I grew up with a single mother in the 70s. Those of you who shared such a childhood probably remember the t-shirts. You know the ones that said things like, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” or “If you love someone let them go…” Many such sentiments of the era were conveniently summed up into a few lines preserved for posterity on cheap cotton. One such maxim was “Question Authority.”

Now don’t get me wrong. Some of those phrases were not only catchy but I actually concur with a few. Take this last one. If it translates into “Be wary of your elected officials, since they may be more concerned with their career than your best interest,” I am there. If it translates into, “Your own opinion is is law,” I am not on board anymore. I do believe there are absolutes and that obeying them is paramount to our success in life. It is a paradox that true liberty is found in obedience. We are then no longer slaves to our whims.

Obedience today is often referred to with scorn, whether it is overt or whether disobedience is cleverly disguised as virtue. Many children and adults alike hold this foundational trait in low esteem. It is sometimes pondered whether it is of any value to obey if one does not deep down wish to do the task being called for. It is implied that obedience somehow requires less from us than other impetus for action.

I would argue that it is always more virtuous to obey particularly when we do not feel immediately gratified for doing so. In our faith we call that selflessness. We consider that to be one of the ultimate proofs of selfdiscipline. Anyone can persevere when it is pleasant or when they are fulfilling their own desires. Few are they today who have developed the stamina and determination to perform as well for an outside cause. This is unfortunate for the individual because he is left to the mercilessly changeable tides of pleasure versus the lasting satisfaction gained from harnessing the will.

There is nothing so disobedient as an undisciplined mind, and there is nothing so obedient as a disciplined mind.
Buddha

It is thy duty oftentimes to do what thou wouldst not; thy duty to leave undone what thou wouldst do.
Thomas a Kempis

As an adult I have found, as most of us do, that much of my day is spent doing things I would probably not have listed as personally motivating if left to myself. Indeed our happiness seems to hinge upon how we react to this reality. Do we balk? Are we resentful? Or are we peaceful, trusting that each act of sacrifice can be offered as a gift to Our Lord and those around us? Do we see obedience as inferior to our own volition? Is obedience,in fact, a critical virtue or rather just a mindless, lower form of behavior? Our feelings about this subject will determine how our children are raised and how we ourselves behave.

A great work is made out of a combination of obedience and liberty.
-Nadia Boulanger

We need a balance between liberty and obedience or we risk becoming arrogant. Scripture praises the teachable spirit. One can only possess teachability when one is humble and acknowledges that he can benefit from the wisdom of others. How to become humble? Br Ignatius Mary tells us that, “In St Benedict’s 12 Steps to Humility, the very first step is obedience. Obedience can be possible without love, but love cannot exist without obedience. Obedience is the foundation from which all other virtues are built.” Jesus Himself said that He came not to do His own will but that of His Father. He did not pursue His own agenda. Yet so often we presume that it is necessarily better for us to do so.

So yes, I do believe it is a great virtue for children to do their tasks out of obedience even if they do not always feel personally motivated. I would say the child who can do so with a happy heart is well on his way to mastering himself. Having done that, I can imagine very little that he cannot then do. Obedience does not weaken his will, it harnesses it and puts it completely within his command. It ensures that he is not driven by desire but that his actions are guided by higher principles. It inspires little exchanges like the one I overheard in the kitchen the other night when our newly 6yo, while unloading the dishwasher, explained that he was not just doing dishes but that he was putting “Hands to work, and hearts to God.” That’s what it is all about after all. We do all (obeying too) for the glory of God which is always a much better motivation than personal preference.

I know the power obedience has of making things easy which seem impossible.
Saint Teresa