* an office: 16-24hrs (includes file system overhaul)

Having a reasonable time frame in mind when you plan a project goes a long way towards seeing it through. I have grossly underestimated the time it takes to complete a clean sweep in the past. Of course we have to remember these are working hours.  They don't include breaks for the myriad crises big and small that tend to crop up in homes like ours such as people needing sippy cup refills, having expected bodily fluid overflows, surprising mom by cutting the dog's hair or finding the Sharpie marker.  It is nothing short of astounding how resourceful small children can be when their mother is working…

Figuring in those interruptions could increase one's project time significantly. Unless Dad is home to occupy little people I try to break those big jobs up into sections and just work on one at a time, like one shelf in the pantry or one drawer etc.  We recently finished a large binder of our important documents in that way. We gathered all our birth certificates, sacrament documents, insurance paperwork, social security cards, and shot records into page protectors in a three ring binder which is kept in fireproof safe. (Highly advised to make copies of same and store them in a second location like a safety deposit box.) It is handy now in case of emergency.  Little by little one goes far….

Right words

C
(photo courtesy LIFE magazine)

The Right Word  
Only the meaningful should come to the lips of those who strive 
for higher development. To talk for the sake of talking, for 
example to pass the time, is damaging. We should avoid talking 
to each other purely for enjoyment. We must, however, not 
isolate ourselves from being in contact with other people. In that 
kind of contact, our talking must slowly develop into 
meaningfulness. We are always ready to talk to others, but 
everything we speak must be well thought out and well consid- 
ered. Otherwise, it is best to remain silent. One must try to use 
neither too few nor too many words. Listen first, and then 
process what was heard.  - as quoted in A Week in Nokken 

The decision to write again has come after much contemplation of this principle.  It has challenged me more than I can say. (no pun intended…)  How do we reconcile the virtue of silence without retreating into isolation?  When we re-enter the world after a time of retreat how do we assure that we do not once more fall into idle chatter and distraction?  I can't say with certainty I have found definitive answers to those questions but the guidance given above seems to be a good start. 

To talk for the sake of talking…

If care is not taken this could become the very impetus to blog. So, my first challenge has been to discern whether there is something worthwhile to say and what the motivation is for saying it.  Are we compelled to share sincerely or to garner an audience or worse, applause?  

Susan's thoughts about writing are very like those I have tossed about for weeks now. Certainly anything I could say has been said or could be said better by others. So why am I saying it?  That was my question but it occurred to me in the end that none of us ever really thinks the very same thoughts nor experiences life in just the same way. Even those of us who share a worldview will find those values and goals playing out differently in our own lives. For me it is for this reason that it is not only all right but desirable that each of us shares her own perspective. 

Everything we speak must be well thought out and well considered…

The very thing that makes electronic communication so appealing – the ability to provide instantaneous response – is also is greatest weakness. While it is a thrill to be able to correspond in real time with those across town or across the planet it does lend itself to poorly considered conversation. In the pen and paper era a letter might was not only written but composed. How often do we really allow ourselves the time necessary to properly compose our thoughts? 

We can pick up the phone, shoot off a text message, instant message.  An editorial which would previously have taken days or weeks to draft and publish can now be sent into cyberspace within moments of the thought entering one's head so very different from the way people have communicated for most of time.

When I contrast that rather constant chatter with this scenario:

She brought the letter to the tablecloth under the lamp and… they all sat around the table thinking of last things to say while Ma wrote them down with her little red pen that had a mother of pearl handle shaped like a feather. When her neat, clear handwriting filled the paper she turned it and filled it again crosswise.   -The Long Winter (Wilder)

I am not sure we are better for the speed. Seems better to: 

Listen first, and then process what was heard…

But then to always remember that it is still most desirable to remain silent as much as possible. Ignacio Larranaga tells us that:

All that is definitive is born and consummated in the midst of silence: life, death, the hereafter, grace, sin.  All that throbs is always hidden. 

God Himself is so silent we are told we must "be still" to know His will.  These past months of quiet contemplation of His word have opened my heart to new possibilities. While my tendency has been to give God my laundry list of requests and pleadings, I have instead tried to quiet myself enough to consider what it is He has to say about our life and His will for it. This is helping me to see each event as having come directly from the hand of a loving Father leading us away from ourselves and towards His best.

It takes regular doses of quiet contemplation to keep that focus and those cannot be skipped. This will necessarily preclude excessive surfing. I don't want to lose what I have worked so hard to gain. 

The past months have ushered in the promise of profound change for our family – some of which are too uncertain to share just yet. The prospects have been alternately exhilarating and terrifying to consider.  Life is changing in totally new and unexpected ways, but continues to be full to the brim with the goodness of God. I hope that in some small way this little corner of cyberspace will help me to document that abundance. So for that reason I am here again, my virtual mother of pearl pen in hand. 

Spring on the ranch

"The year is at spring,

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And day's at the morn,

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Morning's at seven;

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The hillside's dew-pearled;

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The lark's on the wing;

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The snail's on the thorn;

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God is in His heaven - 
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All's right with the world!"  - Robert Browning

I hope all is right in your world and that you have smiled broadly and laughed out loud at least once today.  Take Abbie's cue : ) 

be back soon

Just wanted to pop in here to say hello should there be anyone left out there.  : )

We are in the process of a much-needed update and facelift for the blog and then will be back to visit again. I hope you have been having a delightful spring. God bless.  

a time to keep silent

Several things have been weighing on my mind lately. One is this maxim shared by Bill Gothard:

Time is a valuable asset which attracts many robbers.

A related thought was this from Horace Mann:
 
Lost yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes.  No reward is offered, for they are gone forever. 

Scripture says something similar when it tells us to "redeem the time, for the days are evil." (Eph 5:16) I have been stewing over the implications of all this and how time online – both reading AND writing – figured in.  I have spoken with women much wiser than myself about this.  Colleen's post asked many of the same questions I had. I have seen earnest rebuttals to these concerns, but to be truthful, they don't reassure me much about those lost diamond minutes.  Not right now. 

Then I read this description of St Rita of Cascia:

…instead of visiting or gossiping with the women of the neighborhood, she remained at home, never leaving it except to pay a visit to her aging parents or go to Mass or Vespers… She paid much attention to the comfort (of her husband) and took zealous care that his clothes were always scrupulously neat. The management of her household was wise and prudent, and she taught with example what she advocated with words…. For Rita knew well that all the beauty of the King's daughter is within. She was kind and affable (to all in her care) and studied to make them happy and contented….She saw that they attended their religious duties, taught them good and polite manners, and molded them into models of obedience, neatness and propriety. 

She was ever diligent, never idle, in her vocation. Can I honestly say I am as diligent? Can I honestly say time spent in conversations here are as effective as other things I could be doing right now? Is it ok to divide my attention so?

I thought of various reasons I have come online and when really pressed there doesn't seem to be much that sitting here could help.  Trouble with schoolwork?  Think of what 30 min a day reading just a step ahead of my kids in their books could do.  Fussy preschoolers?  They don't need more ideas, they need me at the table with a box of crayons.  Stress?  30 min more each day in quiet prayer would go a long, long way. And so the list went. 

For me, right now, it has become all too clear that more words and more screens are not the best direction I could be taking. There is indeed a time for everything under the heavens, a time for speaking and time to keep silent.  In fact there can't be much worth saying if it isn't borne out of regular periods of holy silence and contemplation.  This is such a time. 

So for now I am quieting myself in all the ways I can.  Fasting from excessive chatter, fasting my eyes, redeeming the time. I am sure the bustling cyber world will continue to revolve with or without me, but I did want to let those of you, who have become so dear to me here, know where I was in the meantime – starting lent early.

God bless you.
Prayer

Teach me to fix my eyes on the things of
heaven even as I walk each day with my feet
planted firmly on the earth. Help me, through
the practice of virtue and the pursuit of devo-
tion, to avoid anything that would otherwise
cause me to stumble in my attempt to follow
Christ and to be an instrument of the Holy
Spirit.


– from novena to St Francis de Sales

FAQ’s

"I am overwhelmed'
"I spend a lot more time on planning than on doing."
"Our plans sound good but they peter out."
"I never feel as though I am doing enough, but we are always so busy."
"I am having a hard time staying on top of things."
"How do you know when it is "enough." (read alouds, activities etc)

I have gotten some remarkably similar letters this past month.  So similar in fact that I suspect they are touching upon an increasingly common theme. I wanted to share some of these comments (above) in case you also have ever felt this way and wondered if you were alone.  You aren't. I don't personally know many of you personally but I am willing to bet you are diligent, committed moms who have some burdensome assumptions about what it takes to do this well. 

I have a lot of thoughts on this subject but only snatches of time on the computer.  I am going to first share with you the reply I sent initially and then re-sent with variations afterwards.  We are also working on a major blog overhaul which ought to help track down old articles which address "how we do it."  


The short answer to that last question is that I only manage to do what I do because I have become ruthlessly realistic about how many hours are in a day and what I can accomplish in them. A little goes a long way – a little reading aloud, a little memory work practice, a little art, a little decluttering, a little bit of date night and time to think about something besides school.  That is also important. As a good friend remarked, part of this dilemma is due to "school" taking up an disproportionate amount of our thoughts and lives.  


Anyway here are my initial thoughts with more to come, Lord willing and the crick don't rise: 


I do think it is very hard to both create all your own curricula and follow them in a large family.  There is a lotta life happening for most of us.   I have said before that no one is doing it all – at least not well.  There is only so much time and this particular activity takes up a big chunk of it.  For me, it took up too big a chunk to justify.

Some of the most organized and successful (large) homeschool families I have known through books and real life have not gotten caught up with reinventing the wheel.  They recognized that real life is plenty full of meaningful experiences in many different areas.  They cook, they travel, they garden, they care for pets, they sew, they paint, they are part of a church community, they play music or sports or games, they welcome new babies regularly.  (some combination of the above – though certainly not all for every family)   A child in an active loving family is rarely lacking in meaningful life experiences. This does not mean school just has to 'get done' with no regard to the quality of education.  It does mean that there isn't just one definition of 'quality education' and that a curriculum designed by mom is not necessarily better than one she selects carefully from another source.   


One advantage many of these families have is that they have chosen a program and stuck with it over the long haul despite the fact that many other homeschoolers may turn up their noses at their choices.  Their children did not shrivel up.  They thrived.  Why?   Because they knew what to expect each day and week.  They had consistency.  They made the most of their materials. They know them inside out and then can easily tweak when they teach the next child. Therefore, each year finds them jumping in again and making steady progress.  They are not losing big gaps of time while mom wrestles with methodology and writing new material.  They are
n't waiting on mom because she underestimated the amount of time she would have to devote to teacher directed lessons.   They know what to do and they do it. 


Many, like your children, are not fond of open-ended assignments nor lessons that drag on and on.  That doesn't mean they don't love learning nor that their learning is less authentic.  They just don't need the type of bells and whistles activities that look quite impressive to other moms.  Instead they do very well with careful reading of various subjects.  If you feel you are selling out if you don't do extensive hands-on projects for school it may help to check out articles like this one which point out how educators…
"..in the quest for relevance or utility, are failing to reinforce the basic facts."
and that…
''Discovery is a lot of fun, but often there are questions about what students learn from it. It degenerated into activity for activity's sake."


Many parents also don't realize that they likely ARE doing LOTS of hands on activity throughout their day.  If you keep your children alongside you as you do all the many things required to run a home and family (and for some families a business or ministry) you can bet your kids are involved in plenty of projects.  You don't need to apologize for not adding yet more in their academics.  We learn best by living, not by classroom activities no matter how clever they may be. 


As far as what must be done academically if you aren't using a prepared program, I would say do math.  Do it very well.  Do not neglect to do it.  I can't stress that enough.  It composes a huge chunk of college entrance exams and upper level science depends upon it. Even if your child is entering a liberal arts field they can earn money for college by scoring well in the math area and it will make their prerequisite courses much easier.   


Write regularly.  A complicated program is not necessary.  Keep journals.  Write letters.  Proof everything and discuss their errors.  Then, have them read widely and well. If you can't keep up with booklists and thematic reading it is perfectly fine to use anthologies or prepared courses.  Many kids really and truly enjoy them.  Mine have often discovered new authors through such volumes. It may also help to remember that even a hero like Charlotte Mason did not do thematic, activity based unit studies.  She used good lit and history books (often texts at upper levels!) and usually had a couple different things going at once (ie some world history, some national history, some ancient etc.)  If you haven't read it recently a read through Colette Longo's tips for simplifying homeschool is well worth the time for the perspective it affords. 


As mentioned here before, we also try to do Morning Time daily, even if it actually happens at noon time or dinner time. <g>  That is a short time all together where we go over history dates, the names of the planets and continents, times tables, poems, greek/latin roots and so on.  Can't swing Morning Time?  No problem. Try adding some audio learning products here and there. Throw a book on tape into the cd player when you run errands. It adds up. 


Be honest with yourself about the time and energy you have to prepare and to participate.  Don't underestimate how much time it takes to run a home and family and be a loving attentive wife.  Also, don't OVERestimate how much mom-involvement is necessary for a student to learn well.  I have shared before how the head master of Kolbe Academy once said that if you can help your student with his studies, fine.  If you can't, then it's even better.  Art Robinson, Drew Campbell, and John Holt would likely concur.  Their reasoning is that you cannot learn for anyone else.  It is not a team sport. The child may have to wrangle with the subject matter but odds are in his favor that if he sticks with it he will come out on top for the effort.  He will really KNOW that material in ways he would not if he had someone holding his hand.  That isn't cruel. (we do lend a hand, just not HOLD a hand)  It is doing him a great kindness in my opinion by teaching diligence, proficiency and responsibility for his own work.  We moms t
end to shoulder that load for them too often and end up with kids who are less than self-motivated as a result.  


Almost anything we do over and over we get very good at.  There is practically no curriculum that a child cannot learn a great deal from if they just stick with it.  There is also no perfect curriculum.  There are imperfections in all programs and with having no program at all.  Part of success is due to deciding which imperfections you are most comfortable with.  For many successful large families (see above links) that choice is prepared curriculum in at least some areas. Mom is freed up to focus on character training (a big part of which is doing schoolwork responsibly) and homemaking and being a wife.  Those are areas that often suffer when we get sidetracked trying to do every academic thing from scratch.   In fact those very areas are often more key to children's success than the content of their academic lessons.  


So am I suggesting we abandon hands on learning? No. We do school projects here and there but increasingly they are spontaneous and the curriculum does not depend upon them.  When we have time we usually choose to allocate it to a real life project like making a skirt or helping an older neighbor or preparing for a church play or music recital.  Like I said – there is a lot of life happening and that's ok.  Life is good : )  We also have combined traditional materials (like texts) with alternative methods (like notebooking) with absolutely stunning results. More to follow on that!  In this way we enjoy the best of both worlds and have the time and energy to dig into projects in the world around us. 


Remember this is a marathon, not a sprint. It is a cross country journey for some of us. We have to pace ourselves.  Be tortoises, not hares. : ) A little done well and regularly goes a long way.


God bless you!
-Kim


a post script – I know its publishing with funky highlighting and if I figure out why that happened I will try to rectify when I get another moment