A real life friend of mine was asking more about our first son’s birth and how that played out – being young, a continent from home, and in a medical crisis.  Our chat evolved into a larger discussion about joy in general and how one accounts for it.  She asked to share my letter so I am going to share it here fwiw since this topic has come up a few times in private email:

> No there are no easy answers.  I have thought a lot about why we
responded
> the way we did. Part is just really good fortune. I have always
been doggedly
> optimistic.  Also more than a bit stubborn. All it takes
is someone saying
> ‘you cant" to trigger my ‘oh yes we can!’ response. 
Part is that joy is a
> gift of the spirit and I can’t take personal
responsibility for that gift.
>
> That said, I do think Joy is also
something we can cultivate. No matter how
> awful things are there are
always many more awful things that are not
> happening. We have to focus
on the rose and not the thorns because in truth
> the one is always
accompanied by the other.
>
> I am not an old woman but the longer
you live the more awful things happen
> both to you and to those around
you. As time goes on I have become acutely
> aware of what suffering is.
Every moment we have been given protection and
> reprieve is treasured in
my heart because gosh life is hard and short.  When
> you face that
reality you have to choose whether you will let that overwhelm
> you or
whether you will survive – and thrive. That is where that dogged
>
determination comes in. I am determined to thrive and to make the most
of
> the roses. I can’t control the thorns. I CAN maximize the garden and
make it
> as beautiful as possible.  Its my little attempt to thwart Satan
who would
> like to see us despair.
>
> Sometimes it takes a
very conscious effort to look for things to
> appreciate – the sun coming
through the window, the smell of bread baking,
> the soapy clean hair on
newly bathed babies.  Once you make a habit of
> seeking out those little
wonders like that, always always thinking of how
> much worse you could
be, it starts to come more naturally.  In our family
> there is never a
shortage of opportunity to practice. : /  Just this morning
> our(second)
brand new trampoline was victim of a freak wind storm.  $400 GONE.  It
> was
hard to swallow.  My dh and I saw thorns.  Lots of them.  When the initial
>
shock wore off we stopped and talked a minute.  I said well, for all we
know
> someone may have been going to have a terrible accident on there
today and
> God swept in and intercepted that disaster.
>
> I
guess my other thing is that depression runs in my family. I have been
>
blessed to avoid it but its been ever present in my relatives. They can be extremely
< negative and it wore on me. I have vowed to try to avoid that
rut
> to the extent that I can. Now that doesn’t mean the Pollyanna in me
always
> wins. I cry easily and often. Some horrific things have happened
to me. The
> baby’s health wasn’t one of them if that gives any indication
of how serious
> I am.  But what are you to do?  I just won’t let it
defeat me. Thank you God
> we aren’t on the streets of Iraq or Darfur. We
have warm rooms, good food
> and the opportunity to try harder again every
day. We have our knowledge of
> God. We will never suffer as He did.  We
are ok. We have to ride the waves
> with our eyes on the shore
ahead.
>
> One thing that has helped me beyond measure has been
surrounding myself with
> uplifting stories.  For me that is the story of
the saints who to a number
> have had to overcome horrible suffering.
Scripture is full of suffering
> people who still found joy. It is a
mystery in my opinion.  That whole
> concept of ’embracing’ the cross has
always been a mystery to me. Slowly
> slowly God is helping me.  I have
had to ask HIm to please help me
> understand HOW in the world to actually
embrace my crosses when my gut level
> response is to dodge them wherever
possible. Maybe someday I will actually
> ‘get’ it. I am an admittedly
slow student.  God has given me lots of chances
> to learn this lesson
though. Bottom line though – I try to remember to just
> ask Him when I
can’t find silver lining. "What is the good You are bringing
> from this
situation?  What am I supposed to learn? Help me to suffer
> patiently as
You did." It works. Sometimes better than others ; )