I get so disgusted with my fellow man sometimes. Honest to gosh, there is no end to spin it seems. Anything good, pure, holy even, is open to dissection and analysis. Dollars to donuts it will end up with a diagnosis. I followed Elizabeth’s link to Melanie’s awesome post. It was borne out of her own disgust over “experts” diagnosing Angelina Jolie’s mothering. She couldn’t just, say, enjoy being a parent and making a difference in someone’ life. That just isn’t normal after all. It must have an “osis” attached to it. Shoot, since I have twice as many children as Jolie I shudder to think how many letters I would get assigned. (say nothing! ; ))
The overarching theme to the ‘expert’ quotes is that it is imperative that we ‘meet our needs’ ‘attend to our wellness’ and ‘face our inner world’. I would submit that the opposite is true. There is a REALLY fine line between focus and fixation. One tends to lead steadily into the other. The inverse relationship here is that the more we fix our attention outside ourselves the weaker the grip self has over us.
I have seen a lot of women in therapy over the years – increasing numbers as the years go by. That makes sense given the popular opinion about such things. If you believe you ‘must’ address your needs and your pain then you are in a world of hurt if you linger on this planet into your third, fourth, fifth decade or more. You inevitably run into other flawed people with whom you inevitably have less than perfect interaction. These little pains add up. Sometimes they snowball into big whoppers. What the hey are you supposed to do about them? I will say I have NEVER seen anyone feel better by attempting to fix them nor by forcing all those other flawed human beings to wallow in the muck with them. In fact, they generally become so demoralized and overwhelmed by the sadness which is now foremost in their minds that there is no escape.
An others-centered life is a much safer bet in my opinion. It provides necessary perspective and, if nothing else, it wears you out enough that you just don’t care so much about the little stuff anymore. I would submit secondly that if your focus is on service then your own ‘druthers shrink til they just don’t have the same hold over you which they gain if you give them fuel. St Francis apparently had the same idea:
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life
But I guess he wasn’t addressing his issues either. ; )
Father Lasance quotes a lovely passage attributed to “Russell – The Art of Being Happy“
“There is a word which cannot be said too often enough to every Christian whom God has destined to live, converse, and labor in the society of his fellow-creatures: Be Indulgent.
Yes, be indulgent; it is necessary for your own sake.”
Are you paying attention because this is where it gets interesting….
“Forget the little troubles that others may cause you; keep up no resentment for the inconsiderate or unfavorable words that may have been said about you; excuse the mistakes and awkward blunders of which you are the victim; always make out good intentions for those who have done you wrong by imprudent acts or speeches; in a word, smile at everything, show a pleasant face on all occasions, maintain an inexhaustible fund of goodness, patience, and gentleness. Thus you will be at peace with all your brethren; your love for them will suffer no alteration, and their love for you will increase day by day. But above all, you will practice in an excellent manner Christian charity, which is impossible without this toleration and indulgence at every instant.
This is for our sake as much as it is to bless our fellow man. No matter what the overeducated experts claim, love and forgiveness are not ‘fixed pies’. They multiply like the loaves and fishes and the more mercy we extend to others and the more we give, the better life becomes not only for them but for ourselves. There is an unparalleled satisfaction that comes from making other people happy. It is not to be found elsewhere.
Desperately clinging to our ‘issues’ is a good way to never be free of them. Let them go. Look to the cross. Someone has already carried that load for you.
