"There'll be peace when you are done." – Kansas

Long time, no see, friends.  So much has happened.  I just couldn't write about in the middle though.  

I have shared before my firm belief that labor is a life skill, one you revisit over and over through other challenges.  It became something of an analogy for me and Lamaze breathing has been used way more when NOT in labor over the years.  

In Bradley childbirth they talk about the emotional signposts of labor. I swear this international move mirrored those stages eerily closely.  There is that initial rush of excitement, looking at homes online, thinking of the future, planning and organizing.  You start out pretty sure it can be done. Even as the going gets more challenging you get breaks and feel fairly on top of it all. 

Later, as the challenges begin to come closer together, leaving just the briefest moments to catch your breath, the enormity of the project hits with full force. At times you just have to hang on and ride it out.  Typically this emotional signpost is silence and a turning inward while focusing on the hard work at hand.  

That definitely happened.

At some point I just knew where we were with it all, where "I" was anyway, and that it was going to take quiet concentration to get through.  Moreso, I knew that some of what goes through your mind isn't true.  It takes a lot of determined effort to counter those little underminers with the truth that God is good, you can do it, and all things are working for good. It works best for me if I just don't utter the yuck and give it a chance to build.  So most nights I followed the time-tested advise of an early homeschool mentor who reminded a very young me that everything looks better in the morning and never to listen too hard to yourself at midnight.  Instead of writing, I fell into bed, shut off my brain, and started in again with each new day's work.  It was enough.  It was really all that could be done. By me anyway. 

And here we are now, in the mountains of Utah. It's been fifteen years since we left this place. It was a difficult assignment back in the day and I would be lying if I didn't say it played with my head a little heading back.  It took some conscious reminding that moving 'back' to a place can still be a moving forward in life. It has taken some reminding that our life has and can and will once more fit nicely into a very different mold. 

We have done a great deal of praying and talking and conceptualizing how life will look in this chapter.  Suffice it to say, quite different once again. And quite the same.  One perk of these tremendous upheavals and opportunities is you learn to identify what in your life is constant and what is variable.  What is at the core and what is changeable.  What matters and what does not. Also, that you can a great deal more than you give yourself credit for. 

One thing that I have missed is spending time in this space and telling our stories.  We have carved out a little corner for me in this temporary house we have leased while we house hunt.  Tonight is my first time alone here in the quiet sharing. Hopefully we can make this a date. : ) 

(shared with creative commons permission)